Re: Books and money with no return

[Guest guest]

Ururu:

> Same here, just like you and Helen: I have many books during my life because of not getting them back. I am very fond of my books and have lots and lots and lots of them and I am aware of the lacking books most of the time. Until I replace them.

Yes, for me it is a disharmony that is almost physical, when there is something missing that should be there.

> I also used to lent money, but try to avoid that. I don't have money, but if someone says: 'I don't have money, can you lent me some' I always suppose they must have less than me. Because for me 'not having money' means not having money at all. But I discovered lots of people say something like that, meaning to say: "I do have money, but I have chosen to spent it on something else and now I would like to have money for X. Can you lent me some?"

LOL! (Like my sister who was desperate because she couldn't pay her electricity bill after she just bought a new cool cell phone and insisted that I help her out.) :-(

Have you also noticed that when they say "can you lend me some money" it really means "can you GIVE me some, but pretend it's a loan so I don't have to feel bad about taking your money"? Have you ever atually gotten back money you have lent to anyone? Without having to nag and pester them about it for years?

> Anyway: it's a good thing for humans to have an aspergian partner I think, at least the divorce is taken care of in a gentle way : )

Yes.

Inger

Re: Sexism or women and money

Helen wrote:> When I got divorced I looked at the economy and saw that my x-husband was going to have a lot of debts afterwards. Most of the debts were in his name so according to everybody I was “of the hook” and could easily start all over again without any debts. But how fair would that have been? I just said to my x that we have to write a personal paper between us where I take half of it. He had taken those debts for us once so I felt that was the best thing to do. He almost cried of relief and now we are good friends.

Awww! I'm so happy to hear this.

> (Good for my son as well since it is his daddy).

Right!

> But after this I have heard many times: -How rare for a woman to do that! Or: -How stupid of you to do that! I constantly get shocked at that attitude. As if men are just there to be used and not human beings to be respected. > I must have justice in everything in my life… even if it´s not to my advantage.

Me too. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I had done something that really wasn't fair.

> Of course I fail many times, but I then feel regret so much (and soon), I have to put what was wrong back in order immediately. This is not a normal behaviour I have heard, to have a need for justice so bad, according to many people. I´m different then "the others" even at this subject I´ve noticed... Weird!

Well, you're an Aspie. Among other Aspies your way is the normal way. :-)

/Greebo:

> Also when I split up with a previous long term partner, I was very shocked with peoples re-actions that I should 'take him to the cleaners', basically meaning getting as much as I could. To me that did not seem very fair and because my ex partner and I worked together on a reasonable and agreable settlement a lot of people thought I was mad and was being an 'easy touch'. My ex and I are still good friends and I appreciate good friends over material things any day :-)

Me too! When I got married, it was I who suggested the prenuptual agreement so as to put his mind at ease (since he was rather wealthy and I was not). When I left, I took nothing more with me than I had arrived with. I was very happy when he found a woman that suited him better than me. I'm still good friends with my exes and appreciate them as human beings even if I we turned out to be incompatible relationshipwise.

Something else that has puzzled me is that if I borrow something, say a book or a video, I feel compelled to give it back once I'm through with it. Just keeping it would make me feel intensely uncomfortable and anything that's not mine tends to stick out like a sore thumb when I pass it. But other people don't seem to have any problem keeping things that I have lent them. I don't know how many books and magazines I've lent to friends and not gotten back. I've learned not to lend money, but I still trust people to give back books.

Inger

FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued. FAM Secret Society is a community based on respect, friendship, support and acceptance. Everyone is valued.