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[Guest guest]

Oh, such a mess he wanted to leave you in Raven! Mine didn’t and therefore I wanted to take half of the debts. I don’t blame u for seeing justice coming your way since it was your right! I’ve had other men in my life who didn’t treat me right as well… But that’s another story….

Love to U

May you have fair wind and following seas.Helen

Re: Sexism or women and money

This worked well for you but it's not always the case, Helen.In my case, my ex had control of all the money as I tried to cope with an infant who spent 19 months in hospital over the course of the first 2 years of his life. He was a very sickly little thing. At one point, he was inoculated with the MMR vaccination only to contract measles and a suffer complications that took him through 13 weeks of hospitalization. As he was already AS, I knew how to deal with his reactions to things when the medical staff did not and, consequently, did not treat him with the respect he needed.During this time, my ex ran up a number of bills that were his and his alone. He bought (without discussions with me) a used truck for FAR too much money (it was already 10 years old and was only worth about $12,000 to $13,000 but he purchased it -- with a bank loan -- for $18,000). He got credit cards in his name only (which I didn't know about until the separation) and ran them up to the max. He had a separate mailbox address (nothing came to the house) and he spent his money foolishly (read: drugs, alcohol, strip joints, et al).He had his career as a professional truck driver; I put my career in jeopardy in the music industry to care for our child (a surviving twin) because our child was more important than anything else in my life. My ex, however, took money -- our money -- from our child and spent it on himself for his own selfish pleasures.When we separated (for the second time) shortly afterwards, I had no difficulty in him shouldering the responsibilities of HIS debts even though they were incurred over the course of OUR marriage. When he declared bankruptcy (prior to our divorce), he tried desperately to convince the courts that I should be equally responsible for HIS debts by virtue of being married to him.I told the courts that I had spoken to him at length -- after our second separation, when I became aware of all the debts -- about a repayment schedule that would allow him $400 per week while on the road for all his personal expenses, clear up the debts within 2 years and provide just enough money for me to run the household. I showed them the plan (I had written it out clearly for him to read and consider while he was on the road at one point). My ex had refused to agree to the repayment plan (which would have saved his credit as well) because he was more interested in hurting me.The courts found that HE and HE alone was responsible for the debts because the bills for which I was responsible (and knew about) were always paid on time. I managed the household on next to nothing and the courts were impressed with my ability to micromanage minimal income through the joint account (he had a separate account for all his paycheques and was miserly in placing money in the joint account). The bank statements spoke loudly on my behalf as well as did the proof that I had to rely on the food bank, the Salvation Army and the local St. de for food and necessities.It's been six years now and I still don't regret having provided proof to the courts that *I* was the responsible person in the marriage while my ex chose to be irresponsible and hurtful towards our child through his poor and selfish choices. He doesn't pay the minimal child support ordered by the courts five years ago.Sometimes, the fair thing is to let the person who irresponsibly rings up the debt, pay for his/her actions.Raven