Wise, clear and enlighted

[Guest guest]

I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my thought.

Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true? No,

I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel when

you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are doing

this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work harder

and do something different, express myself more like this or that

person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and to

others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

this to me.

Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need to

try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and being ok

with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted.

Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have been

attached to.

I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up and

makes me forget it for a while.

I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I can´t

do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t even

hear what they say.

Love,

[Guest guest]

Dear :

You said:

" Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need to

try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and being ok

with it. Feeling peaceful with being . "

How about " Sometimes wise, sometimes clear and occasionally

enlightened? "

Question number 3 holds so much possibility for us. For me - right

now, it is the key to happiness. If I can be still and sincerely

listen to the heart, I get a glimpse of who I really am thru the fog

of lies that are floating through the mind. Egad, could I handle

being that perfect - that peaceful - that loving - that happy - that

innocent?? I ask the heart and it responds, of course you can,

sweetheart. AAAHHH, I can feel the tension melting.

Thanks for your posts, , and thank you for coming back to

bring us The Work.

Love, Steve D.

>

> I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

> really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my thought.

> Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true?

No,

> I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel when

> you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

> things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

> focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

> about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

> people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are doing

> this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work harder

> and do something different, express myself more like this or that

> person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and to

> others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

> this to me.

> Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need to

> try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and being

ok

> with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

> TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted.

> Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have been

> attached to.

> I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up and

> makes me forget it for a while.

> I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I

can´t

> do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t even

> hear what they say.

>

> Love,

[Guest guest]

Hi . This inquiry-- " I want people to see me as wise and clear

and enlightened " --is (has been) my story. Thanks for this work.

I want to report that my thinking told me that I wanted to be " like

" (in the " enlightenment " department, that is.) I found a lot

of freedom in being boring old me. (And I can't know about

the " boring " part.)

On another day I had the insight that at times I do The Work in

order to try and be happy--again, like (my projection of

.) I also realized that I could skip the middle step--doing The

Work--and go straight to happiness by asking for what I want. This

one change has really made such a difference in my life and in how

happy I am.

I still do The Work, when it feels like what I want to do. And when

I prefer watching a movie, going out with a friend, or just being

a " bum " (and I don't know about the " bum " part), then I do that

instead.

I think (this is me here reporting about me, not making a suggestion

for you or your path) that I have, at times, used The Work as a way

to avoid asking for what I want. For example, I may want my husband

to pick up his socks and instead of asking, I write a worksheet on

him and the socks on the floor. Although I found some clarity, I

wasn't happier. Now it seems easier for me to ask him to pick up the

damn socks and then I do The Work on his response.

That's my report. Thanks again, , for bringing it all back to

me. Love, Heidi

>

> I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

> really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my thought.

> Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true?

No,

> I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel

when

> you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

> things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

> focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

> about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

> people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are

doing

> this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work harder

> and do something different, express myself more like this or that

> person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and to

> others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

> this to me.

> Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need to

> try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and being

ok

> with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

> TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted.

> Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have been

> attached to.

> I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up and

> makes me forget it for a while.

> I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I

can´t

> do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t

even

> hear what they say.

>

> Love,

[Guest guest]

Dear Heidi,

thanks for your respons! I haven´t come this far yet to be satisfied

with just being " boring " old me. Well, that´s not the whole truth.

It would be more correct to say that I still have some attachment to

the thought that I want to be wiser etc. But when I dont think about

it, boring old me feels fine!

Asking for what you want was one of the first things I really took

to my heart when I read s first book. I´m really good at it! I

asked for money from my dad and grandma to go in therapy, I ask

friends for help or if I can borrow things, I ask my boyfriend for

all kinds of things all day long, I asked my doctor to prescribe the

pills i wanted to have, I ask people in this group for help when I

feel i need it, shortly said I have been very good at asking for

what I want. I was suprised to see that people mostly says yes. And

when they say no, it´s almost every time ok with me, and if it´s

not, I know it is my problem so i don´t get into an argument with

them. I just say ok and thank you, and then I do the work.

About why I do the work. Sure I sometimes have had motives like " I

want to be wiser " and " I want to be more like " . But no, I

can´t see that it is my main motive. Actually I cant tell you what

my motive is. Something makes me get up from the sofa, to the

computer and do it. I just love doing the work. I love the suprises

I get. I love the feeling I have in my body when i do it. I love the

effects of it. I love the connection with myself I get when I do it.

I am totally connected. The rest of the world disappears. Somewhere

in the distance I hear my boyfriend playing hardrock music really

loud and I almost notice how he is kissing me on the head. I have a

wonderful moment with myself. Maybe that is what means when

she says that the Work is meditation?

Love,

> >

> > I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

> > really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my

thought.

> > Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true?

