Nailing the truth

[Guest guest]

Nailing the truth

" Did you hear? Our neighbor, Mr. Lalchand, died of a heart attack this

morning! "

" Who? That idiot who used to put loud bhajans during unearthly hours like 6

am? Thank God! Now I no longer have to wake up startled with that loud

noise. All my complaints fell on deaf ears! "

" That is probably because he was deaf! "

" Deaf, my foot! He heard all the gossip about Parvati amma's daughter who

ran away with that salesman through their walls. "

" Anyway, he was quite old, so his heart must have been weak. "

" He was the most heartless guy I have ever seen; I wonder how he had a heart

attack? In fact he used to kick and scream at all those poor stray dogs that

lie around our society gate. And remember those society meetings that we

had. That chap was a sure cure for insomnia. He used to drone on and on

about rules and bye laws. "

" Sssh! You mustn't talk ill of the dead. "

" Whileas, the guy who is dead would talk ill of everybody. He had the vilest

tongue in his evil mouth. Remember the time he had abused Mr. Rehmani for

eating non-veg food and disposing it in the common garbage? He even called

him a Keeda! I bet Rehmani stopped eating even eggs after that! "

" Anyway, we need to visit his house to console his wife. "

As we entered the house to perform our duties, the scowling face of Mr.

Lalchand greeted me from a photograph on a small table below. There were

flowers and incense sticks and a flickering lamp. A brand new nail was

waiting in the wall above. This would be the final promotion Mr. Lalchand

would get.

As happens in most society meetings, you get railroaded into most

undesirable tasks. I suddenly found myself in the unenviable position on the

podium with a microphone in my hand and asked to say a few words about Mr.

Lalchand.

" Actually " , I began, " I cannot describe Mr. Lalchand in a few words, he

requires volumes! " I said grinding my teeth, " However, I shall try to keep

it short. Mr. Lalchand was a very rare type of person. He was deeply

religious. In fact no day of his ever began without his favourite bhajans. "

I grimaced a bit and continued, " He tried to keep himself abreast with all

the latest developments in the society. In fact, he was interested in all of

us. We will all miss his deep and profound knowledge about the laws and bye

laws in our society meetings. He loved animals so much that he wanted them

out of the streets and in their own homes with loving owners. He was a

strict environmentalist and believed in segregation of garbage and other

green ideas. We will all miss him. "

His wife later told me that I had nailed the truth. I looked appreciatively

at the new nail in the wall and nodded.

-Kishore Shah