Guest guest Posted June 15, 2003 Report Share Posted June 15, 2003 I got a phone call from my good elderly friend Elva saying her hubby Doug is having a big bowel operation this Tues & she has to go into a nursing home cause she cant look after herself, so shes upset about this, I havent been in touch with her for 5 wks or so, just on the run all the time, she also told me Doug's son 's girlfriend Wilma moved out they all had a fight. Wilma is about 60 & moved in with them after Doug & Elva got married in March that wedding I told u I went to. she moved in to help Doug out in looking after Elva, Elva had a slight stroke 2 yrs ago & cant cook or walk real fast, needs a walking frame or we hire a wheelchair when I take her to shops or movies. anyway Wilma was working in bris with the elderly showering them etc, for a govt dept.,but left as she has a bad leg, so it was really good her helping Elva, taking her out in car etc. but she always wanted Elva to pay for heaps of things & wasnt fair. like of course they went thirds in the bills its just other things like when she takes her out she expects Elva to pay for everything etc. Doug was awake up to this, shes very cunning. Anyway its a shame she was this sort of a person as she was good for Elva, so now Elva has to go into a nursing home for 10 days then I dont know what will happen when Doug gets home as he'll only be able to do so much after his big operation. Elva was thinking I cld look after her, I said how can I, I have to be here for my family, I said you'll be well looked after in the home, I'll visit you & bring u some goodies etc. & if they mistreat you, let me know & I will tell them!! She is incontenent too & needs help pulling her pads up. I told Elva theres really no room here as well, I mean I can clear up our study (spare room) but it wont be comfortable for her as her own surroundings are & she has bars on her bed to help her get out of it etc. & Also mum's coming in July & will be staying in that room. Doug is being operated on in another private hosp, so this is the furthest hosp from me, of course. so Im gonna have to visit him & take his dirty clothes to be washed etc & bring them back, I feel for them both, so I want them to know they can count on me to do a few things for them. I dont know how he'll cook when he gets home. I popped in to see them today & left on a teary goodbye. so more running around for me, oh well, just the way it is!!. Doug is 81 & has had many operations, cancer, heart etc so I dont know how much longer he'll be around after this big op., so Elva will be devasted if he goes. She hasnt any children or family so will be lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2003 Report Share Posted June 15, 2003 , Sorry to hear of Doug and Elva's situation. I hope somehow things work out for all. Susie .........................I popped in to see them today & left on a teary goodbye. so more running around for me, oh well, just the way it is!!. Doug is 81 & has had many operations, cancer, heart etc so I dont know how much longer he'll be around after this big op., so Elva will be devasted if he goes. She hasnt any children or family so will be lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2003 Report Share Posted June 15, 2003 , My heart goes out to you and them. My father-in-law went through the same surgery and unfortunately he was too old and weak to make it through it all. My mother-in-law was devastated and we all thought she would go next without him. She surprised us all and pretty much took in some people into the house and opened a boarding home. This woman takes care of people all the time. She calls this her bed and breakfast she has always wanted and it fills the void for her. Maybe something like this would be good for your friend. A bit of planning ahead, opening up the thought process with her might help her prepare for what is about to happen. Suggest a group a support group, she will find many friends there as well and this will help keep her going. I know this is so difficult and there is really nothing you can do or say but just know that our prayers are with you and your friends. Take care, lots of hugs...Nola -- My friends Heartache I got a phone call from my good elderly friend Elva saying her hubby Doug is having a big bowel operation this Tues & she has to go into a nursing home cause she cant look after herself, so shes upset about this, I havent been in touch with her for 5 wks or so, just on the run all the time, she also told me Doug's son 's girlfriend Wilma moved out they all had a fight. Wilma is about 60 & moved in with them after Doug & Elva got married in March that wedding I told u I went to. she moved in to help Doug out in looking after Elva, Elva had a slight stroke 2 yrs ago & cant cook or walk real fast, needs a walking frame or we hire a wheelchair when I take her to shops or movies. anyway Wilma was working in bris with the elderly showering them etc, for a govt dept.,but left as she has a bad leg, so it was really good her helping Elva, taking her out in car etc. but she always wanted Elva to pay for heaps of things & wasnt fair. like of course they went thirds in the bills its just other things like when she takes her out she expects Elva to pay for everything etc. Doug was awake up to this, shes very cunning. Anyway its a shame she was this sort of a person as she was good for Elva, so now Elva has to go into a nursing home for 10 days