RE: New to group, with unique situation

[Guest guest]

I wonder if your mother is ill enough so that you could take over legal

guardianship and thus have control of her finances. It would probably be a

horrible ordeal but it sounds pretty bad already. Some on this list have

had the experience of having to care for parents that they are estranged

from and who had problems to begin with. I hope that they will offer some

advice to you. Imelda

[Guest guest]

Sherry my heart goes out to you. My mother did not have any serious

problems beyond the garden variety neurosis that we all suffer from

before LBD but she is now also unable to feel empathy for anyone

else. She was inclined to be self sacrificing but now is very

demanding.

When she was living in my house she very much hated paying for a

caregiver since she was certain she could manage alone. She cut the

caregiver's hours without asking me and the stupid woman listened to

her.

So mother was alone an hour before I came home from work or while I

went grocery shopping. The social workers were up in arms that I

would leave her like that and she was up in arms that I wouldn't

leave her alone more.

I don't have your health problems but I was definitly losing it by

the time mother went to a nursing home. The public guardian was

involved for a month and later he told me that when the whole

business started. he was more worried about me than about mother. She

was safe in the hospital at that point but I was a mess because I had

tried so hard to take good care of her and she acted like she hated

me. She thought her daughter had been eliminated and replaced with a

neighbor's daughter and the neighbor's daughter's look-alike

boyfriend who were keeping children prisoner in the living room. And

of course I hadn't gotten enough sleep for about 6 months. And then

we both had severe flu for a week--complete with poo covered floors

and walls and the caregiver was out of town that week. And one of my

sister's (aka the evil sister) kept trying to make trouble for me--

calling the police with assorted complaints until they made her talk

to their social worker.

I was hysterical for a week or two back then and probably should have

been on medicines but didn't have the time to take care of me. I have

been taking stomach acid pills since then.

One thing--while the evil sister has fought me about mother's care

and has been trying to get mother's money, she seems to be coming

around a little. I'm not sure if it is only another con game but she

is a little nicer and saner as she realizes that mother isn't going

to go back to how she was.

The other sister is drawing much closer to me and even visits mother

once or twice a week. She's been very supportive because she could

see that I couldn't do it all alone. She didn't want any of the

responsibility so she had to support me so I could continue to

shoulder the responsibility. My sister even sent me a Hallmark card

last week that said I was " AMAZING " and she is not the sort of person

who sends cards for anything but I am so she knew I'd appreciate it.

Even healthy, you can't do it alone. This group is wonderful, but

cyber friends are not enough. LBD will isolate you even before it

isolates your mother.

> Hi. I'm new to the group and just wanted to see if my post went

through

> okay. My name is Sherry and my mother has what I believe is LBD.

She's

> presently under the care of a neurologist and her own family

doctor. She

> will soon be under the care of psychiatrist also. She has always

had

> personality disorders and been verbally abusive to me and others

close

> to her. As I am the only family member she has not turned against

her, I

> have to manage her care the best I can. Often times she is very out

of

> control and it's so hard for me to have to deal with as I, myself

have

> really bad health. I have Lupus, Sjogrens Syndrome and Vasculitis as

> well as high blood pressure and degenerative disc disease. I have

> caregivers for her during the week but I have her all of every

weekend

> as the home health insurance will only pay so much. She fights me

tooth

> and nail because I keep caregivers with her at all. She thinks I

should

> do it all and she has lost the ability to feel empathy for my

condition.

> Actually due to the personality disorders she has never been able to

> feel empathy. She is able to pay for weekend caregivers out of her

> pocket but absolutely refuses to do so. She suffers from a total

lack of

> balance and must have someone with her. She's up and down all day

long

> and often at night. Sometimes I wonder which one of us is really

losing

> their minds.....she or me. Does anyone else have these same

> circumstances to deal with? If so do you have any suggestions for

me? I

> am desperate for help. Thanks so much. Sherry

[Guest guest]

Imelda, thank you so much for your reply. It helps to know that there

are others out there who are going through the same thing as I am.

Thanks. Sherry

I wonder if your mother is ill enough so that you could take over legal

guardianship and thus have control of her finances. It would probably be a

horrible ordeal but it sounds pretty bad already. Some on this list have

had the experience of having to care for parents that they are estranged

from and who had problems to begin with. I hope that they will offer some

advice to you. Imelda

[Guest guest]

, I can relate so much to the problems you've had with your

mother. Mine is fighting for all she's worth to get me to leave her

alone and let her stay alone most of the time. The caregivers I hired

for her two years ago are still the ones who are with her, now. However

she has fired them and mistreated them so much til I don't see how they

can continue taking care of her. She was on a good combination of

medications about 6 monthes ago and one by one she came off of them,

slipping her pills back into the bottles after I fixed them for a week.

