Re: My littlebrother/nne

[Guest guest]

Beloved nne,

I agree with you. I think all my mother ever wanted was love, like

the most of. At the time this happened she was diagnosed as

borderline/schizofrenic/psycotic and was druged most of the time.

She says herself that several years of her life is gone, she only

has vague memories. I guess anyone of us could act like my mother if

we were in the same position.

I really don´t feel I want to kick her ass. I want to hold her and

comfort her. I tell her every time I talk to her that I love her.

What I do wish is that I could have been there for my brother when

it happened, but I see he already had an guardian angel in my

amazing littlesister. She took care of him. And now I am able to be

here for my brother AND my mother:) It makes me so happy to see

that. That was the line that got me back to reality! Now I have my

whole family, AND Hans and a wonderful daughter and Ozzy (and I´m

getting a new puppy in a couple of weeks!) and some close friends,

and last but certainly not least my big internet family which I love

so much!

Thank you nne, writing to you made me shift perspective and

feel very happy!

Love you so much,

>

> Dear ,

>

> All I see in your Mother is a woman begging to be loved...and she

has

> acted out in ways that are so cruel to others as a way to get that

> love and punish when she doesn't believe she has love.

>

> I love that your brother is so strong and brave. I love that your

> sister had the sense to know what love does by getting him down,

> calling the ambulance and going with him to the hospital.

>

> You might do The Fun on the thoughts that came to you as you heard

> your brother's experience...one of MY thoughts are: I should have

been

> there to protect your baby brother and kick your mother's butt from

> here to tomorrow. Off to do a worksheet....

>

> Love, nne

>

>

> > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years

younger

> > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any

contact

> > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to

be

> > around him. And he didn´t contact me either.

> >

> > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail,

> > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now

sober,

> > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days

> > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very

bitter

> > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same

> > position myself, not long ago.

> >

> > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother

Jakob

> > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That

was

> > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When

> > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a

> > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed

the

> > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner.

Finally

> > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you,

and

> > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally

ill at

> > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the

> > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the

> > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round

his

> > neck and kicked the chair away.

> >

> > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down

or

> > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red.

And

> > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call

an

> > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital.

> >

> > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on

this.

> > For now it was just enough to tell you about it.

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

>