How Do You Cope?

[Guest guest]

Hi all. My name is - live in Iowa - today I was diagnosed with

spondylolysis / spondylolisthes. I didn't even know this condition

existed until today . . . I've been experiencing severe leg pain and

lower back pain since 2 weeks following a car accident in which I was

rear-ended by a driver going about 65 miles an hour. I gave the pain

6 months to go away (scared of what the diagnosis might be - and I

admit it - in a state of denial that I could possibly have something

going on that wouldn't " go away " ). I thought whatever was going on

must be related to the auto accident (impacted so hard by the vehicle

behind me that I broke out the rear window of my truck with the back

of my head when the seat came off the track).

I'll try to explain what's going on. On the x-ray there is a stress

fracture to my lower spine - the doctor (a spine doctor) says the

fracture looks to be 40 years old - a congenital deformity of the

spine that causes weakness which leads to slippage of the vertabrae.

My lower vertabrae is sitting about an inch forward of my tailbone.

The doctor doesn't feel that the accident caused the vertabrae

slippage, but probably aggrevated the condition and caused the pain

to flare up. I have never before in my life had any kind of back

pain - I'm 50 - and the outward bulge on my lower back has only been

there for 3 or 4 weeks. I'm scheduled for physical therapy 3 times a

week for 4 weeks with a follow up visit at that time. I was told

there's nothing that can be done to " fix " this problem, although I

have read of spinal fusion (which stops the slippage, but doesn't

take away the pain). And I've also read about epidural injections for

the pain. He didn't mention any of this to me. Nor did he mention

sciatic nerve involvement, which I'm sure there is from everything

I've heard and read.

I'll do the physical therapy - I'll try anything - but it sounds

pretty dismal. Some days it takes me 5 or 10 minutes to get out of

bed because the pain is so intense, but I just keep going and the

pain diminishes within an hour or so (but never completely goes

away). I wasn't given any type of pain medication, NSAIDs, muscle

relaxers - nothing. I was told to continue to take 16 Ibruprofin a

day, but I was under the impression that this isn't something to be

done long-term because of possible kidney damage. Does it sound

reasonable to seek a second opinion? Some mornings it takes me 5 or

10 minutes to even get out of bed because of the intensity of the

pain. It was obvious from the x-ray that something is seriously

wrong, so I don't understand why I wasn't given some type of

medication. Isn't there something out there that would be beneficial

to my condition? Do all doctors deny pain medication? I can't even

sleep for more than an hour or two at a time before the pain wakes

me. And I've been living like this for 6 months - even though there

have been days when I feel like screaming " Give me something for the

pain! " And, of course, doctors always make you feel like some kind

of drug addict when you ask for pain medication. I just don't get it.

This is devasting to me. I live on a 5 acre farm and can no longer

even handle a bale of hay. I worked all my life to move to the

country and just achieved that dream two years ago. People used to

tease me - called me superwoman and all that - marathon girl - told

me they would put me up against a man any day of the week. I very

rarely get sick and have a very high tolerance to pain, but this is

wearing me out. And it's really depressing to realize that things

will never be the same for me. That I will probably have to deal

with pain the rest of my life. That I may have to move back to the

city bacause I won't be able to take care of my farm.

And I worry about what happens if the slippage continues? Do I

become paralyzed? I'm a single parent - a very independent person

who has always worked hard (and enjoyed every minute of it). Just

the thought of never again tossing a bale of straw, or pulling a

fence post from the ground scares me to death. Not being able to

bend over to tend my garden. And will I be able to ride a horse

again? Oh sure, I could still do these things, but what at what

price? How do you come to terms with giving up the things you love

to do? The things you live for?

I'm sorry to be such a whiney baby. I know some of you are facing

situations worse than mine. But I'm hoping someone has either dealt

with this spine condition, or just has some words of encouragement.

Thanks for listening.