ander....

[Guest guest]

I'm sure you meant well in your responses here (below), but I don't recall

asking for help, nor feeling pain with what I shared, or wanting to

do the work on this particular issue. Maybe it wasn't really me

who you directed this toward, but since your little droppings

were in response to what I wrote, I'm covering my bases.

Laurie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Laurie,

> First I want to say that , I'm so sorry. I can understand the

> pain

> this has caused for all of you. My husband has said

> very similar callous words to me over the years - and thought about

> doing

> the same as Jakob just to get away.

Sometimes it seems like the only way to shut down our mind.

If you don't know how to meet your thoughts with understanding.

> I'm still doing the work on my story of him because I used to love

> him, but

> I realized that his love meant more cruelty than care.

I don't know, and it may be useful to you to turn this around.

> I want to leave but finances dictate otherwise,

How can money " dictate " something? I am asking, because having an

outer source for pain is... hopeless.

You choose to stay. Because you want ... something more than you want

to leave.

> so I did the work instead hoping that would help me.

> Anyway, it's not so easy to be the mother I want when I'm in a

> constant

> struggle with my spouse with little relief

> and his own projections of himself onto me. Sometimes I found

> myself, out

> of sheer frustration of how he

> treated me, not being kind to my children.

> In a way, I can understand your

> mother. If someone knew her story they

> might feel less angry with her and more understanding that her

> story/experience has hurt her deeply.

Yes.

And this is not about her story, not about my story, not about

anyone's stories... but your's.

I can only take care of my own stories.

If you tell me that I believe stories that are not good for me, all I

hear you say, is that I am doing something wrong.

> Secondly, I keep hearing everyone repeat the idea that it's all just a

> story...which has confused me. I have to remind

> myself that just because and others call them " stories "

> doesn't mean

> that they are " less " than real or

> judged as ignorance because we have them. Somehow in the back of

> my mind,

> that's how it feels. I prefer

> to understand them as " experiences " . It just feels more accurate

> to me when

> using the word.

>

> Basically, yes, it's all a story, but it's the stories that define our

> experience in this life.

I'd leave away the " but " .

And they don't define anything. It's the stories you attached to. The

stories you believed.

Thoughts come and go. If you let them. Take a thought, hold it dear,

and you have a story.

> And, actually, I love the stories.

> And I make no differentiation between fiction or fact.

There is none.

> They are stories which I love listening to. Some sad, some happy.

I can not make myself sad with a story I don't believe. And believe

me, I tried. Just to see what happens.

> And I do wish the sad ones would go away, but they are just as

> valid as the happy ones.

Stories go away, if you let them. You do let them go, once you

realize what they are.

> I'm so glad there's the work. Just wish it was called The Fun. I

> don't like

> " work " . ;-)

> Laurie

Welcome to " The Fun " , then!

Love,