Re: Re: The work: I'm worthless

[Guest guest]

Thank you, . Your reply has been very useful for me. From now on I will say

" Maybe you're right " and smile :0) to statements.

Love,

Robin

wrote:

Dear Robin,

>

> I'm worthless

You are NOT worthless. Noone on this earth are worthless. We are all

here for some reason. Just the very thing that you wrote this

brought meaning to my life in this moment.

>

> Is it true that you are worthless?

> If I lay all conclusions I've made up, what I read how you are

> supposed to live, and what everyone tells me I should do or

> shouldn't, yes. But really, no. I can't know for sure, even

> if the

> feeling is kind of overwhelming at the moment.

Thoughts of how we should or shouldn´t be or live our lifes can for

sure be overwhelming. That doesn´t mean that they are true. Look at

reality and you will always know exactly how things should be right

now. That doesn´t mean that they will stay like that forever.

>

> What is the reality of it? The reality is that I stand, sit or lay

> down. I am eating my food, not studying, not doing any kind of

job,

> and feel depressed. The reality is that I really can't know that

> anything will be better if I got what I wanted. I don't know for

> sure that my life would be more successed in the short or the

long

> run if I e.g. become a surgeon who knows a lot of famous people

and

> have a lot of friends. There is no proof that I don't really have

> everything I want, although I feel an enormous pressure that I

> should be something more. Maybe I am doing exactly what I want to

do.

My expierence is that thinking that I want to do something else and

not doing it is extremly stressful. Do you really want to do

something else? What´s stoping you?

>

> Did it happen? What happens, happens. I shouldn't have done my

> homework, because I didn't. Nothing bad is really happening or

> has

> happened. I am not worse than anyone else if I follow my heart

and

> breaking up with my current beliefs. I wasn't better than anyone

> else because I studied at Sweden's finest school. Everything was

> just a story inside of me. I have always tried top tighten the

bands

> around " me " , but somewhere knowing that it wouldn't work

> this time

> either. Always afraid that I'd die without my story.

I promise you that noone will die without a story. Loosing a

stressfull story will only bring you closer to your freedom.

It happens a

> lot that I think I´m worthless. That something needs a change.

>

> Can you absolutely know it's true that you are worthless? No, I

> really can't.

>

> Can you know more than reality/god? No. It hurts when I believe

> otherwise. Can you really know what is best for your or another

> persons path in the long run? No. It feels like I should know,

> because it feels like I should know what's best for me and we are

> all the same. But who am I to judge what's best for me? It makes

> me

> feel so angry that I still believe this. I still don't feel that

> I

> should do exactly what I am doing. Little raindrops poring down

over

> me all the time saying: " you are worthless, do something, do the

> math. Now! " Everytime I believe this I just want to cry. But how

> can

> it be something else? I believed the same concept of happiness

all

> my life. How am I going to defend how I live my life If I am just

> doing what I am doing?

Who is it you need to defend yourself from?

I can't defend something I do not believe

> in.

NO, because you believe the lies that you are worthless and not

doing what you are doing good enough.

> (Do I have to defend myself?) No. What is the worst thing that

could

> happen? That people would dislike me totally, that I´d be alone if

> I

> couldn't explaine why I live like I live. I would seem to

> insane.

And can you absolutely know that would happen?

" Robin, you´re not doing anything with your life, how

> can

> you defend that your taking the taxpayers money and spend, not

> producing anything. " Oooh, I would be so alone.

And can you absolutely know that would happen?

I don't have

> a sane

> answer. I still believe that I should produce something.

I should produce something. Is it true? etc.

I do, but I

> can't see how. My biggest fear is to be alone. Will you? No, the

> reality is that I can't know. The reality is that I can't

> choose if

> other people will be with me. The reality is that I always have me.

>

> When you think it's true that you worthless, it means…what?

> That it

> doesn´t matter if I live or die.

Robin, it DOES matter if you live or die, believe me. You are not

alone and there are people who cares about you. I care.

