Re: Ramblings ...Re: Pain Plus Flu then Asthma ...11 July

[Guest guest]

Hi Ken,

Thanks for the info on the Alpha Stim.

I think I used a TENS unit at one point. But I forget when.

> I know this is not the time for this for you, but it is

> something worth

> planning to try.

> One needs hope.

Very true.

I am trying to position myself financially so that less goes to the finance

companies and more to areas I need to cover.

One area I do need to fix is my job situation. I was trained as an academic,

and stuffed around so much that I lost the plot and let my hobbies take

control. Anyway, despite the side-tracks and turns things have taken, I can

get back on track. Most of the time I am surprised at how positive I am. But

I guess that comes from concentrated attempts to keep the garbage out of my

life.

I had pretty bad treatment from my family. My parents ripped me off twice

Mum once, Dad Once ) all regarding my car, which is now a rust bucket of

trash. Anyway, wether I let them do it, or wether they just did it, the

point was that they did it and in therapy ( from a Psychologist who helped

me for free ) I was basically given the tools to analyze my own past. In my

view my parents were never there. So, I just stopped dealing with them

because I could not handle the co-dependency " games " they played. I did not

want to hurt them, but they seemed to want to hurt me. And when the dominant

parties in co-dependency relationships go full steam, they are much like

" psychic vampires " . I think the book TOXIC PARENTS covers mine pretty well.

Well, I also had toxic siblings. And to top it all off, my Dad was/is a

lawyer, and he used his cross examination techniques to really stomp me

verbally. Well, I have done 2 years law school, and when I was coherent

enough ( after a rough time in 93-94, but also after August 96 when I

started to pull myself together ), my Dad when head to head with me over

therapy issues,a nd he tried to trash my feelings and thoughts by using some

full on court room techniques in a person to person conversation; by this

time I had restored enough of my self-esteem to be able to stand my ground

without trashing him, and so he never broke me down. The one main thing I

learned was that he never cared one iota about me.

I guess my point is that I have limited energy resources and the experiences

since 1991 have taught me that in my life now, I need to give myself some

priority because I need to, not simply because I want to; whilst I know that

mind games do have a fun side ( my academic training taught me that ), it is

the negative mind games that destroy, and never build up which I had to walk

away from. I know from what my biological parents have said, that they think

I am the bastard son of the Devil or some such variation, but I need to

survive and that is my goal. I guess this might be a bit rambly, but it is

hard to verbalize some very negative experiences, just as it is hard to

verbalize extremely positive elements of experience... and I have been lucky

enough to have some very positive experiences ( all in some manuscripts that

I am trying to publish ... and I find that writing stories, poems and music

is a great outlet and I do feel lucky that I can do that; plus my fave

bands, KISS, QUEEN, Lee Roth, Deep Purple, Dio, Ozzy, et al., have

been great visual and aural outlets ).

Best Regards

.

******************************************

Milton |santeri@... |

-----------------------------------------------------------

http://www.eisa.net.au/~santeri

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[Guest guest]

Hello Ken,

> You talk about not taking enough care of serious things, and

> of course some

> of the specific interpersonal injuries.

I have not really taken care of things as such... since the 1991 accident, I

just edited out the things I considered to be negative. I still consider a

large part of what I like to be trivia and " trivial " , but that is me; and I

have my moodier sides ( as weird as they can be ). Like yesterday I was LOTS

happier, and showed it, because a guy who regularly gives me grief at work

was away. I was told " You are just happy because Darren is away " and I said

" Darren who ? " ... seemed funny at the time :-)

I like this:

" Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time--I

think I've forgotten this before. "

--

Regards

.

******************************************

Milton |santeri@... |

-----------------------------------------------------------

http://www.eisa.net.au/~santeri

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[Guest guest]

Hi I am Barbara what type of accident did you have? I have read

some of your postings and I am sorry your having a hard time pain is bad

enough without the Flu and asthma added. Know what u mean about co worker

some can be a real pain in the ass. I am very lucky I was found disabled so

I don't have to put up with that anymore. But by the time I quit I was sick

a lot just from unnecessary stress. I have CFIDS and FM among others and

stress makes it worse it will make it flare up bad. So I am really lucky. I

have visited your home page and I enjoyed it, it is really nice. You live

in Australia? I think so anyway by your e-mail address correct me if I am

wrong. If so what part and how do you like it. I would love to visit there

someday but in the shape I am in it will never happen except online what I

get to see and learn here. I am glad you had a good day today and maybe

your PIA will be out again tomorrow and give you 2 days of peice. Take care

Barb

----------

>

> To: chronic_painonelist

> Subject: Re: Ramblings ...Re: Pain Plus Flu then Asthma

...11 July

> Date: Monday, July 13, 1998 4:52 PM

>

>

>

> Hello Ken,

>

> > You talk about not taking enough care of serious things, and

> > of course some

> > of the specific interpersonal injuries.

>

> I have not really taken care of things as such... since the 1991

accident, I

> just edited out the things I considered to be negative. I still consider

a

> large part of what I like to be trivia and " trivial " , but that is me; and

I

> have my moodier sides ( as weird as they can be ). Like yesterday I was

LOTS

> happier, and showed it, because a guy who regularly gives me grief at

work

> was away. I was told " You are just happy because Darren is away " and I

said

> " Darren who ? " ... seemed funny at the time :-)

>

> I like this:

>

> " Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time--I

> think I've forgotten this before. "

> --

>

>

> Regards

>

> .

>

> ******************************************

> Milton |santeri@... |

> -----------------------------------------------------------

> http://www.eisa.net.au/~santeri

> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

>

>

>

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