Re: HELP ME!

[Guest guest]

, I recommend going to see a therapist yourself and explaining the

situation with your dh. Perhaps he would attend a session if he knew it would

help your son and the family. Pam

[Guest guest]

If you find a therapist that does specialize in parents with as kids, could I

please have her/his name and number too? I could use all the help I can get

!LOL!!

erica

[Guest guest]

thank you so much!!!

erica

[Guest guest]

Thanks Lori-

I wish my dh would go to an appointment with me, he thinks Quinn

will grow out of this. LOL! He has no clue what we are up against.

He works from 7-7 so he only see the boys (I have a 4 y/o as well)

for about 15 min during the week then on the weekend yells the whole

time, yea that makes everyone better. Thanks for sharing and

letting me know I am not alone!

---

In , lori jennings <lozzy3us@...>

wrote:

>

> I too have a 6 yr old aspie and I definately know how you feel. I

do not have great words of wisdom but I do know that there are good

days and bad. In the end I think you can't look at what happened

yesterday but take it one day at a time. I too have had trouble with

my husband understanding that spanking is not the answer. Our aspie

is my nephew that we got custody of a little over a year ago. The

thing that helped me the most was finally getting my husband to go

to a dr appt. I also started to relax and know that Cole's behavior

is not going to be perfect and to take him for what he is. My dh

still has trouble understanding why he wets his pants or why the tv

stimulates him beyond control. Hope this helps. It always helps to

know you are not alone!

> Lori

>

> carmel_mom2 <bqscrini@...> wrote:

> I am sort of a lurker here but I am at my wits end right now and

> could use any advise. My son is 6 years old and in a regular

school

> situation, we even have him doing the same behavior consiquenses

as

> the other children. They have 3 sticks a green, yellow, red. He

> was doing so well, but the past few weeks he has gotten at least

two

> sticks pulled a day, resulting in a note home that I need to sign.

> Three sticks is a phone call home, got one of those today. He used

> to care and get upset but as all AS kids do he has adapted and is

> emotionless now when it happens,he sees no consequence,only " I

will

> try again tomorrow. " It is like banging my head against a wall! I

> try to vent to my husband but his response is " spank him " yea

right

> that's going to work and I don't believe in it anyway. I told him

> that spanking doesn't do anything and he hangs up on me after

> saying " oh yea I am a bad parent " what the hell is that? I am just

> in tears over this and don't know what to do, my little guy will

be

> home in a half hour and I don't know what to do with him, talk

yes,

> send him to his room? He doesn't care he will spend all day in

> there! Help any suggestions will be taken into great

> consideration.

>

>

>

> Sorry to rant, I just don't have anyone to talk to.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I will pass on her info when I get it for sure!!!!

>

> If you find a therapist that does specialize in parents with as

kids, could I

> please have her/his name and number too? I could use all the help I

can get

> !LOL!!

> erica

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am just

> in tears over this and don't know what to do, my little guy will be

> home in a half hour and I don't know what to do with him, talk yes,

> send him to his room? He doesn't care he will spend all day in

> there! Help any suggestions will be taken into great

> consideration.

>

>

>

> Sorry to rant, I just don't have anyone to talk to.

>

Dear ,

Guys just don't get it sometimes. Even my husband who is an aspie

himself doesn't get it all the time (and you would think he would

know!).

As for your ds, you and your school will have to figure out something

different that will motivate your son. That's how it works with

aspies. Stickers and things that work with other kids will not always

work with aspies. Or they may work for a time, then stop working. 1-

2-3 magic is good and works, but you still need a motivation/reward

system for being good. We have short term and long term rewards at

our house. If my son did well at school (there were certain specific

behaviors that were tracked), then when he came home he was allowed to

play computer games. For a good week, he could rent a video game to

play. This is what motivates my son. Your son will be different.

Negative consequences will not motivate him to be good.

Now I am not advocating the elimination of negative consequences, but

there should be a positive behavior plan in place to encourage good

behavior. Any negative consequences that flow from bad behavior

should relate to the bad behavior. For example, my ds constantly ran

in the hallway of his primary school despite warnings, discussions,

positive behavior plans, and negative consequences. He could not stop

from running. Then one afternoon after school, he had to walk up and

down the hallway (with a teacher keeping him from running) for 30

minutes. Not only did this interfere with his computer time, but also

was a very boring activity related to his behavior. He never ran in

the hallway again.

I hope this helps. They do get better. Then they hit 12 (where my

son is now) and adolescence kicks in! Joy! Joy!

P.

[Guest guest]

Subject: ( ) Help me!

I am sort of a lurker here but I am at my wits end right now and

could use any advise. My son is 6 years old and in a regular school

situation, we even have him doing the same behavior consiquenses as

the other children. They have 3 sticks a green, yellow, red. He

was doing so well, but the past few weeks he has gotten at least two

sticks pulled a day, resulting in a note home that I need to sign.

Three sticks is a phone call home, got one of those today. He used

to care and get upset but as all AS kids do he has adapted and is

emotionless now when it happens,he sees no consequence,only " I will

try again tomorrow. " It is like banging my head against a wall! I

try to vent to my husband but his response is " spank him " yea right

that's going to work and I don't believe in it anyway. I told him

that spanking doesn't do anything and he hangs up on me after

saying " oh yea I am a bad parent " what the hell is that? I am just

in tears over this and don't know what to do, my little guy will be

home in a half hour and I don't know what to do with him, talk yes,

send him to his room? He doesn't care he will spend all day in

there! Help any suggestions will be taken into great

consideration.

Sorry to rant, I just don't have anyone to talk to.

,

Hi. You can't say " sorry " on this list.

I think it is obvious that he doesn't care because he can't win. When you

are constantly defeated, you eventually will give up. That is why you need

to have a system set up appropriately that he has a chance of succeeding at.

You start with asking him to do what he could do, then reward and increase

your expectations over time and making rewards less often or fading out as

you can.

The husband part is not so simple. But in general, guys get mad when they

can't fix something. So sounds like he is telling you to fix it by smacking

the problem around and when you reject that idea, he has no more ideas

available, can't fix the problem so doesn't know why you are talking to him

about it. Is that pretty much how it works? lol! Augh! I feel your pain.

I can only say that you need to try to get him involved in parenting

whenever possible. But he sure isn't going to help much with the current

problem!

As for what to do with your little guy, I tend to not punish at home for

what happens at school. If the kid was being a brat on purpose, I would

probably punish him at home. But this situation seems like he needs a

better system that he can hope to succeed at. And so I wouldn't punish him.

Home is a haven from school as much as possible.

Roxanna