* Stress - Slowing Your Pulse

[Guest guest]

The following info is taken from an excellent book called, " Coping

With the Stressed-Out People IN Your Life " , written by G.

, Ph.D., and n R. Stuart, Ph.D., published by Ballantine

Books, copyright 1994. (I do recommend this book quite highly)! pj

" Millions of words have been written about stress management

techniques. When coping with the stressed-out people in your life, we

recommend finding and using one or two rapid techniques that work for

you. Whether you choose a relaxation technique, such as a cue-

controlled, six-second tranquilizer, or a thought-restructuring

affirmation, what you need to is a quick way to steady your domino.

If you've somehow managed to avoid the barrage of self-help stress

solutions or can't revive a now-rusty skill that you once knew,

perhaps the easiest technique to use is deep, diaphragmatic

breathing. " Diaphragmatic " means from the diaphragm muscle that

tenses to pull the lungs down and to create the vacuum that sucks air

into our lungs.

Why are we using such a scientific word for what babies do naturally

or many adults already do when they sigh deeply? Are we trying to

conform the definition of psychology as the science of making common

sense totally unintelligible?

There are differences between sighing and breathing deeply. A sigh

might nonverbally communicate contempt. In addition sighs are usually

not repeated enough to be of much benefit. What we are recommending

is to slow down your breathing inconspiculously by taking a series of

deep, satisfying breaths. The goal is to breathe easily, fully, and

deeply. This can be a healing and cleansing experience.

Who has time to breathe when under attack? We need to learn to make

the time to control our breathing when under attack.

Most of us automatically breathe about fourteen times a minute from

the lower chest area. Under stress we begin to breathe more rapidly

and unevenly from the middle and upper chest. The more anxious we

get, the faster and choppier we breathe.

When we consciously take over this process and pace our breathing,

we take control and take care of ourselves. When we calm down and

slow our pulse, we turn down the " settings " of many other parts of

our stress response. We quiet fear reactions and are truly less " up-

set " .

Try thinking of deep diaphragmatic breathing as " belly breathing. "

We find this simpler name helps many people to remember it, smile

about it, and use it, not only to get focused but to lengthen their

attention span. By relaxing our bodies we can allow the attack to

stimulate our minds.

So you've been confronted or confounded by a stressed-out person and

you've started to compose and center yourself. Now what?

Once you've relaxed and focused yourself, we reommend remembering

that the amount of pain stressed-out people give others is

proportionate to their own pain. It may help to memorize the quote at

the beginning of this chapter. ~~ " The amount of pain people inflict

on others is directly proportional to the amount they feel within. "

~~ Author Unknown

We also recommend assuming that the greater the stress, the greater

the defensiveness, and the greater the defensiveness, the greater the

need to respond carefully. These are probably the healthiest

assumptions to entertain, until you have evidence to the contrary.

In addition we may want to choose to treat conflict in new ways. We

may want to transform it from a win-lose battle into an opportunity

to learn about the stressed-out situation or person, to try out the

new skills we're learning, and to bring harmony to our relationships.

Even conflict that arises from other sources of stress can clear the

air and reveal things to us about which we are unaware. Without

dissent we may be blind to avoidable problems and attractive

solutions.

Are we asking you to just sit there and take a verbal thrashing? No.

Verbal violence can and should be defused, deflected or disarmed, as

we will discuss in later chapters. There are differences between

healthy disagreements, stressful reactions, and destructive assaults.

Unlike the agressors in abusive relationships, stressed-out people

need support. Differences of opinion can usually be resolved

temporarily or even permanently by agreeing to disagree. "

More articles to come on stress in coming weeks!! pj4mollyann