Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Dear , Thank you for putting your mind on paper and sharing it with the group. As says, " The thing I love about the past is, that it is over. " It sounds as if your brother has been working on healing himself, with treatment and meetings. Good, of course he is on the right track. Please remember that " Love does not always appear as kind. " And " Love will do whatever it takes. " Love, Steve D. > > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > position myself, not long ago. > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > neck and kicked the chair away. > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > Thank you, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Dear , All I see in your Mother is a woman begging to be loved...and she has acted out in ways that are so cruel to others as a way to get that love and punish when she doesn't believe she has love. I love that your brother is so strong and brave. I love that your sister had the sense to know what love does by getting him down, calling the ambulance and going with him to the hospital. You might do The Fun on the thoughts that came to you as you heard your brother's experience...one of MY thoughts are: I should have been there to protect your baby brother and kick your mother's butt from here to tomorrow. Off to do a worksheet.... Love, nne > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > position myself, not long ago. > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > neck and kicked the chair away. > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > Thank you, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 nne, Your words are beautiful and understanding. I have found that the key to love is understanding, for me at least. I only wish I gave myself more of it. I think once we have understanding, pain ceases. Laurie Re: My littlebrother Dear , All I see in your Mother is a woman begging to be loved...and she has acted out in ways that are so cruel to others as a way to get that love and punish when she doesn't believe she has love. I love that your brother is so strong and brave. I love that your sister had the sense to know what love does by getting him down, calling the ambulance and going with him to the hospital. You might do The Fun on the thoughts that came to you as you heard your brother's experience...one of MY thoughts are: I should have been there to protect your baby brother and kick your mother's butt from here to tomorrow. Off to do a worksheet.... Love, nne > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > position myself, not long ago. > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > neck and kicked the chair away. > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > Thank you, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 thank you for sharing maria...i also have a little brother that i love dearly yet have not been close too ... yet ... and there is always a new start possible. catherine wrote: This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be around him. And he didn´t contact me either. Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same position myself, not long ago. Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his neck and kicked the chair away. My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. For now it was just enough to tell you about it. Thank you, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Thank you for sharing yourself . It's wonderful that you chose to open a door for you and your little brother. The timing seems perfect in that as you reached out to him, he was ready to reach back. The wonderful thing about the past... is that it's over. Maybe the gesture of your Christmas card was the beginning of the end of separation. Maybe the shared experience of the past is the thread that continues to link you all together as family... shared, common ground. I'm sorry for your pain and I hope it subsides soon. Warmly, Sandi > > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > position myself, not long ago. > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > neck and kicked the chair away. > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > Thank you, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Dear Laurie, > First I want to say that , I'm so sorry. I can understand the > pain > this has caused for all of you. My husband has said > very similar callous words to me over the years - and thought about > doing > the same as Jakob just to get away. Sometimes it seems like the only way to shut down our mind. If you don't know how to meet your thoughts with understanding. > I'm still doing the work on my story of him because I used to love > him, but > I realized that his love meant more cruelty than care. I don't know, and it may be useful to you to turn this around. > I want to leave but finances dictate otherwise, How can money " dictate " something? I am asking, because having an outer source for pain is... hopeless. You choose to stay. Because you want ... something more than you want to leave. > so I did the work instead hoping that would help me. > Anyway, it's not so easy to be the mother I want when I'm in a > constant > struggle with my spouse with little relief > and his own projections of himself onto me. Sometimes I found > myself, out > of sheer frustration of how he > treated me, not being kind to my children. > In a way, I can understand your > mother. If someone knew her story they > might feel less angry with her and more understanding that her > story/experience has hurt her deeply. Yes. And this is not about her story, not about my story, not about anyone's stories... but your's. I can only take care of my own stories. If you tell me that I believe stories that are not good for me, all I hear you say, is that I am doing something wrong. > Secondly, I keep hearing everyone repeat the idea that it's all just a > story...which has confused me. I have to remind > myself that just because and others call them " stories " > doesn't mean > that they are " less " than real or > judged as ignorance because we have them. Somehow in the back of > my mind, > that's how it feels. I prefer > to understand them as " experiences " . It just feels more accurate > to me when > using the word. > > Basically, yes, it's all a story, but it's the stories that define our > experience in this life. I'd leave away the " but " . And they don't define anything. It's the stories you attached to. The stories you believed. Thoughts come and go. If you let them. Take a thought, hold it dear, and you have a story. > And, actually, I love the stories. > And I make no differentiation between fiction or fact. There is none. > They are stories which I love listening to. Some sad, some happy. I can not make myself sad with a story I don't believe. And believe me, I tried. Just to see what happens. > And I do wish the sad ones would go away, but they are just as > valid as the happy ones. Stories go away, if you let them. You do let them go, once you realize what they are. > I'm so glad there's the work. Just wish