> No,

> > I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel

> when

> > you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

> > things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

> > focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

> > about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

> > people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are

> doing

> > this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work

harder

> > and do something different, express myself more like this or

that

> > person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and

to

> > others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

> > this to me.

> > Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need

to

> > try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and

being

> ok

> > with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

> > TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and

enlighted.

> > Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have

been

> > attached to.

> > I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up

and

> > makes me forget it for a while.

> > I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I

> can´t

> > do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t

> even

> > hear what they say.

> >

> > Love,

[Guest guest]

>

> Dear Heidi,

> >

> > Hi . > > >

Thank you. )

[Guest guest]

Dear Heidi,

I have thought about this part:

> I think (this is me here reporting about me, not making a suggestion

> for you or your path) that I have, at times, used The Work as a way

> to avoid asking for what I want. For example, I may want my husband

> to pick up his socks and instead of asking, I write a worksheet on

> him and the socks on the floor. Although I found some clarity, I

> wasn't happier. Now it seems easier for me to ask him to pick up the

> damn socks and then I do The Work on his response.

I belive the insight I can get here, when I do the work on something

instead of asking, does get me closer to the asking, and closer to find

out why it is that I don't ask.

In my experience so far, I don't do something because I want something

else more than what I think I want in the first place. I don't ask my

boss for a higher salary, because more than a higher salary, I want him

to not " not approve " of me, as he could if I asked. Although that is

nothing I can really know.

Just some thoughts.

Love,

Am 23.04.2005 um 18:16 schrieb Heidi Sewall:

> Hi . This inquiry-- " I want people to see me as wise and clear

> and enlightened " --is (has been) my story. Thanks for this work.

>

> I want to report that my thinking told me that I wanted to be " like

> " (in the " enlightenment " department, that is.) I found a lot

> of freedom in being boring old me. (And I can't know about

> the " boring " part.)

>

> On another day I had the insight that at times I do The Work in

> order to try and be happy--again, like (my projection of

> .) I also realized that I could skip the middle step--doing The

> Work--and go straight to happiness by asking for what I want. This

> one change has really made such a difference in my life and in how

> happy I am.

>

> I still do The Work, when it feels like what I want to do. And when

> I prefer watching a movie, going out with a friend, or just being

> a " bum " (and I don't know about the " bum " part), then I do that

> instead.

>

> I think (this is me here reporting about me, not making a suggestion

> for you or your path) that I have, at times, used The Work as a way

> to avoid asking for what I want. For example, I may want my husband

> to pick up his socks and instead of asking, I write a worksheet on

> him and the socks on the floor. Although I found some clarity, I

> wasn't happier. Now it seems easier for me to ask him to pick up the

> damn socks and then I do The Work on his response.

>

> That's my report. Thanks again, , for bringing it all back to

> me. Love, Heidi

>

>

>>

>> I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

>> really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my thought.

>> Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true?

> No,

>> I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel

> when

>> you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

>> things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

>> focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

>> about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

>> people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are

> doing

>> this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work harder

>> and do something different, express myself more like this or that

>> person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and to

>> others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

>> this to me.

>> Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need to

>> try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and being

> ok

>> with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

>> TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted.

>> Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have been

>> attached to.

>> I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up and

>> makes me forget it for a while.

>> I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I

> can´t

>> do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t

> even

>> hear what they say.

>>

>> Love,

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

thank you for writing this down. Where I go with it is:

" people should see me as wise and clear and enlightened. - Is it true? "

And it seems to get me to the same place you are going. The difference

for me is, that I look more on how I treat people when they don't see

me as wise and clear and enlightened: I may try some more manipulation.

And if that doesn't work: I try to manipulate them into at least liking

me or thinking of me as funny. And if that doesn't work: I get hurt and

angry at them.

Feels very stressful, and I can't find a reason to keep that thought

that would feel peaceful.

Without it: I get to LISTEN. Feels free.

TA: People should *not* see me as wise and clear and enlightened. -

Actually, feels *much* truer (surprise! . And better.

I should see other people as wise and clear and enlightened. - Very

true. They are - especially when they don't see *me* as clear and wise

and enlightened! *lol*

I am willing for experiencing people not seeing me as wise and clear

and enlightened. - Oh, yes. As if I could help it!

I am looking forward for experiencing people not seeing me as wise and

clear and enlightened. - yes, I am. And if it does not feel totally

comfortable, I'll know what to do.

And thank you for letting out your deepest secrets.

What I am trying to hold secretly from my wife is how close my

relationship to her sister has become. And if I go inside to find the

reason for keeping that as a secret, I find, that I don't want to hurt

her, and think it is better for her not knowing, because she may not be

able to stand it. I don't trust her to stand it, and I put myself in a

position of which I believe to hurt her, if she knows about it, and in

which I can influence her happiness. That's why I don't tell her. And I

do have this relationship with her sister, because I believe she needs

help in becoming free. Help from me.