then I dont know what will happen when Doug gets home as he'll only be able to do so much after his big operation. Elva was thinking I cld look after her, I said how can I, I have to be here for my family, I said you'll be well looked after in the home, I'll visit you & bring u some goodies etc. & if they mistreat you, let me know & I will tell them!! She is incontenent too & needs help pulling her pads up. I told Elva theres really no room here as well, I mean I can clear up our study (spare room) but it wont be comfortable for her as her own surroundings are & she has bars on her bed to help her get out of it etc. & Also mum's coming in July & will be staying in that room. Doug is being operated on in another private hosp, so this is the furthest hosp from me, of course. so Im gonna have to visit him & take his dirty clothes to be washed etc & bring them back, I feel for them both, so I want them to know they can count on me to do a few things for them. I dont know how he'll cook when he gets home. I popped in to see them today & left on a teary goodbye. so more running around for me, oh well, just the way it is!!. Doug is 81 & has had many operations, cancer, heart etc so I dont know how much longer he'll be around after this big op., so Elva will be devasted if he goes. She hasnt any children or family so will be lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 15, 2003 Report Share Posted June 15, 2003 , This must be really difficult for you. I know the guilt that comes with standing up for your needs! However, that is guilt you do not need. I do have an idea for when he comes home from the hospital. How about contacting a couple of churches and see if they would be willing to coordinate some kind of bringing in meals thing. When my grandmother had one of her many surgeries, her church as well as others organized it so that there were meals brought in for like 6 weeks. We taught my grandfather how to freeze the leftovers and they had meals enough for several months. Just an idea. Also, those same churches might have volunteers to come in and help with laundry and things like that. Way back in the dark ages when I was in high school, my youth group adopted an older lady and we kept her yard done and other fix it kinds of things around the house. She then gave a big contribution to our yearly service trip that we went on. That was not a requirement, but if it is something they could do, it might motivate a youth group to help them. Not that they wouldn't anyway. I " m s sorry they are going through this and that it is hard for you. Shari http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/BasicComputerHelpforFriends http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/Survivors_Learning_to_Thrive My friends Heartache I got a phone call from my good elderly friend Elva saying her hubby Doug is having a big bowel operation this Tues & she has to go into a nursing home cause she cant look after herself, so shes upset about this, I havent been in touch with her for 5 wks or so, just on the run all the time, she also told me Doug's son 's girlfriend Wilma moved out they all had a fight. Wilma is about 60 & moved in with them after Doug & Elva got married in March that wedding I told u I went to. she moved in to help Doug out in looking after Elva, Elva had a slight stroke 2 yrs ago & cant cook or walk real fast, needs a walking frame or we hire a wheelchair when I take her to shops or movies. anyway Wilma was working in bris with the elderly showering them etc, for a govt dept.,but left as she has a bad leg, so it was really good her helping Elva, taking her out in car etc. but she always wanted Elva to pay for heaps of things & wasnt fair. like of course they went thirds in the bills its just other things like when she takes her out she expects Elva to pay for everything etc. Doug was awake up to this, shes very cunning. Anyway its a shame she was this sort of a person as she was good for Elva, so now Elva has to go into a nursing home for 10 days then I dont know what will happen when Doug gets home as he'll only be able to do so much after his big operation. Elva was thinking I cld look after her, I said how can I, I have to be here for my family, I said you'll be well looked after in the home, I'll visit you & bring u some goodies etc. & if they mistreat you, let me know & I will tell them!! She is incontenent too & needs help pulling her pads up. I told Elva theres really no room here as well, I mean I can clear up our study (spare room) but it wont be comfortable for her as her own surroundings are & she has bars on her bed to help her get out of it etc. & Also mum's coming in July & will be staying in that room. Doug is being operated on in another private hosp, so this is the furthest hosp from me, of course. so Im gonna have to visit him & take his dirty clothes to be washed etc & bring them back, I feel for them both, so I want them to know they can count on me to do a few things for them. I dont know how he'll cook when he gets home. I popped in to see them today & left on a teary goodbye. so more running around for me, oh well, just the way it is!!. Doug is 81 & has had many operations, cancer, heart etc so I dont know how much longer he'll be around after this big op., so Elva will be devasted if he goes. She hasnt any children or family so will be lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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