Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Dear Laurie, So... people should respect you, especially males. Is that true? Love, > Hi, > I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on this > one. As far as I can tell, I haven't got time to do the work as > frequently as this is a problem. > > When I say no to some people, they don't listen. I have to repeat > myself to them, not just once but SEVERAL times in several ways. I > find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned > out at > this interruption and lack of respect. It is true that I'm so > tired of > dealing with this issue that I no longer have the desire to be around > people - especially males. > > L- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hi Laurie > When I say no to some people, they don't listen. Maybe you are the one who should hear it, not they? I have to repeat > myself to them, not just once but SEVERAL times in several ways. You need to repeat it until you could hear it. > I find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned out at > this interruption and lack of respect. Who's business are you when you want them to listen? > It is true that I'm so tired of > dealing with this issue that I no longer have the desire to be around > people - especially males. That is tiring to be in other's business, and it is hopeless too This is how I see it. A man wants to get something from me, like a date. I am not interested. I say: NO. He doesn't hear my no I act on my NO, living my integrity, and don't date him. If I want him to listen to me, and cooperate with me that is only because I want his approval I say NO, moreover, I act on my NO So I don't care if the other side listen to me or not > > L- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Dear Laurie, Tami and Sandi gave great advices, so I'll try to ad, and not to repeat. >> people should respect you, especially males. > I don't recall thinking or saying that. Right, you haven't, that was me. What you said was: >>> I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on >>> this one. And you also said >>> I find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned >>> out at this interruption and lack of respect > I already know they don't... Ok, good you noticed. So them not respecting you isn't a problem? You want to be heard by them? So, they should hear you. - Is that true? And it doesn't matter whether you notice they don't. When my ideal of the world differs from what I perceive, when I see something that is not perfect the way it is, I know it's time to do the work. Who's buisness is it, whether they hear you? And how do you know they didn't? Do you recall a situation? > it's > not a matter of what I think they should or shouldn't do. I simply > don't > know how to > be HEARD by them when they are imposing on my VERY clear > boundaries...and > some of them won't just go away especially if I live in the same > house as > them. They are imposing on your boundaries... like what? And if they won't just go away... who does it leave? > B.K. talks about just saying no. I have learned that well. Good. > The problem is > that I could tell any of the males in my life straight up " no " and > they want > to argue with that. I say no again and walk away and they will > follow me > around to argue, or push their point to change my mind. It's their job to argue with you. > I have no intention > of changing my mind because I know what I want and don't want and > speak it > clearly. Well, who is it that wants you to change your mind? > Why is it that no matter how clear I am, the other guy just refuses > to take no for an answer and only yelling at them stops them in their > tracks. Not your buisness. > Do you realize how exhausting it is to have to yell the word " NO " > nearly EVERYDAY can be when the other person refuses to listen? > Does a sane person stay in the lions den when their hungry? Whose > insanity is this? I don't think so. Do you stay in the lions den? .... > Do you see how I'm stuck here? I'm feeling very exasperated, tired, > burned-out, and out of options > for peaceful relationships. The only time I feel peace is when I'm > alone. > I want to work this out > so I can let go of it and stop the increasing frustration and > defensiveness > in me. yes, I'm doing the feeling and thinking. > No doubt there, but I still feel no inner understanding and > resolution to > stopping others (or males in my life) from imposing > on me AFTER I say NO. I'm pretty sure they have working ears, just > not sure > about the brains. > I'm lousy at doing the work alone! I don't think so. How do you feel today? Love, ___________________________________________________________ Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Thank you . Do I stay in the lions den? yes, sometimes I do. Sometimes I leave. How do I feel today? That's debatable. Frustrated when I live in the past or can't find a resolution to what I know is a problem in me when the situation isn't even confronting me at the moment. Happier and more at peace when I realize I have the support and sanity from others to slap me silly with reality and solutions. Yes, I can say no and respect my own boundaries. I'm glad you all shared with me. The input helped turn the lightbulbs on inside to bring me back home. It's actually kind of ridiculous now that I see how I had myself all tied up in knots over this issue. Damn, it