I knew she did this because of the way she acted without her Aricept and

Zoloft. She also came off the Baycol and apam as well as so many

others I can't remember now. She says she can't afford her meds, but she

can. Getting a call on the phone. Thanks so much for your story. Sherry

Sherry my heart goes out to you. My mother did not have any serious

problems beyond the garden variety neurosis that we all suffer from

before LBD but she is now also unable to feel empathy for anyone

else. She was inclined to be self sacrificing but now is very

demanding.

When she was living in my house she very much hated paying for a

caregiver since she was certain she could manage alone. She cut the

caregiver's hours without asking me and the stupid woman listened to

her.

So mother was alone an hour before I came home from work or while I

went grocery shopping. The social workers were up in arms that I

would leave her like that and she was up in arms that I wouldn't

leave her alone more.

I don't have your health problems but I was definitly losing it by

the time mother went to a nursing home. The public guardian was

involved for a month and later he told me that when the whole

business started. he was more worried about me than about mother. She

was safe in the hospital at that point but I was a mess because I had

tried so hard to take good care of her and she acted like she hated

me. She thought her daughter had been eliminated and replaced with a

neighbor's daughter and the neighbor's daughter's look-alike

boyfriend who were keeping children prisoner in the living room. And

of course I hadn't gotten enough sleep for about 6 months. And then

we both had severe flu for a week--complete with poo covered floors

and walls and the caregiver was out of town that week. And one of my

sister's (aka the evil sister) kept trying to make trouble for me--

calling the police with assorted complaints until they made her talk

to their social worker.

I was hysterical for a week or two back then and probably should have

been on medicines but didn't have the time to take care of me. I have

been taking stomach acid pills since then.

One thing--while the evil sister has fought me about mother's care

and has been trying to get mother's money, she seems to be coming

around a little. I'm not sure if it is only another con game but she

is a little nicer and saner as she realizes that mother isn't going

to go back to how she was.

The other sister is drawing much closer to me and even visits mother

once or twice a week. She's been very supportive because she could

see that I couldn't do it all alone. She didn't want any of the

responsibility so she had to support me so I could continue to

shoulder the responsibility. My sister even sent me a Hallmark card

last week that said I was " AMAZING " and she is not the sort of person

who sends cards for anything but I am so she knew I'd appreciate it.

Even healthy, you can't do it alone. This group is wonderful, but

cyber friends are not enough. LBD will isolate you even before it

isolates your mother.

> Hi. I'm new to the group and just wanted to see if my post went

through

> okay. My name is Sherry and my mother has what I believe is LBD.

She's

> presently under the care of a neurologist and her own family

doctor. She

> will soon be under the care of psychiatrist also. She has always

had

> personality disorders and been verbally abusive to me and others

close

> to her. As I am the only family member she has not turned against

her, I

> have to manage her care the best I can. Often times she is very out

of

> control and it's so hard for me to have to deal with as I, myself

have

> really bad health. I have Lupus, Sjogrens Syndrome and Vasculitis as

> well as high blood pressure and degenerative disc disease. I have

> caregivers for her during the week but I have her all of every

weekend

> as the home health insurance will only pay so much. She fights me

tooth

> and nail because I keep caregivers with her at all. She thinks I

should

> do it all and she has lost the ability to feel empathy for my

condition.

> Actually due to the personality disorders she has never been able to

> feel empathy. She is able to pay for weekend caregivers out of her

> pocket but absolutely refuses to do so. She suffers from a total

lack of

> balance and must have someone with her. She's up and down all day

long

> and often at night. Sometimes I wonder which one of us is really

losing

> their minds.....she or me. Does anyone else have these same

> circumstances to deal with? If so do you have any suggestions for

me? I

> am desperate for help. Thanks so much. Sherry

[Guest guest]

Dear Sherry,

You do have your hands full!

I agree, you definitely need POA (power of attorney) over your mother's

finances/persoal affairs. It does not sound as tho' she will co-operate, and

perhaps you will need her Dr. to intervene. (A legal issue of mental

capacity). I would def. call him and start trying to get some input.

Second, I have found that empathy is not very prevalent now with my husband.

I am just over-whelmed sometimes and sooooooo tired and he is oblivious. ( A

side affect of the disease-self absorption.). So you are not alone! There

are drugs out there that others are using for sleep. Your neurologist should

be able to prescribe something for your Mom.

