Sister-work

[Guest guest]

I have noticed for some time that my sister has avoiding me, and

yesterday I got the explanaition. She called me and after a while in

the conversation we started to talk about why we have drifted apart

lately. She said that it was when we had a fight months back that

she felt that she was finished with this relationship. She didn´t

wanted to be treated this way ever again, so she decided to have

nothing to do with me again. But now she had realized how much she

missed me and loved me.

This could be a happy story, and I could feel understanding and

love. But I don´t. I feel angry and how I withdraw myself. I feel

really childish and small-minded.

Hanna shouldn´t have wanted to finish our relationship because of

that fight.

Is it true? No. That was what she felt.

How do you react when you believe this thought? I get so angry. I

want to get back at her. I suffered when she did this so now I want

her to suffer. Yes, sounds insane to me too. I just feel really,

really angry. I am tired of being understanding and forgiving and

loving, when that´s not how I´m feeling. I am tired of pretending.

Who would you be without this thought? If I hadn´t know that Hanna

was withdrawing herself from me at all, I would have felt love for

her. I wouldn´t suffer at all. I have many friends that I sometimes

don´t hear from for maybe a month or more, but with them I have no

story that it has with me to do, so then I just love them and feel

wamth for them and when we talk again I am just happy. So without

the story that Hanna´s actions has anything with me to do, I would

love her and be happy every time we talk, and I wouldn´t have any

expectations that we should talk or see eachother a certain time a

month. I would just be happy when she shows up. That would be very

peaceful.

TA: Hanna should have wanted to finish our relationship because of

that fight. Truer. That was what she felt at the time. There is

nothing I can do about it, and when I try to I am in her business.

This is truly her business. And it belongs to the past. In what way

was I hurt by Hanna´s absence, besides from my thinking? In no way!

What a nice find. I was ok the whole time. I didn´t need her to be

happy. It was just when I thought about this story that I suffered,

but in reality I was fine every second.

I shouldn´t have wanted to finish my relationship with Hanna because

of that fight. This is truer. After our phonecall yesterday I felt

how I drifted far, far away from her, into angryland and I certainly

didn´t want to have anything with her to do. So we are just the

same. We get angry and then we withdraw ourself from the person that

we experience is the source to our anger and hurt feelings. It just

happens. None of us can help it, we didn´t choose it.

Thank you,