it was called The Fun. I > don't like > " work " . ;-) > Laurie Welcome to " The Fun " , then! Love, ___________________________________________________________ Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Steve You are so sweet: " Love does not always appear as kind. " I love you, my little private helper T -- Re: My littlebrother Dear , Thank you for putting your mind on paper and sharing it with the group. As says, " The thing I love about the past is, that it is over. " It sounds as if your brother has been working on healing himself, with treatment and meetings. Good, of course he is on the right track. Please remember that " Love does not always appear as kind. " And " Love will do whatever it takes. " Love, Steve D. > > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > position myself, not long ago. > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > neck and kicked the chair away. > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > Thank you, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2006 Report Share Posted January 4, 2006 Thank you Sweet Laurie! The key to love is understanding and that includes you, because you are love itself. The Work is the end of self denial. Yours, nne > nne, > Your words are beautiful and understanding. I have found that the key to > love is understanding, for me at least. I only wish I gave > myself more of it. > > I think once we have understanding, pain ceases. > > Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2006 Report Share Posted January 5, 2006 , Thank you for sharing with me your situation and realizations. As well, it's nice to hear that there's healing. As for me and my situation, yes, I did want to leave my husband, and I did leave him (and the kids). I came back because I wanted to finish homeschooling my children and didn't want to struggle financially out on my own. So I gave up one thing for another because I couldn't find a way to leave him without leaving the kids and making survival work. Teaching was my passion and it honored myself more than feeling any pain I believed that man could put on me. Anyway, I considered it a much needed break and made the decision to leave again and again, if that's what I need at any given moment. I do what I want when I want. And yes, right now, I'm feeling those feelings of wanting to leave again. It's not a lie....I'm just not doing it the first whim. I know my situation and know when the best time to do it will be. In the meantime, I remove myself in other ways. Laurie My littlebrother > > > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > position myself, not long ago. > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > neck and kicked the chair away. > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > Thank you, > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2006 Report Share Posted January 5, 2006 nne, Thank you for your kind and loving words. Laurie Re: My littlebrother > Thank you Sweet Laurie! > The key to love is understanding and that includes you, because you > are love itself. The Work is the end of self denial. > > Yours, nne > > > nne, > > Your words are beautiful and understanding. I have found that the > key to > > love is understanding, for me at least. I only wish I gave > > myself more of it. > > > > I think once we have understanding, pain ceases. > > > > Laurie > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2006 Report Share Posted January 5, 2006 dear .. have you ever seen the old movie called MArvins Room..? It is about 2 sisters and a teenage son.. the aunt can talk to the son -the mother treats him badly.. Meryl Streep plays the mean mom and diane keaton plays the nice aunt and leo decaprio plays the son ... Its a good movie.. probably 10 years old. I guess this is a story but " we always hurt the one we love. " . out of frustration and anger .. diane keaton has a line in there about having love in her life because she loves caring for her elderly dad and her senile aunt.. She did not have a husband or boyfriend. but she felt love because she gave so much love.. to them.. I guess its a good one to remember if we ever lose someone we love.. we can always find someone to care for.. love, roslyn -- In Loving-what-is , " Laurie " <laurie40@s...> wrote: > > nne, > Your words are beautiful and understanding. I have found that the key to > love is understanding, for me at least. I only wish I gave > myself more of it. > > I think once we have understanding, pain ceases. > > Laurie > > Re: My littlebrother > > > Dear , > > All I see in your Mother is a woman begging to be loved...and she has > acted out in ways that are so cruel to others as a way to get that > love and punish when she doesn't believe she has love. > > I love that your brother is so strong and brave. I love that your > sister had the sense to know what love does by getting him down, > calling the ambulance and going with him to the hospital. > > You might do The Fun on the thoughts that came to you as you heard > your brother's experience...one of MY thoughts are: I should have been > there to protect your baby brother and kick your mother's butt from > here to tomorrow. Off to do a worksheet.... > > Love, nne > > > > This year I send my brother a Christmas card. He is 4 years younger > > than me, and in the past 9 years we haven´t had almost any contact > > at all. I experienced him as very aggressive and didn´t want to be > > around him. And he didn´t contact me either. > > > > Anyway, after my Christmas card he wrote me a long e-mail, > > explaining to me that he had been an alcoholic, but was now sober, > > getting treatment and going to AA-meetings. And a couple of days > > later he called me and we had a long talk. He is still very bitter > > at our mom and dad, and I can understand that. I was in the same > > position myself, not long ago. > > > > Then I had a talk with my sister. I told her that our brother Jakob > > had phoned me. And we talked about him and our childhood. That was > > when she told me this story that made me feel so miserable. When > > Jabob was 13 and I had moved away from home, he and mom had a > > terrible fight. Dad was at work, and Hanna who was 11 witnessed the > > whole thing. They fought all day, mom got meaner and meaner. Finally > > she said: I wish you were dead Jakob, because I don´t love you, and > > I never has, never! Jakob found mom´s pills, she was mentally ill at > > the time, and took a lot of them. Then he went upstairs with the > > dog´s leash, into the master bedroom, took a chair and tied the > > leash to one of the beams in the cealing. He put the leash round his > > neck and kicked the chair away. > > > > My sister found him, she doesn´t remember if she helped him down or > > if he had managed to get down himself, but his neck was all red. And > > he just cried and cried. Mom didn´t care, so Hanna had to call an > > ambulance and she also went along to the hospital. > > > > This story makes me feel so much pain. I will do the Work on this. > > For now it was just enough to tell you about it. > > > > Thank you, > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.