This feeling gives me panic, and

> I

> feel insane. It means that people will look down on me. That I

will

> be alone. That I would hurt myself and criticize myself for who I

> am. It means that people will shout out nasty comments. (Can I

> control that? No. Does it happen? No, only in my mind.) It means

> that my mother maybe will throw me out and I'd be alone. I

> wouldn't

> have any chances to study or doing what I'd love. I'd totally

> blame

> society for not giving me any chances to be happy. Obviously this

is

> all in my head. And I feel very stressed believing this.

>

> What do you think you would have if you fully cooperated with

> reality? I wouldn´t be so rushed. I would be calm, and clear. I

> would be fearless and loving. Knowing that everything comes from

me.

> Knowing that what happens, happens. Knowing I can´t control anyone

> else than the inside of me. People would se me as a whole person,

> not split in several pieces.

TA: I would see me as a whole person, not split in several pieces.

Knowing I don´t have to decide now

> what

> to do and how to think the rest of my life. Knowing that I can´t

> know, and that it hurts because I fail to think clear. Knowing

that

> it tastes good. That birds are lovely. And the only one who

> criticize me, is me.

> What's the worst thing that could happen? That I don't use my

> potential. That people don't see me and hail me for the

> intelligent

> person I am. That the world would stink without me. I know I can

do

> everything I have dreamed of. I know I can make several hundred of

> millions and be greater than Jesus or even god. So why am I not?

> Because I don't really wish that. I want something else. I am

> afraid that if I was totally synchronized with reality and got

> everything I wanted I couldn't motivate why I am living like I

> am.

> Do you have to motivate? No. Something bad wouldn't happen if I

> didn't. I don't have to do anything I don't want. Why am

> I still so

> stupid that I somewhere believe that.

It has nothing with stupidness to do. The minds job is to send out

lies all day long. Some we attach to, and some we don´t. We can´t

help it. When we inquire these lies it helps us to see what is true

and what is not.

Why am I holding to that

> belief?

Byron said that she did the work on her mother for three

years, so some beliefs just seems to be more persistent then others.

>

> Where's the proof that you don't have what you want?

> I don't know. There is no proof at all. No proof. I can't

> know

> anything, I can just believe.

>

> How do you react when you think the thought that you are worthless?

> I feel stressed. I feel like I need to defend myself all the time.

> It feels like people would jump over me and question me why I live

> like I do. It feels like I am very confused. The feeling is so

> overwhelming that I even believe that I shouldn't do The work

> because I really am worthless. That's just ridiculous. Where do

> all

> those strange thoughts come from? It isn't me really. They are

> just

> raindrops. OMG. Why do I argue with a raindrop. HAHA totally,

> uninteresting. It feels like I shouldn't have a nice home, a

> computer or anything else, because I am not worth it. I know. I so

> know for sure that I would be very happy if I didn't believe all

> the

> time that I should do something else. I am going to sit down with

> the work one million times if I so must. It feels like I am more

> than I think (honestly I am exactly what I want to believe.)

>

> Where does the feeling hit you? It hits me in the head, like

swarm

> of wasps, and I feel heavy. In my ankles and arms who tighten

> themselves and get stiff. In the near surrounding. I create a

bubble

> around me. I shake.

>

> What pictures do you get, if any? I see my mother yelling at me,

> telling me that I should do things or else I will get out (This

has

> never happened) I slam the door and I cry. I don't know where to

> go,

> and everyone that I would like to show how great and intelligent I

> am laughs at me and my failure. People stop contacting me. I get

> fat, and hate the way I look. I feel ashamed and runs from

> everything. People criticize me. People get all new medicines and

> extend their lives, while I am poor out of the society. I die. I

> feel lots of pain. I ban Byron and the work. I am afraid

> I'd

> get so blind I wouldn't see the healing effect of the work and my

> thoughts. I go inside my shelf. I stand and wait for something

> inevitable.

