I Have a Future

[Guest guest]

Is it true I have a future? The future is a story I tell myself.

What is the reality of it? The reality is that there is only the

present moment.

Did it happen? This one is tricky…I use stories about the past to

convince myself that I have a future. I talk about how I went to

college, got a job, blah, blah, blah…or started working out, trained

and ran a race. Any linear story about how I did 1,2,3 or a, b, c…

this led to that…and because of this, that happened….I'm using

rationalizations (stories) of the past and then convincing myself

that if I plan " well, " that the future will be " good. " I assume that

this illusion of a " linear " relationship of cause and effect will

continue in the future.

Can you absolutely know that it's true I have a future? Until I sat

down to do this worksheet I didn't realize how much the future meant

to me. I'm not so attached to the past…and because I'm so hung up on

the future, I have no present. It's like three circles representing

past, present and future, with a little tiny one to the left

representing the past, a squished oval in the middle representing the

present, and this big huge circle on the right, representing the

future. I spend way too much time in the circle to the right

thinking about what I want to happen, my plans, what I need to do to

make my plans come to fruition…

Can you know more than God/reality? No. Can you really know what is

best in the long run for your path or another person's path? No.

Can you absolutely know you would be happier if you got what you

wanted? No.

When you think it's true that I have a future: And this means that…I

have control. I have will power and can make things happen. This is

a big one for me! I don't feel that way about the past or the

present – what's done is done – nothing I can do about that. But

it's the illusion of the future that holds the promise of being able

to control things, make things happen. This thought lights up all

the control, ego, will, autonomy pictures. Having a future means

that I can DO SOMETHING! That I can control the outcome, have an

influence…None of this is true. It all emphasizes doing instead of

being, it emphasizes action instead of noticing.

When I think I have a future I think I have something to lose. It

creates a high stakes game that my ego refuses to lose. I get sucked

in through fear of losing something that I don't have, the fear of

losing the delusion of an imagined " good " thing, place, status or

feeling. When my attachment to thoughts about the future is

threatened I go bezerk! That seems pretty senseless right now, in

this moment. That's interesting though…I go bezerk when my thoughts

are threatened…not when something actually " goes wrong. " In the

moment, as plans change (`things go wrong') I'm usually OK about it

because I can see a better way, a better outcome, a better

opportunity, as the wisdom of the universe unfolds before me. But

it's when the " future " is only a thought form, and that thought form

is threatened that I get upset. Interesting…anyway back to the Work.

What do you think you would have if reality fully cooperated with

you? I would like to stay in the present moment. To BE present, to

be empty of the sense of urgency or need to take action and to be

able to just notice what's coming up.

What's the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen is

that I could think I have something to lose, that I get sucked into

the game of thinking that there is something that I can do or say to

effect the future. I can get sucked into thinking that I can control

what will happen. I can get sucked into thinking that I can

influence how things will turn out. All of this pulls me out of the

present moment. All of these thoughts create noise which prevents me

from noticing what's going in inside me in that moment.

What is the " should " ? There are lots of should's here…I should be

prepared. I have to " get ready. " I need to plan, plan and plan. I

ruminate over outcomes, playing different scenarios in my head,

weighing the pros and cons of each, and picking the " best "

alternative as my plan. And then I get upset or go into resistance

when my plan doesn't seem to be working out. I go into " crisis " mode

and start panicking. All the alarms go off in my head, and I go

into " battle " mode. I cling to this picture of the way I think

things should be and I'll do anything to reach that goal or achieve

that vision. I argue, I fight, I struggle, I resist because I " know "

the way things " should be. " I persist in attaching to the thought

that my vision/version of the future is the one " right way " and that

reality is something other than optimal. I equate my thoughts

as " best " and relegate reality to something less than.

Where's the proof that I have a future? Again, I use stories of

supposed linear progressions from the past and project that onto

thoughts about what I think the future will be like. There is no

proof that the past is real, so how can I extrapolate that onto the

future?

How do you react when you think the thought that I have a future? I

feel heavy, weighed down. I feel responsible. I feel uptight and

worried. I have thoughts about how things could go wrong. I have

thoughts about how I can't control everything even though I want to.

This scares my ego and it redoubles it's efforts to try and " control "

the future by making more plans, manipulating, annihilating and still

more delusion. I worry, worry, worry about how things will turn

out, what might go wrong, what more I can do to influence the final

outcome…all to no avail, really.

I really struggle with this because I want a guarantee. I want to

know what will happen. My ego wants certainty, predictability,

security. I feel unprepared for circumstances beyond my control. I

feel naked and vulnerable. If I can't control things, then what am I

supposed to do? I feel like I should be able to " do something. "

When I think the thought that I have a future, I also think that

something, or someone, or even " luck " can thwart me or stop me or

take it away from me. But how can something that I don't even have

be taken away from me? How can I be kept from doig something that I

wasn't meant to be doing? That doesn't make any sense.

