Buying a TV

[Guest guest]

Buying a TV

Nowhere else are people obsessed by inches so much than when buying a TV;

except, of course, the various internet spams which urge you to add an inch

or two at the required spot. And the higher you get, the costlier the

inches.

For example, at the lower end, a 14 inch minion with an inferiority complex

would cost you roughly Rs. 3000 bucks or Rs. 214 per inch. At Rs. 12000

bucks for a 21 inch basic, it comes to Rs. 517 per inch. A 40 inch marvel

costs you a grand Rs. 1250 per inch. If you aim higher at a 46 inch grand

daddy then those extra 6 inches cost you Rs. 20 to 25 thousand bucks, which

calculates at a princely Rs. 4000 per extra inch. And if you set your sights

really high at a jaw dropping 55 or 60 inch marvel, be prepared to shell out

a ransom of around Rs. 8 to 10 thousand per extra inch. They dole out the

inches to become our rulers!

Reminds me of the math problems we poor gullible students used to be handed

out as very important in later life by our math teachers. If a piece of 6

inches metal costs 45 rupees, and Raghunath buys 14 inches for a hundred

rupees. Did he get a good deal? Which led me to ask the salesman, if I

stacked four 14 inch TVs together, would I get a larger picture for a lower

price? I am going to complain to my math teacher about the rude answer I got

from the salesman.

But inches are only half the story. There are many additional doodads and

whistles on the modern TV, half of which you do not understand and half of

which you do not know. For example, when one salesman launched into a

non-stop discourse waxing lyrical about Wi-Fi connectivity and multi

compatibility and something called refresh rates, I finally stopped him mid

track and asked him " But does this show a picture? "

There is only one thing that is important to understand, and that is the

fact that the main function of all these extra functions is to function as a

suction of your money. So if you buy a TV with Wi Fi and think that it is a

sweet way to address a wife, you had better not shell those extra bucks,

because when they deliver the TV you are bound to be disappointed that no

female is sent along with it.

Another point of confusion is the LED. Ask any salesman the difference

between an LCD and an LED, and you will receive statements which will make

even Manmohan Singh seem confident. He will tell you everything except the

main difference, and that is the price tag, but that you are supposed to

learn the hard way. If you really want to rag the poor harried fellow, you

can ask him the difference between strip LED and full back lit LED (No! I

promise these are not sexual terms.). In short, after a long discourse on

LED, one is bound to wonder if one has not been LED up the garden path!

Another subtle way to drain off some extra bucks from the hapless buyer is

to promote 3D TVs. Now when all transmission is in 2 D, what will a chap do

with the 3 D? I calmly told the guy that I watch 3X movies, so does he have

3 X instead of 3 D? That D, by the way, stands for Donkey. And no, that does

not refer to the three donkeys who stood fielding for India according to

Nassir Hussain the English captain.

I learnt another valuable piece of info. What is the similarity between TVs

and Ships? Both need a lot of Ports. The more ports they have the merrier.

In fact, in that way, I too resemble a TV. The more port I have the merrier

I am; Port wine that is.

One peculiar TV, 'stood' out amongst all the rest of the 46 inches TVs

because it was 47 inches. The salesman could offer no cogent reason for this

anomaly except mouthing gibberish like high definition and slim and flat. I

told him that I whole heartedly approved of the slim part, but the flat part

was something I did not like the sound of.

After an exhausting day, I decided that instead of running after high

definition, it was better to be just 'high'. So I returned home, but my wife

did not let me rest in peace. " So which TV did you like? "

I mulled over this existential question and thoughtfully said, " I think I

shall go for the 47 inches TV. "

" Why? "

" So that when I brag to my friends, I can claim that mine is one inch longer

than my friends! "

Kishore Shah