>

> How do you treat others? Like I'm right and they are wrong. Like

> I

> am a victim for the society. I get angry at people. I make myself

> defenceless and say nothing. I don't know what to do. I go

> quiet.

> I don't listen to them at all. I try and try but never succeed.

>

> How do you treat yourself? I eat. I eat and hate myself

enormously.

> I hate knowing that I don't have to eat this sh-t but still

> does. I

> get low and don't do anything at all, because I don't know

> what I

> really want to do, what's really right and not. I stay at home

> and

> get angry at myself for doing so, thinking I should go out

building

> a great society and helping others. Be a role model etc. I worry

> all the time. I constantly go thinking about what to say or how to

> defend myself when someone will say: Do this. You are wasting your

> life. "

How about just saying: well, maybe you´re right , and then just

smile?

I am so sure that you have to study or get a job to live

> in

> this world, and have what you wish for. I am convinced that we can

> only build a good society if we agree on how to build it and then

> follow the rules. I know it's not true, but I don't know what

> else

> to believe instead of this. I can't see any other option.

>

> Where does your mind travel? To the future, which isn't set. To

> gods

> and other peoples business. I know this but can't really

> understand

> what I am doing so I keep on doing it. I think and imagine thinks

> that haven't happened.

>

> Whose business are you in? In gods business. Only god can know

where

> my path will end and where I will go. Only he knows. I can't.

> When I

> argue with this statement it causes great pain. I don't have to

> understand why I am here. I am here.

Yes you are and for a good reason, I´m sure!

>

> Why do you hold that belief that you are worthless? Because it

> brings me attention. If I didn't held it, I wouldn't care to

> do

> anything else than what is in front of me. I hold that belief so I

> can do what I believe is right. I get to be a victim for the

system

> created in society.

>

> Does this thought bring you peace or stress?

> Stress. It feels like my life fails. It feels like the sky is

> falling down on me. Everything is going to pieces and I'm falling

> into a deep sea and everyone hates me. The sky is turned to black

> velvet and I am sucked in to that hole.

> Everyone is screaming around me and I am in great pain. I feel

> pressure crushing me into a piece of metal. Everything is

> overwhelming. The fireworks come. They burn me, and everything

goes

> dark. I don't get attention no matter how much I scream.

>

> Can you see a reason to keep this thought, without stress? No.

>

> Who would you be without the thought that you are worthless?

> Oh my god. I would be so happy. I would love life and the fear

would

> be gone. I could walk right towards anything without any doubt and

> with a smile on my lips. Everything would be gone. Love would be

> left. Everything is ok. OMG! Everything is ok. It doesn't matter.

> The sunshine comes. Everything is OK. Oh I so want to hold this

> feeling. I want to keep it inside of me. I don't have to do

> anything. I am so lucky. I am so happy. I'd just do anything that

> I

> love without a thought that I shouldn't do it, without a thought

> that I need to to it, or need to do something else. I would be

high

> all the time. Oh my god…I can see it. The solution. All problems

> passing away. I just blew the. Oh my god. This is amazing. I may

> never return to the old me, but who cares? This was much better. I

> never need to worry about anything again. I can see it. A ray of

> light. It feels warm. I don't need this. I don't need a

> computer. I

> don't need a home. I don't need anyone showing me how great I

> am. *

> I don't need my family. I need my. I am here. I don't need to

> keep

> my appearance intact.

>

> TA: I'm not worthless. I am worthy everything that comes in my

> way.

> I am everything. I am love.

> My thoughts are worthless. Yes, I don't have to collect the

> raindrops I don't want. They are worthless, little little

> raindrops. Thank you for being there, I love you, but I don't

> believe you anymore. Oh my god, this is amazing.

>

> I am worth everything I think I am worth. There is no truth. There

> is no truth. I am truth.

>

> I am willing to believe that I am worthless! Yes! I love you,

little

> raindrop. Please come and visit me again.

Good luck and much love to you Robin,

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