Work (long)

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1. Who angers, confuses, or disappoints you, and why? What is it

about her that you don't like?

I am hurt and sad by Sue because she doesn´t care about my feelings.

Is it true? Yes, she told me so.

Can you absolutely know it´s true? No.

How do you react and feel when you believe this thought? I get very

sad, angry, afraid, hateful. But mostly very, very sad I think. I

don´t want to be her friend anymore. I block her from my e-mail. I

feel she is dangerous and that I should stay away.

Who would you be without this thought? No more stress. Happy,

peaceful and calm.

TA: Sue does care about my feelings. This could be as true. I have

no way of knowing if that is true or not.

I don´t care about Sue´s feelings. Truer. 3 examples: When I

revealed her secrets about her and Tom to the other group. Then I

didn´t give a fuck about her feelings. When I think she should care

about me, and she doesn´t, then I only think about my needs. When I

want her to keep talking to me on the phone instead of hanging up to

have sex with Tom, then I only have my own feelings in mind.

TA: I don´t care about my feelings. True. 3 examples: When I leave

my business and go into Sue´s and Tom´s, I don´t care much about my

own feelings. When I go around and feel pain instead of examine my

thoughts, then I don´t care about my feelings. When I yell and snap

at Hans and my daughter, I don´t care about by feelings. Because all

of these things hurt me and isn´t loving to me.

2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

I want Sue to understand me.

Is it true? Yes.

Can you absolutely know this is true? Yes.

So Sue should understand you, is that true? No, not if she doesn´t.

How do you feel and react when you believe that she should

understand you, and she doesn´t? With despair and hate. I feel

powerless and I want to hurt Sue by writing nasty things to her. It

is very painfil and stressful to believe this thought.

Who would you be without it? Happy and carefree, I think. I would go

on with my life and not have any worries about who understands me

and not.

TA: Sue shouldn´t understand me. This is true when she doesn´t. It

is just how it is, she can´t help it.

I should understand Sue. True. 3 ways how I can do that right now. I

can understand that she doesn´t care. I am the same sometimes. I can

understand why having sex with Tom seemed more tempting to her that

talking to me. I can understand why she doesn´t understand me. I

don´t understand her either all the time!

I should understand myself. Sounds very true. I haven´t quite

figured out what made me react so strongly in the first place. So if

I want understanding, this is the place to start, because when I

have learned to understand myself, I don´t have to go outside of

myself to seek understanding.

3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think or feel?

What advice could you offer?

Sue shouldn´t write mean posts to me.

Is it true? No, because I find them mean and she is the one writing

them. So if she writes mean posts, that is her job for now.

How do you react and feel when you believe this thought? I get so

very, very sad. I feel like someone put a knife in my heart. I feel

a lot of hate and I write mean posts back, to hurt her. And of

cource, I am the one that hurts.

Who would you be without this thought? Maybe I wouldn´t see them as

mean but just Sue expressing her opinions. And maybe I could laugh

at the whole thing and see the insane in it. I would be a lot

happier and peaceful. And calm. No stress. It would be heavenly to

not belive this thought anymore!

TA: Sue should write mean posts to me. True, if that is what she

does. Just a bird singing her song. Mean is my story.

I shouldn´t write mean posts to Sue. Oh yes, this is definitly

truer. I am the one writing mean posts, with the intention to hurt.

And that is painful. The good thing is that I could stop it. It just

hurted too much to continue.

I shouldn´t write mean posts to myself. Very true. For every mean

post, word and thought I say, it all comes back to me and hurt me. I

really would like to be kind to myself and I am working on it. 3

ways I do that: I do the Work on my painful thoughts. I let Hans

take care of me. He loves it, and I love to be his little baby. I do

nice things for myself, I Christmas decorate my home, I lit a lot of

scented candles and incense, I go to the hardresser and get my hair

made. I am with the people I love and my baby Ozzy, of course.

4. Do you need anything from her? What do her need to do in order

for you to be happy?

I need Sue to leave me alone.

Is it true? Yes.

Can you abslolutely know this is true? No. Maybe I don´t need that

in order to be happy. Maybe it´s more true that I need to inquire my

stressful thoughts in order to be happy.

How do you react and feel when you believe this thought? I feel a

big distance between me and Sue. I´m afraid of her, that she is

going to terror-write to me in the group. It´s a very stressful

thought, and Í am totally in her business when I have that thought.

Very painful.

Who would you be without this thought? Happy and carefree. Free.

Peaceful.

TA: I don´t need Sue to leave me alone. That sounds truer. I don´t

need anything from anybody to be happy, it´s all about my thinking.

I need me to leave Sue alone. Yes! Of course! I need to stay out of

her business, that is what is making me feel miserable. Not what she

says or do, or think or feel (or don´t feel). That was a really nice

find.

I need me to leave me alone. I don´t know what that means. Any

suggestions?

5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

Sue is a cold-hearted, uncaring, egotistical bitch with serious

problems.

TA: I am cold-hearted. Sure, I can find that. I have passed a lot of

homeless people in Stockholm, just went by them, ignoring their

begging for a penny to food. Sometimes I just don´t feel a lot of

love and compassion.

I am uncaring. Yes, I have many examples of that. The moment I think

that Sue should care, and she doesn´t, I am not caring at all about

her. Only me, me, me.

I am egotistical. Yes, aren´t we all that ultimately? Even if I do

something nice for you, it is really because it feels so good for me

to do it. And of course I always want it my way, if it was up to me

to decide. Which it thank God isn´t!

I am a bitch with serious problems. Oh, yes, tell me about it. I can

be REALLY bitchy. And I am sure I have some serious problems in my

thinking, when I sit by the computer and feel bad over a story,

instead of joining my daughter and her boyfriend in the kitchen,

baking cookies, or snuggeling up with Hans in the sofa, watching a

good movie. LOL!

6. What is it that you don't want to experience with that person

again?

I don't ever want to talk to Sue again.

I look forward to talk to Sue again. Not really, but I don´t feel

fear anymore. Well, chanses are it will happen, so I guess I can

might as well unblock her from my mail too;)!

If you want to comment , you are very welcome!

Love,