Absence vs Presence and Peace

[Guest guest]

Mona,

This was very helpful.

>

> If she starts being quiet and stops slamming her door, (whether I

asked her to or not) I may feel peace - but it is not necessarily for

the popular explanation. (That she did what I wanted.) The reason I

feel better and less stressed is because now I don't have the belief

that she should be quiet and that she shouldn't slam the door. It's

the absence of the stressful thought that makes me feel better - not

the presence of a quiet neighbor.

>

> Not being clear about this subtle distinction is the root of all my

confusion - believing that the presence of other things will make me

happy. It's giving credit to the outside, when it really comes from

the inside.

> In the moments when the doors aren't being slammed and she's not

> being loud, I don't mistakenly tell myself that I'm happy because

> she's being quiet. I'm clear that I'm happy because I don't believe

> the thought she should be quiet. And whether she's being loud or

not, my happiness is always as a result of my thinking.

Thanks,

Marsha