Re: my work pt 1c (Tami)

[Guest guest]

>

> i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work

is just

> making me worse.

>

> I think you are so lovable, but you need only *Renata* to tell

you this

> hey, but she does tell it to you all the time

> and it is not enough,for you cause

> you need her to show it to you.

> Hey but sometimes she shows it to you

> and it is not enough for you

>

> You want more

> I don't blame you, I know the feeling

> and the work doesn't work for me either, I do other things that

makes me

> feel balanced (until I am not)

>

> If you and Renata breaks up

> I know you will find a better women for you

> is that such a bad idea?

>

>

>

>

>

> -- Re: my work pt 1c

>

>

> In a message dated 1/21/2006 1:24:23 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> jmknapp74@a... writes:

>

> can i see a reason to let it go? *yes...but again, WHAT IF

IT'S TRUE???

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> so, what if it's true. what if what seems to be my worst

nightmare is

> actually true? what's the worst that could happen?

>

>

> the worst that could happen is the physical and geographical

distance

> between us ends up being too much to overcome, and our

relationship dies.

>

>

> then what?

>

>

> then i come apart. then all the judgements in my mind scream

and scream at

>

> me endlessly. and i believe these judgments. they are CORE.

all the

> barely

> concealed fears and hints of my sense of worthlessness become a

looming,

> suffocating Reality to me.

>

>

> then what?

>

>

> then i suffer. i suffer. i suffer. i am heartbroken and dying

inside,

> yet

> i live through every moment of it. it will be unbearable

anguish. i won't

>

> do well. the damage that i already have inside of me will

become even

> worse.

> more real. more ME.

>

>

> then what?

>

>

> then, very slowly, over time, i will begin to resurface. i will

find

> myself

> still alive and this will be a good thing. what won't be good

is the fact

> that i will be that much less trusting in others because once

again, when i

>

> have opened my heart to someone, that person has rejected it. i

won't

> trust.

> i will put another bar to my own cage.

>

>

> do you trust now? *not very much. i don't trust Reality to be

kind to me.

>

> i am afraid. i am afraid of reality. i am afraid of losing any

sense of

> being loved. i am afraid of my own self-hating thoughts.

>

>

> all these thoughts and feelings you have about being worthless

and

> unlovable

> to others, are they true? *to me, yes. very true. especially

when

> someone

> who once needed me, no longer does and becomes a stranger.

>

>

> CYAKIT? *no. i don't think so. i don't know.

>

>

> how do you react when you believe that you are worthless to

others? *i

> shrivel up and die. my life looks and feels dull and flat and

dark...and

> that's

> on a good day.

>

>

> who would you be w/out the belief? *oh please. do you actually

think this

>

> question can cut through this? this is who i AM! i've been

like this

> since

> i can remember. i can't fool myself right now into

some " better, nicer "

> thought process. that is called DENIAL.

>

> okay, i'll play. i'd be free. i'd be one with the universe.

i'd be pure,

>

> unconditional love. so happy. so in love with life and the

absolute

> fucking

> kindness of Reality. cause Reality is God, and God is good.

and it would

> just get better and better and better. the happy virus would

just eat me

> up

> and i would leave a great big gushing testimonial on 's

website so

> other

> people could read it and get all excited about the miracle of

four

> questions

> that will change your life completely, yet in all actuality

don't do

> jack-shit. how's that?

>

>

> i'm sick of this. i'm sick of being this way. doing this work

is just

> making me worse.

>

> the " lies " win.

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

>

> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS

>

> Visit your group " Loving-what-is " on the web.

>

>