Remember to try to take care of yourself. (I know it's hard, I just spent 3

days crying on and off-maybe it's hormonal-or maybe I just need a bigggg

pill?-or maybe it's just hard)

Take care,

~Marilyn

SherryYarbrough@... wrote:

> Hi. I'm new to the group and just wanted to see if my post went through

> okay. My name is Sherry and my mother has what I believe is LBD. She's

> presently under the care of a neurologist and her own family doctor. She

> will soon be under the care of psychiatrist also. She has always had

> personality disorders and been verbally abusive to me and others close

> to her. As I am the only family member she has not turned against her, I

> have to manage her care the best I can. Often times she is very out of

> control and it's so hard for me to have to deal with as I, myself have

> really bad health. I have Lupus, Sjogrens Syndrome and Vasculitis as

> well as high blood pressure and degenerative disc disease. I have

> caregivers for her during the week but I have her all of every weekend

> as the home health insurance will only pay so much. She fights me tooth

> and nail because I keep caregivers with her at all. She thinks I should

> do it all and she has lost the ability to feel empathy for my condition.

> Actually due to the personality disorders she has never been able to

> feel empathy. She is able to pay for weekend caregivers out of her

> pocket but absolutely refuses to do so. She suffers from a total lack of

> balance and must have someone with her. She's up and down all day long

> and often at night. Sometimes I wonder which one of us is really losing

> their minds.....she or me. Does anyone else have these same

> circumstances to deal with? If so do you have any suggestions for me? I

> am desperate for help. Thanks so much. Sherry

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Sherry

You have my full sympathy and I dont have any simple

suggestion to make other than getting POA as Marilyn

suggests, although at this stage this may be difficult.

As an early onset parient I have taken the precaution of

making out two Powers of Attorney. The first in my wifes

name and the second in the collect names of my three

daughters. I have taken a great deal of trouble with the

help of my lawyer to specify all my wishes as to how and

when these come into operation, this has been done now with

the full agreement of my wife and daughters. I have also

created a living will which follows the same rules. This is

of little consolation to you but may be of important

consideration to the rest of our friends. I fully recommend

it to anyone.

Regards

======================================

My name is J S

The following are my e-mails

pashley@... [Preferred]

pjsashley@...

p.ashley1@...

======================================

> Re: New to group, with

> unique situation

>

>

> Dear Sherry,

> You do have your hands full!

> I agree, you definitely need POA (power of

> attorney) over your mother's

> finances/persoal affairs. It does not sound as

> tho' she will co-operate, and

> perhaps you will need her Dr. to intervene. (A

> legal issue of mental

> capacity). I would def. call him and start

> trying to get some input.

>

> Second, I have found that empathy is not very

> prevalent now with my husband.

> I am just over-whelmed sometimes and sooooooo

> tired and he is oblivious. ( A

> side affect of the disease-self absorption.). So

> you are not alone! There

> are drugs out there that others are using for

> sleep. Your neurologist should

> be able to prescribe something for your Mom.

>

> Remember to try to take care of yourself. (I

> know it's hard, I just spent 3

> days crying on and off-maybe it's hormonal-or

> maybe I just need a bigggg

> pill?-or maybe it's just hard)

> Take care,

> ~Marilyn

>

>

>

> SherryYarbrough@... wrote:

>

> > Hi. I'm new to the group and just wanted to see

> if my post went through

> > okay. My name is Sherry and my mother has what

> I believe is LBD. She's

> > presently under the care of a neurologist and

> her own family doctor. She

> > will soon be under the care of psychiatrist

> also. She has always had

> > personality disorders and been verbally abusive

> to me and others close

> > to her. As I am the only family member she has

> not turned against her, I

> > have to manage her care the best I can. Often

> times she is very out of

> > control and it's so hard for me to have to deal

> with as I, myself have

> > really bad health. I have Lupus, Sjogrens

> Syndrome and Vasculitis as

> > well as high blood pressure and degenerative

> disc disease. I have

> > caregivers for her during the week but I have

> her all of every weekend

> > as the home health insurance will only pay so

> much. She fights me tooth

> > and nail because I keep caregivers with her at

> all. She thinks I should

> > do it all and she has lost the ability to feel

> empathy for my condition.

> > Actually due to the personality disorders she

> has never been able to

> > feel empathy. She is able to pay for weekend

> caregivers out of her

> > pocket but absolutely refuses to do so. She

> suffers from a total lack of

> > balance and must have someone with her. She's

> up and down all day long

> > and often at night. Sometimes I wonder which

> one of us is really losing

> > their minds.....she or me. Does anyone else

> have these same

> > circumstances to deal with? If so do you have

> any suggestions for me? I

> > am desperate for help. Thanks so much. Sherry

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dear , thank you for your stories. I really admire the way you are

not giving up and giving in to this horrible disease. In my Mom's case

it has been very difficult as she also has the personality disorders to

deal with. I stay in the road every week taking her to various doctors

and she refuses to take any meds although they have really helped her

disposition. We saw a phycholanalyst today for an evaluation and it took

3 hours of testing. It will take at least 3 weeks for the results to be

sent to her neurologist. The phychoanalist did tell me she has dementia

combined with the personality disorders and that her refusal to take

medication leaves no relief in sight for neither she nor me. I'm alone

in this except for the help of caregivers. My only sister died 2 years

ago. Thanks again for your stories and please accept my admiration.

