Work

[Guest guest]

1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why? What

is it about her that you don't like?

I am sad and dissapointed at my sister Hanna because she is

withdrawing herself from me.

Is it true? Yes.

Can you absolutely know it is true? Yes.

So Hanna shouldn´t withdraw herself from you. Is it true? No.

Because she does. That is reality.

How do you react and feel when you believe this thought? I get so

sad and worried. I feel that something is wrong. Something is wrong

with me and something is wrong with her, otherwise we would be

close. I feel depressed and stressed. I am angry at her for chosing

other people and activities over me. I am sad that she has stoped

calling, stoped making suggestions for us to do things tohether. I

feel scared. I think I am about to lose her. When I believe all

these thoughts I feel no love for my sister. I feel angry, scornful,

bitter and dissapointed.

Who would you be without this thought? Happy. Because I would be in

my own business, and I would see that my happiness has nothing to do

with what she does or doesn´t do. It is only when I have this

thought that I suffer. When I forget to think about it, I am

perfectly fine and peaceful. So that is who I would be without this

thought.

TA: Hanna should withdraw herself from me. That is truer. She

doesn´t call, she doesn´t suggest that we do something together, she

mostly says no when I suggest something, like spending Christmas

together. That is reality. I have no idea why she does this. My

story is that it is because she doesn´t like my company anymore,

that she doesn´t feel any connection to me anymore, and that is the

pain. The story I believe. That is what is hurting me, and not what

she does.

I shouldn´t withdraw myself from Hanna. True. 3 ways I do that: I

still call her sometimes and suggest things to do together, but not

at all as much as I used to. I am dissapointed in her so most of the

time I don´t feel like calling at all, or seeing her, for that

matter. When I believe my story that she doesn´t want to be with me

because she doesn´t feel close to me anymore, I drift far, far away

from her. I feel no closeness whatsoever. When I am angry at her and

talk badly about her with Hans. In that moment we could be on

different planets.

What I see here is because of my story I have disconnected myself

from my sister. She didn´t do that. I did it myself and then I blame

her for that. There is nothing she can do that can take away the

love and closness I feel for her. It is all my job. And of course I

see my innocense too. A thought came, I believed it, and on it went.

I shouldn´t withdraw myself from me. Very true. This is how do that:

When I am over in Hannas business, dictating who she should be

spending time with and feel close to. That is most painful and where

am I? Far away, over in her life, only emptyness in here. Yes.

Emptyness and the feeling of being alone and not close to anyone.

Because I wasn´t close to me one bit. I rejected love and closeness

to myself AND my sister. And because of the story I believed, my

inner was filled with fear, anger, bitterness and dissapointment.

2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

I want Hanna to feel close to me and love me.

Is it true? Yes.

Can you absolutely know it is true? No. I want me to be happy, no

matter what Hanna feel, and I want her to be happy too.

How do you react and feel when you believe this thought? Panic.

Desperate. Like I am holding a beautiful ming-vas and is balancing

with it on a slippery floor, terryfied of droping it. I feel so

deeply sad. It goes really deep, deep. I want to beg to her " please

don´t leave me! " . It is very painful. It is suffering.

Who would you be without this thought? Who would you be without the

thought that anyone in this world should love you and feel close to

you? That would be so liberating. That would be pure heaven. Then I

would be happy regardless of others feelings and I would be free to

love and be close to anyone, without needing it from them first. I

would feel so relaxed and calm, and trusting. I would trust in my

own love, my love for myself and everyone around me.

TA: I don´t want Hanna to feel close to me and love me. That is

true. I want her to be happy. I don´t want to force her or

manipulate her into loving me and feel closness. Either she does or

she doesn´t. And I really don´t know anything about what she feels

in the first place. I want her to be happy, even if it means that

she won´t speak to me ever again. I don´t want her to be with me

when she doesn´t and feel miserable. No, I really don´t.

I want me to feel close to Hanna and love her. Yes, that is true.

When I don´t it hurts me because that is not who I really am. The

truth is that I love my sister very much and in this moment I feel

very close to her. And it takes only me to do that. She doesn´t have

to participate.

I want me to feel close to myself and love myself. Sounds like the

truest TA so far. This is the place to start. 3 ways I can feel

close to myself and the love I have for myself: when I do the Work

on my stressful beliefs. That is the most powerful way I have came

across so far to find my way back home to me. When I send loving

cards to people who has touched me. Then I feel love in my whole

body and it´s unconditional, I don´t expect anyone to say thank you.