Where does the feeling hit you, where do you feel it in your body

when you believe that thought? I brace myself for struggle. I

feel " on guard. " I'm ever vigilant for the slightest sign that

things are not going according to my plan. And, when something goes

awry, I pounce on it immediately! I feel like I have to fix it, or

else there will be a domino or cascading effect and the rest of my

plans will be screwed up. I feel a tremendous burden of

responsibility for things beyond my control. I feel a tremendous

weight on my shoulders and an ache in the pit of my stomach.

What pictures, if any, come to you when you think that thought? I

feel very insecure. I'm very concerned. I feel like my continued

existence is fragile and must be planned for and defended. I feel

like I have to fight for a place at the table, or my right to exist

at all. I have pictures of scarcity and lack, like there won't be

enough, I have to get there first, I have to get there before they

run out, I have to get there before they close. I feel rushed and

hurried. I feel like time is running out. I'm worried that I'll be

left behind and I won't be able to catch up. I waste effort by doing

things " just in case. " I " save for a rainy day " instead of enjoying

the present moment.

How do you treat others when you believe and feel that thought? What

do you say to them? What do you do? I feel a lot of competition

with other people. I feel like everyone is out to get me or stop me –

either consciously and even unconsciously. People become either

obstacles to what I want (and must be eliminated) or an ends to my

means (and must be controlled). Get out of my way or do what I say.

I don't trust the universe.

How do you treat yourself when you believe and feel that thought? I

feel important. I am the " master of my destiny. " I need me to get

from here to there…the body has utility insofar as it helps me

accomplish my goals. I neglect the present moment, I don't take care

of myself, I delay and postpone because I " don't have time right now,

I have to hurry up, I have to...I have to...I have to... "

How have you lived your life because you believed the thought that I

have a future? I'm always in a hurry. I have a long list of " things

to do " and I beat myself up when I don't accomplish them. I'm a

little edgy, weary that things could go awry and fearful that I'll

end up in a tailspin from which I will not recover. I become rigid

and inflexible when I perceive things aren't going according to my

plan. I'm upset and fearful most of the time because I feel

insecure.

Where does your mind travel when you attach to the thought that I

have a future? It travels out of the present moment, that's for

sure! I'm off in a daydream about what might happen, what I want to

happen, and what I need to do to get to some imagined future.

Whose business are you in when you think that thought? I'm in God's

business. I read something yesterday which really hit a

chord, " resistance arises from the mismatch between the dynamic

complexity of the system (the universe) and our cognitive capacity to

understand that complexity. " I go into resistance because I don't

understand that I am a cog in the wheel of life. All I can ever to

is what I'm supposed to do. There is no future, only the eternal

present - so relax and enjoy the ride!

Why do you hold that belief that I have a future? What does it bring

you? It gives my ego something to do. It brings me false hope. It

creates the illusion that " it will, could, should be better " in the

future. It perpetuates the illusion of time. It gives me something

outside of myself to strive for – it pulls my noticing out of the

present moment. The thought of a future reinforces the insecurities

I have by creating the illusion that I could get better, be smarter,

prettier, richer…in the future. It spoils the present moment and

degrades what is. I compare what I have now to what I could, have,

be and do in some imagined future.

Does this thought bring peace or stress into your life? Stress. Can

you see a reason to drop that thought? Oh, I can see lots of reasons

to drop this thought. Can you see a stress-free reason to keep this

thought? No.

Who would you be without that thought? I'd be spending a lot more

time in the present. I would have a lot more time on my hands. I

would have a lot more peace. There wouldn't be as much " noise " in my

mind. I wouldn't feel like I have to " get ready " for anything. I

could slow down – stand still.

How does it feel? What do you see? I " see " more of the present

moment. I have more space to notice the now. I'll have to work on

this one…the concept of the future is so ingrained I'm really drawing

a blank here…

How would you live your life without that thought? I would just take

things as they come. I would probably tend to use my " inner voice "

more as a gage, or barometer for what to do, what action to take

next. I would be more spontaneous. This would be a more realistic

way of living because, really, you can't control what will happen.

You can tell yourself stories about how you can control what will

happen, but really truly, again, I'm just along for the ride.

How would you treat others differently without that thought? I'd

realize that they are all along for the ride too and that they can't

control what's happening either. So, if I tell myself a story about

how they are preventing me from getting what I want, then I'll

remember, they are the universe showing me that that wasn't meant to

be. That would be like getting mad at a stop sign on the side of the

road. They can't help themselves and neither can the stop sign.

Turn the thought around: I have a future

I don't have a future – I have a present, and only a present

I have thoughts that I have a future – and they are only thoughts. I

tell myself stories about having a future so that when I " win " my ego

feels powerful and I want to " play " again – like craps in Vegas – it

can be addicting.

I am willing to…think that I have a future so that I can be reminded

that I'm not in the present.