was easy. (don't ask if all this is true. i don't know nuttin') the only true thing is that I'm still typing. L- Re: Re: Saying " NO " > Dear Laurie, > > Tami and Sandi gave great advices, so I'll try to ad, and not to repeat. > > >> people should respect you, especially males. > > I don't recall thinking or saying that. > Right, you haven't, that was me. > > What you said was: > >>> I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on > >>> this one. > And you also said > >>> I find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned > >>> out at this interruption and lack of respect > > > I already know they don't... > Ok, good you noticed. So them not respecting you isn't a problem? > You want to be heard by them? > So, they should hear you. - Is that true? > And it doesn't matter whether you notice they don't. When my ideal of > the world differs from what I perceive, when I see something that is > not perfect the way it is, I know it's time to do the work. > > Who's buisness is it, whether they hear you? > > And how do you know they didn't? Do you recall a situation? > > > it's > > not a matter of what I think they should or shouldn't do. I simply > > don't > > know how to > > be HEARD by them when they are imposing on my VERY clear > > boundaries...and > > some of them won't just go away especially if I live in the same > > house as > > them. > They are imposing on your boundaries... like what? > And if they won't just go away... who does it leave? > > > B.K. talks about just saying no. I have learned that well. > Good. > > > The problem is > > that I could tell any of the males in my life straight up " no " and > > they want > > to argue with that. I say no again and walk away and they will > > follow me > > around to argue, or push their point to change my mind. > It's their job to argue with you. > > > I have no intention > > of changing my mind because I know what I want and don't want and > > speak it > > clearly. > Well, who is it that wants you to change your mind? > > > Why is it that no matter how clear I am, the other guy just refuses > > to take no for an answer and only yelling at them stops them in their > > tracks. > Not your buisness. > > > Do you realize how exhausting it is to have to yell the word " NO " > > nearly EVERYDAY can be when the other person refuses to listen? > > > Does a sane person stay in the lions den when their hungry? Whose > > insanity is this? > I don't think so. Do you stay in the lions den? > > ... > > > Do you see how I'm stuck here? I'm feeling very exasperated, tired, > > burned-out, and out of options > > for peaceful relationships. The only time I feel peace is when I'm > > alone. > > I want to work this out > > so I can let go of it and stop the increasing frustration and > > defensiveness > > in me. yes, I'm doing the feeling and thinking. > > No doubt there, but I still feel no inner understanding and > > resolution to > > stopping others (or males in my life) from imposing > > on me AFTER I say NO. I'm pretty sure they have working ears, just > > not sure > > about the brains. > > I'm lousy at doing the work alone! > I don't think so. > > How do you feel today? > > Love, > > > > > > > ___________________________________________________________ > Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hi Laurie, If the people (men) in your life appear to be unable at this time to hear your 'no' and give you what you want (i.e. space, freedom, peace, etc.) can you give it to yourself by removing yourself from the situation? What is stopping you? Cheers, wrote: Hey Laurie! ) It's wonderful to be sharing the work with you and thank you. Saying NO is your business and what they hear is their business. If they aren't evolved in their listening skills yet, that's their problem unless you make it yours. They're doing the best they can even if we THINK they aren't! Is it true? LOL It only takes one person to create peace and you're the one! Is it true that an explanation is necessary? " No " is " no, " and if we defend our " no " with explanation, it often opens the door to conflict and people thinking they can change our minds. It's my experience that too much explanation can weaken my " no. " They hear my reason/excuse for the " no " instead of the " no " itself. Does that make any sense? LOL Warmly, Sandi > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on this > > > > one. As far as I can tell, I haven't got time to do the work as > > > > frequently as this is a problem. > > > > > > > > When I say no to some people, they don't listen. I have to repeat > > > > myself to them, not just once but SEVERAL times in several ways. I > > > > find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned > > out at > > > > this interruption and lack of respect. It is true that I'm so > > tired of > > > > dealing with this issue that I no longer have the desire to be around > > > > people - especially males. > > > > > > > > L- > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Dear Laurie, > Happier and more at peace when I realize I have the support > and sanity from others to slap me silly with reality and solutions. Well, if you don't bitch-slap yourself, sometimes, who does that leave? Just ask! And sometimes, you don't even have to ask! I have a lot of issues with boundaries, as well. Love & approval, Am 04.01.2006 um 00:34 schrieb Laurie: > Thank you . Do I stay in the lions den? yes, sometimes