What an arrogant position I am in.

Thank you for letting me see that.

Love,

Am 22.04.2005 um 17:18 schrieb :

> I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

> really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my thought.

> Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true? No,

> I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel when

> you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

> things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

> focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

> about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

> people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are doing

> this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work harder

> and do something different, express myself more like this or that

> person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and to

> others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

> this to me.

> Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need to

> try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and being ok

> with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

> TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted.

> Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have been

> attached to.

> I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up and

> makes me forget it for a while.

> I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I can´t

> do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t even

> hear what they say.

>

> Love,

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

thanks for this post. It gave me some to think about. You wrote:

The difference

> for me is, that I look more on how I treat people when they don't

see

> me as wise and clear and enlightened: I may try some more

manipulation.

> And if that doesn't work: I try to manipulate them into at least

liking

> me or thinking of me as funny. And if that doesn't work: I get

hurt and

> angry at them.

I asked myself how do I treat people when they don´t see me as wise

and clear. Do I try to manipulate them to at least like me then? And

I don´t remember. It sounds likely. Maybe the manipulation was such

a natural way for me of being that I didn´t even recognised it as

manipulation. Or do I skip manipulation and get directly to angry

and avoid them? I will have this in mind the next time it happens

and watch how I react. It will be interesting.

About your secret. Isn´t amazing how we can fool ourselfs to believe

that we do something to be kind to another person when it´s really

all about our own pleasure? To me it sounds like a painful secret to

have, many stressful stories around your wifes feelings and

reactions. If that´s the case, well you know what to do:). And thank

you for sharing!

Love,

> Dear ,

>

> thank you for writing this down. Where I go with it is:

> " people should see me as wise and clear and enlightened. - Is it

true? "

> And it seems to get me to the same place you are going. The

difference

> for me is, that I look more on how I treat people when they don't

see

> me as wise and clear and enlightened: I may try some more

manipulation.

> And if that doesn't work: I try to manipulate them into at least

liking

> me or thinking of me as funny. And if that doesn't work: I get

hurt and

> angry at them.

> Feels very stressful, and I can't find a reason to keep that

thought

> that would feel peaceful.

> Without it: I get to LISTEN. Feels free.

> TA: People should *not* see me as wise and clear and enlightened. -

> Actually, feels *much* truer (surprise! . And better.

> I should see other people as wise and clear and enlightened. -

Very

> true. They are - especially when they don't see *me* as clear and

wise

> and enlightened! *lol*

>

> I am willing for experiencing people not seeing me as wise and

clear

> and enlightened. - Oh, yes. As if I could help it!

> I am looking forward for experiencing people not seeing me as wise

and

> clear and enlightened. - yes, I am. And if it does not feel

totally

> comfortable, I'll know what to do.

>

> And thank you for letting out your deepest secrets.

>

> What I am trying to hold secretly from my wife is how close my

> relationship to her sister has become. And if I go inside to find

the

> reason for keeping that as a secret, I find, that I don't want to

hurt

> her, and think it is better for her not knowing, because she may

not be

> able to stand it. I don't trust her to stand it, and I put myself

in a

> position of which I believe to hurt her, if she knows about it,

and in

> which I can influence her happiness. That's why I don't tell her.

And I

> do have this relationship with her sister, because I believe she

needs

> help in becoming free. Help from me.

>

> What an arrogant position I am in.

>

> Thank you for letting me see that.

>

> Love,

>

>

> Am 22.04.2005 um 17:18 schrieb :

>

> > I want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted. I feel

> > really ashamed over admit that I want this but that is my

thought.

> > Is it true? It feels so true. Can you absolutely know it´s true?

No,

> > I guess what I really want is peace. How do you react and feel

when

> > you attach to this thought? I try to say wise things instead of

> > things that I really believe in. I try to look understanding and

> > focused when the fact is i have no idea what people are talking

> > about. I feel I am not enough as i am. I get jelous when other

> > people get credit for how wise they are and how well they are

doing

> > this work and how they really GOT this. I think I must work

harder

> > and do something different, express myself more like this or that

> > person. It doesn´t feel good. It feels dishonest to myself and to

> > others. They don´t get to see the real me. I feel sad, for doing

> > this to me.

> > Who would you be without this thought? Perfect as I am. No need

to

> > try to make an effort about anything. Just being myself and

being ok

> > with it. Feeling peaceful with being .

> > TA:I don´t want people to see me as wise and clear and enlighted.

> > Truer. I don´t need that. That is just an untrue story I have

been

> > attached to.

> > I am wise, clear and enlighted until a painful story comes up and

> > makes me forget it for a while.

> > I want to see other people as wise, clear and enlighted. And I

can´t

> > do that when i am so focused on how I appear for them, I can´t

even

> > hear what they say.

> >

> > Love,