I do it for me, because it feels so good. When I say yes and mean it

and say no when I mean it. That is really loving to me.

3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?

What advice could you offer?

Hanna shouldn´t have yelled at me the other day on the phone when I

was totally innocent and then hung up the phone in my ear.

Is it true? No, because that was what happened.

How do you react when you believe that thought? I was insanely mad

at her. She had forgot a pair of jeans here and I spit on them. I

felt so unfairly treated. I was the messanger and she killed me.

(Metaphore, no, I don´t believe she killed me.) She took out all her

shit on me and then she throw the phone in my ear. And I haven´t

heard from her since. I was relly, really mad and hurt. Then I

phoned my dad and complained. And I told him some things about Hanna

that I´m sure she didn´t want him to know. I wanted revange, and of

course it didn´t feel good, and now I feel farer away from her than

ever. And guilty.

Who would you be without this thought? I would see that she was

under extreme pressure and I would have remembered all the times I

have acted just the same way and I would have felt understanding for

her. I would have felt love and compassion for her. I would see that

nothing terrible has happened in reality. Here I am, sitting with my

computer, typing, feeling pretty calm, breathing, alive and well. It

would be wonderful to not believe that thought anymore. I would be

so much more peaceful.

TA: Hanna should have yelled at me the other day on the phone when I

was totally innocent and then hung up the phone in my ear. Truer,

that is what happened. Ultimately we are all innocent. She believed

a painful story at that moment that made her act the way she did.

Just as I did when I spit on her jeans and called my father. I see

there are no difference between the two of us. We have everything in

common: believing our painful stories and acting them out.

TA: I shouldn´t have yelled at her the other day when she was

totally innocent and then spit on her jeans. Very true. I yelled at

her in my head and called her all kinds of awful things. And I

couldn´t stop that no more than she could stop what she was doing. I

had no control over it. And neither had she.

Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in order for

you to be happy?

I need Hanna to apologize for that phonecall.

Is it true? I don´t know. Let´s have a look at it. She apologize.

And what would you have? The feeling that I was right and she was

wrong. And the next time someone steps on your toes and they don´t

apologize. Then what? Then I sit with my grudge and bitterness and

anger. This really doesn´t sound healthy or sane to me. So give me

one sane reason to why anyone in this world should apologize to you?

I can´t come up with any. Not a single one.

So you need Hanna to apaologize to you, is that really true? No.

It´s a story. The story of " if she says she is sorry I will feel

better " . And how about starting to feel better now WITHOUT the

apology that obviously isn´t there? Yes, please!

Ok, how do react and feel when you believe this thought? I refuse to

contact her before she apologize. That sounds redicioulos now. I

shut her out of my life. I see her as the enemy. I feel cold towards

her. I am also afraid to get rejeted if I contact her. Or just be

met with cold politeness. That would be the worst. Cold politness is

a horrible game. The only way not to play along is to be honest, no

matter what the other person says, for your own sake.

Who would you be without this thought? Free. Free to live my life in

the most loving way to me. Free to love whom ever I chose, even

those who doesn´t love me back. In great peace with myself and

everyone around me.

TA: I don´t need Hanna to apologize for that phonecall. I see that

this is so much truer. She hasn´t apologize and I can still be very

happy and peaceful. It´s just when I believe this thought that I am

kicked out of heaven. When I sit by my computer, listening to

beautiful Christmas songs and is occupied with something amusing,

this thought isn´t in my mind, and I feel happy, relaxed, calm and

peaceful.

TA: I need me to apologize to my sister. This is true. I have done a

lot of things I would like to apologize for. And I still don´t have

the guts to pick up the phone or write that letter to her. Maybe

this is what she is feeling too. I can´t do it, and I expect her to

do it. And when I can do it, I don´t think I even will have the need

for her to do it anymore. This is the TA for me to live. Someone

should apologize. Can I go first? I just don´t know right now.

5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

Hanna is stubburn, immature, hottempered, generous, funny,

aggressive, defensive, a survivor, strong.

This is a perfect description of me. There is nothing more to say.

That´s me.

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her again?

I don't ever want Hanna to shut me out of her life again.

TA: I look forward to Hanna shut me out of her life again. Yes, She

is my teacher. All of this will show me where my work is not done.

No catastrophy, just some more work to do;)

Thank you for listening,