I > do. > Sometimes I leave. > How do I feel today? That's debatable. Frustrated when I live in > the past > or can't find > a resolution to what I know is a problem in me when the situation > isn't even > confronting me > at the moment. Happier and more at peace when I realize I have the > support > and sanity > from others to slap me silly with reality and solutions. > > Yes, I can say no and respect my own boundaries. I'm glad you all > shared > with me. The input > helped turn the lightbulbs on inside to bring me back home. It's > actually > kind of ridiculous now > that I see how I had myself all tied up in knots over this issue. > Damn, it > was easy. > > (don't ask if all this is true. i don't know nuttin') the only > true thing > is that I'm still typing. > L- > > > Re: Re: Saying " NO " > > >> Dear Laurie, >> >> Tami and Sandi gave great advices, so I'll try to ad, and not to >> repeat. >> >>>> people should respect you, especially males. >>> I don't recall thinking or saying that. >> Right, you haven't, that was me. >> >> What you said was: >>>>> I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on >>>>> this one. >> And you also said >>>>> I find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned >>>>> out at this interruption and lack of respect >> >>> I already know they don't... >> Ok, good you noticed. So them not respecting you isn't a problem? >> You want to be heard by them? >> So, they should hear you. - Is that true? >> And it doesn't matter whether you notice they don't. When my ideal of >> the world differs from what I perceive, when I see something that is >> not perfect the way it is, I know it's time to do the work. >> >> Who's buisness is it, whether they hear you? >> >> And how do you know they didn't? Do you recall a situation? >> >>> it's >>> not a matter of what I think they should or shouldn't do. I simply >>> don't >>> know how to >>> be HEARD by them when they are imposing on my VERY clear >>> boundaries...and >>> some of them won't just go away especially if I live in the same >>> house as >>> them. >> They are imposing on your boundaries... like what? >> And if they won't just go away... who does it leave? >> >>> B.K. talks about just saying no. I have learned that well. >> Good. >> >>> The problem is >>> that I could tell any of the males in my life straight up " no " and >>> they want >>> to argue with that. I say no again and walk away and they will >>> follow me >>> around to argue, or push their point to change my mind. >> It's their job to argue with you. >> >>> I have no intention >>> of changing my mind because I know what I want and don't want and >>> speak it >>> clearly. >> Well, who is it that wants you to change your mind? >> >>> Why is it that no matter how clear I am, the other guy just refuses >>> to take no for an answer and only yelling at them stops them in >>> their >>> tracks. >> Not your buisness. >> >>> Do you realize how exhausting it is to have to yell the word " NO " >>> nearly EVERYDAY can be when the other person refuses to listen? >> >>> Does a sane person stay in the lions den when their hungry? Whose >>> insanity is this? >> I don't think so. Do you stay in the lions den? >> >> ... >> >>> Do you see how I'm stuck here? I'm feeling very exasperated, tired, >>> burned-out, and out of options >>> for peaceful relationships. The only time I feel peace is when I'm >>> alone. >>> I want to work this out >>> so I can let go of it and stop the increasing frustration and >>> defensiveness >>> in me. yes, I'm doing the feeling and thinking. >>> No doubt there, but I still feel no inner understanding and >>> resolution to >>> stopping others (or males in my life) from imposing >>> on me AFTER I say NO. I'm pretty sure they have working ears, just >>> not sure >>> about the brains. >>> I'm lousy at doing the work alone! >> I don't think so. >> >> How do you feel today? >> >> Love, >> >> >> >> >> >> >> ___________________________________________________________ >> Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http:// >> messenger.yahoo.de >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 you wrote: " I have a lot of issues with boundaries, as well. " Tell me more about it? I love how you set me boundaries and don't try to please me BUT... I hate it when you set your boundaries by not coming to skype Love you T Double standard -- Re: Re: Saying " NO " Dear Laurie, > Happier and more at peace when I realize I have the support > and sanity from others to slap me silly with reality and solutions. Well, if you don't bitch-slap yourself, sometimes, who does that leave? Just ask! And sometimes, you don't even have to ask! I have a lot of issues with boundaries, as well. Love & approval, Am 04.01.2006 um 00:34 schrieb Laurie: > Thank you . Do I stay in the lions den? yes, sometimes I > do. > Sometimes I leave. > How do I feel today? That's debatable. Frustrated when I live in > the past > or can't find > a resolution to what I know is a problem in me when the situation > isn't even > confronting me > at the moment. Happier and more at peace when I realize I have the > support > and sanity > from others to slap me silly with reality and solutions. > > Yes, I can say no and respect my own boundaries. I'm glad you all > shared > with me. The input > helped turn the lightbulbs on inside to bring me back home. It's > actually > kind of ridiculous now > that I see how I had myself