Re: time for important things

[Guest guest]

Hi Barb,

When I think about how open my life is now that I've had to get off 'the

anxiety gradient' of musts & have to's ' I can appreciate some good things that

illness brought into my life. Disabling things like chronic pain are & will

remain lousy, but for me in certain ways it has given me the chance to take my

life back. Otherwise would have probly died from type 'A' overwork, & missed

what I did have of my family. An interesting trade off.

Ken

Barbara wrote:

>

>

> Ken u are so right I never though about it that way. Its just my best

> friend has 2 children that she is trying so hard to be the mother to them

> that she never had. Her mom worked out of need not want so what you said

> about us spending more time with them is true, I just have to get her to

> stop beating herself up over it. Its got to the point the only trips she

> takes are needless guilt trips so I have to find her a better travel agent!

> Barb

>

> ----------

> >

> > To: chronic_painonelist

> > Subject: Re: Message to Barbara

> > Date: Saturday, July 18, 1998 8:34 PM

> >

> >

> >

> > Pattti, Barbara, all,

> > Looking back, it seems an observation Mike made about high work

> > motivation of chronic pain victims might also have some inference to the

> > issues of chronic pain & raising children. It seems that more often than

> > not, while the children may be somehow affected by circumstances with the

> > chronic pain parent, they seem to grow up well and with some

> understanding

> > of the chronic pain limitations; as well as concern for others.

> > Could this be that we are 'painfully' aware of showing them what

> > positive attention when we can and perhaps respecting them as

> individuals.

> > We have to strive so hard to be respected as individuals ourselves that I

> am

> > sure we communicate this more to others.

> > I guess its an issue of quality time & quality respect. We may

> actually

> > spend more time with our families too. And if not in the best of shape,

> we

> > are 'there' more too.

> > I remember a time when my mother was confined to bed due to heart

> > disease. She was always around & had time for me. And out of necessity

> she

> > taught me how to cook & shop when I was about 7-8. For me it was no

> burden.

> > Quite the opposite, I was thrilled that she taught me so much that other

> > kids didn't know, and had so much confidence in me to permit me to do

> these

> > things.

> > Ken

> >

> >

> > Pati Beck wrote:

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi Barbara, Thank you for your note. My childre (all boys) are ages

> > > 19, 17, 15. They have been great up to this point. They don't feel

> > > sorry for me, in fact they treat me exactly the same as I was prior to

> > > becoming disabled, which I insist. Being teenagers they have very

> > > active social lives but they always make sure I'm okay before

> > > venturing out. I feel very blessed to have such great kids. Now my

> > > parents and siblings have responded completely opposite. They feel

> > > sorry for me, which drives me crazy. My father can't seem to get over

> > > being angry about the accident and alls he wants to talk about is my

> > > disabilities. My mom told me a year ago that seeing me makes her

> > > physically ill. I haven't heard from her since and she won't accept my

> > > calls. My siblings attitudes vary. I rarely ever see them but they

> > > call often. My biggest concern is not being a burden to my children.

> > > They are very devoted to me but I often have to remind them they have

> > > lives of their own. I am very blessed!! Pati

> > >

> > > ---Barbara wrote:

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Hi Pati I just read your letter and I hope they can find something

> > > to help

> > > > you where you can enjoy your children. The one blessing that I had

> > > when I

> > > > got sick was my son was grown and on his own. I was so very lucky

> > > there and

> > > > I Thank God for that. Take care Barb

> > > >

> > > > ----------

> > > > >

> > > > > To: chronic_painonelist

> > > > > Subject: Re: Patti : Ask away

> > > > > Date: Friday, July 17, 1998 6:47 PM

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > , No you are not prying, by me being on this list I hope to

> > > > > learn from others as well as share my experiences so that I can

> help

> > > > > others. First, I wasn't really aware that more then one medication

> > > > > could be in my pump. I have Baclofen in my pump now which is used

> to

> > > > > treat spasticity but does nothing for pain. As far as taking

> > > morphine

> > > > > orally or by patch, the side effects are often worse then my pain,

> > > > > especially the nausea, so I take medication for nausea. The

> morphine

> > > > > makes it so I don't care I'm in pain, in other words I'm " high " ,

> > > which

> > > > > helps, but not the way I want to live my life. Since my doctor says

> > > > > there is no medication that will actually ease my pain, this is the

> > > > > path I've been forced to take. I'm still waiting on a surgery date

> > > for

> > > > > having the spinal stimulator implanted. This my doctor says is

> > > worth a

> > > > > try, since I don't want to be drugged up all the time. I have 3

> > > > > children, haven't been able to see them play baseball, soccer, etc.

> > > > > because of the pain. My quality of life diminishes everyday due to

> > > > > pain. I'm only 40 years old and just can't believe that I'm doomed

> > > for

> > > > > a life of pain....Pati

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > --- Turbin wrote:

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Patti,

> > > > > > I'm wondering if you might not want to leave the door open

> > > about

> > > > > using

> > > > > > morphine in your pump. Since you do have significant pain, the

> > > pump

> > > > > is a way

> > > > > > to administer far less than by oral dosage with a possibility of

> > > > > more relief

> > > > > > & less side effects. Just what is your response to the oral

> > > > > morphine, if I'm

> > > > > > not prying?

> > > > > >

> > >

> > > > > Ken

> > > > > > Pati Beck wrote:

> > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > >

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> > > > > >