Regards, Sherry

Dear Sherry

You have my full sympathy and I dont have any simple

suggestion to make other than getting POA as Marilyn

suggests, although at this stage this may be difficult.

As an early onset parient I have taken the precaution of

making out two Powers of Attorney. The first in my wifes

name and the second in the collect names of my three

daughters. I have taken a great deal of trouble with the

help of my lawyer to specify all my wishes as to how and

when these come into operation, this has been done now with

the full agreement of my wife and daughters. I have also

created a living will which follows the same rules. This is

of little consolation to you but may be of important

consideration to the rest of our friends. I fully recommend

it to anyone.

Regards

======================================

My name is J S

The following are my e-mails

pashley@... [Preferred]

pjsashley@...

p.ashley1@...

======================================

> Re: New to group, with

> unique situation

>

>

> Dear Sherry,

> You do have your hands full!

> I agree, you definitely need POA (power of

> attorney) over your mother's

> finances/persoal affairs. It does not sound as

> tho' she will co-operate, and

> perhaps you will need her Dr. to intervene. (A

> legal issue of mental

> capacity). I would def. call him and start

> trying to get some input.

>

> Second, I have found that empathy is not very

> prevalent now with my husband.

> I am just over-whelmed sometimes and sooooooo

> tired and he is oblivious. ( A

> side affect of the disease-self absorption.). So

> you are not alone! There

> are drugs out there that others are using for

> sleep. Your neurologist should

> be able to prescribe something for your Mom.

>

> Remember to try to take care of yourself. (I

> know it's hard, I just spent 3

> days crying on and off-maybe it's hormonal-or

> maybe I just need a bigggg

> pill?-or maybe it's just hard)

> Take care,

> ~Marilyn

>

>

>

> SherryYarbrough@... wrote:

>

> > Hi. I'm new to the group and just wanted to see

> if my post went through

> > okay. My name is Sherry and my mother has what

> I believe is LBD. She's

> > presently under the care of a neurologist and

> her own family doctor. She

> > will soon be under the care of psychiatrist

> also. She has always had

> > personality disorders and been verbally abusive

> to me and others close

> > to her. As I am the only family member she has

> not turned against her, I

> > have to manage her care the best I can. Often

> times she is very out of

> > control and it's so hard for me to have to deal

> with as I, myself have

> > really bad health. I have Lupus, Sjogrens

> Syndrome and Vasculitis as

> > well as high blood pressure and degenerative

> disc disease. I have

> > caregivers for her during the week but I have

> her all of every weekend

> > as the home health insurance will only pay so

> much. She fights me tooth

> > and nail because I keep caregivers with her at

> all. She thinks I should

> > do it all and she has lost the ability to feel

> empathy for my condition.

> > Actually due to the personality disorders she

> has never been able to

> > feel empathy. She is able to pay for weekend

> caregivers out of her

> > pocket but absolutely refuses to do so. She

> suffers from a total lack of

> > balance and must have someone with her. She's

> up and down all day long

> > and often at night. Sometimes I wonder which

> one of us is really losing

> > their minds.....she or me. Does anyone else

> have these same

> > circumstances to deal with? If so do you have

> any suggestions for me? I

> > am desperate for help. Thanks so much. Sherry

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dear Sherry

I'm only to happy to share my thoughts with other people

like yourself and thanks to you for your kind comments.

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom but you never know one day

you may get that small bit of good news you are waiting for,

it could be anything, perhaps the prescription of some med

that she *will* take that will have a positive effect.

Before I was put on Exelon I was a completely different

person, negative, moody, suicidal, wouldn't take my meds,

etc.. I'm now a different man.

As for being alone, your not, we are all here to support

each other and that includes you.

So keep smiling and think positively

Kind regards

======================================

My name is J S

The following are my e-mails

pashley@... [Preferred]

pjsashley@...

p.ashley1@...

======================================

> RE: New to group, with

> unique situation

>

>

> Dear , thank you for your stories. I really

> admire the way you are

> not giving up and giving in to this horrible

> disease. In my Mom's case

> it has been very difficult as she also has the

> personality disorders to

> deal with. I stay in the road every week taking

> her to various doctors

> and she refuses to take any meds although they

> have really helped her

> disposition. We saw a phycholanalyst today for an

> evaluation and it took

> 3 hours of testing. It will take at least 3 weeks

> for the results to be

> sent to her neurologist. The phychoanalist did

> tell me she has dementia

> combined with the personality disorders and that

> her refusal to take

> medication leaves no relief in sight for neither

> she nor me. I'm alone

> in this except for the help of caregivers. My

> only sister died 2 years

> ago. Thanks again for your stories and please

> accept my admiration.

> Regards, Sherry

>

>

>