all tied up in knots over this issue. > Damn, it > was easy. > > (don't ask if all this is true. i don't know nuttin') the only > true thing > is that I'm still typing. > L- > > > Re: Re: Saying " NO " > > >> Dear Laurie, >> >> Tami and Sandi gave great advices, so I'll try to ad, and not to >> repeat. >> >>>> people should respect you, especially males. >>> I don't recall thinking or saying that. >> Right, you haven't, that was me. >> >> What you said was: >>>>> I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on >>>>> this one. >> And you also said >>>>> I find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned >>>>> out at this interruption and lack of respect >> >>> I already know they don't... >> Ok, good you noticed. So them not respecting you isn't a problem? >> You want to be heard by them? >> So, they should hear you. - Is that true? >> And it doesn't matter whether you notice they don't. When my ideal of >> the world differs from what I perceive, when I see something that is >> not perfect the way it is, I know it's time to do the work. >> >> Who's buisness is it, whether they hear you? >> >> And how do you know they didn't? Do you recall a situation? >> >>> it's >>> not a matter of what I think they should or shouldn't do. I simply >>> don't >>> know how to >>> be HEARD by them when they are imposing on my VERY clear >>> boundaries...and >>> some of them won't just go away especially if I live in the same >>> house as >>> them. >> They are imposing on your boundaries... like what? >> And if they won't just go away... who does it leave? >> >>> B.K. talks about just saying no. I have learned that well. >> Good. >> >>> The problem is >>> that I could tell any of the males in my life straight up " no " and >>> they want >>> to argue with that. I say no again and walk away and they will >>> follow me >>> around to argue, or push their point to change my mind. >> It's their job to argue with you. >> >>> I have no intention >>> of changing my mind because I know what I want and don't want and >>> speak it >>> clearly. >> Well, who is it that wants you to change your mind? >> >>> Why is it that no matter how clear I am, the other guy just refuses >>> to take no for an answer and only yelling at them stops them in >>> their >>> tracks. >> Not your buisness. >> >>> Do you realize how exhausting it is to have to yell the word " NO " >>> nearly EVERYDAY can be when the other person refuses to listen? >> >>> Does a sane person stay in the lions den when their hungry? Whose >>> insanity is this? >> I don't think so. Do you stay in the lions den? >> >> ... >> >>> Do you see how I'm stuck here? I'm feeling very exasperated, tired, >>> burned-out, and out of options >>> for peaceful relationships. The only time I feel peace is when I'm >>> alone. >>> I want to work this out >>> so I can let go of it and stop the increasing frustration and >>> defensiveness >>> in me. yes, I'm doing the feeling and thinking. >>> No doubt there, but I still feel no inner understanding and >>> resolution to >>> stopping others (or males in my life) from imposing >>> on me AFTER I say NO. I'm pretty sure they have working ears, just >>> not sure >>> about the brains. >>> I'm lousy at doing the work alone! >> I don't think so. >> >> How do you feel today? >> >> Love, >> >> >> >> >> >> >> ___________________________________________________________ >> Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http:// >> messenger.yahoo.de >> >> >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Good point I can always take my hands off the fire, right? And when I cannot it is because I want something else more than a hand with no burns T -- Re: Re: Saying " NO " Hi Laurie, If the people (men) in your life appear to be unable at this time to hear your 'no' and give you what you want (i.e. space, freedom, peace, etc.) can you give it to yourself by removing yourself from the situation? What is stopping you? Cheers, wrote: Hey Laurie! ) It's wonderful to be sharing the work with you and thank you. Saying NO is your business and what they hear is their business. If they aren't evolved in their listening skills yet, that's their problem unless you make it yours. They're doing the best they can even if we THINK they aren't! Is it true? LOL It only takes one person to create peace and you're the one! Is it true that an explanation is necessary? " No " is " no, " and if we defend our " no " with explanation, it often opens the door to conflict and people thinking they can change our minds. It's my experience that too much explanation can weaken my " no. " They hear my reason/excuse for the " no " instead of the " no " itself. Does that make any sense? LOL Warmly, Sandi > > > > > > > > Hi, > > > > I may need some help here in understanding how to do the work on this > > > > one. As far as I can tell, I haven't got time to do the work as > > > > frequently as this is a problem. > > > > > > > > When I say no to some people, they don't listen. I have to repeat > > > > myself to them, not just once but SEVERAL times in several ways. I > > > > find myself increasingly more exasperated, frustrated and burned > > out at > > > > this interruption and lack of respect. It is true that I'm so > > tired of > > > > dealing with this issue that I no longer have the desire to be around > > > > people - especially males. > > > > > > > > L- > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.