Re: Fw: Fwd: How to know if your ready for kids.

[Guest guest]

Donna,

If you copy and paste it we can read it. Our egroup wont take attachments, so

copy and paste is the only way.

You have me wanting to know what it says now! lol

Kristy

asgram wrote:

Thought maybe some of you could use a laugh. Donna(Adam's Gram)

[Guest guest]

Kristy - I knew that - just testing you. lol Here it is.

Donna

How to know if your ready for kids.

MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the

couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have

a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to

the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at

night.

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as

you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making

sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the

ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of

soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.

Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.

Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m., begin to waltz and hum with the

bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your ba gandsetyouralarmfor1000p.m.Getup

pickupyourbag,andsingeverysongyouhaveeverheard

Makeupaboutadozenmoreandsingthesetoountil400a.m.Setalarmfor500a.m

Getupandmakebreakfast.Keepthisupfor5years.Lookcheerful.P

INGENUITY TEST

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into

an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive

Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a

milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an

exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and

put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into

the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies.

Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.

Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to

notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk

to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head

office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.

Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can

improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's

table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that

they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience.

It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

On the road to retirement? Check out MSN Life Events for advice on how to

get there!

On the road to retirement? Check out MSN Life Events for advice on how to

get there! -- Re: Fw: Fwd: How to know if your ready for kids.

Donna,

If you copy and paste it we can read it. Our egroup wont take attachments,

so copy and paste is the only way.

You have me wanting to know what it says now! lol

Kristy

asgram wrote:

Thought maybe some of you could use a laugh. Donna(Adam's Gram)

[Guest guest]

Thanks I needed this!!!! It was a crazy day over here at the Gunnels Zoo. Nat

had an outpatient cardiac proceedure, which he passed with flying colors, my

mother told my 8yo that he was the worst discplined child she ever met, and Nat

found out that he won't be able to compete at State Special Olympics, as they

changed the rules 1 1/2 wks prior to his tournament!!! We needed a good laugh.

The Gunnels

asgram wrote:

Kristy - I knew that - just testing you. lol Here it is.

Donna

How to know if your ready for kids.

MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the

couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have

a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to

the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at

night.

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as

you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making

sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the

ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of

soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.

Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.

Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m., begin to waltz and hum with the

bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your ba gandsetyouralarmfor1000p.m.Getup

pickupyourbag,andsingeverysongyouhaveeverheard

Makeupaboutadozenmoreandsingthesetoountil400a.m.Setalarmfor500a.m

Getupandmakebreakfast.Keepthisupfor5years.Lookcheerful.P

INGENUITY TEST

Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into

an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive

Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a

milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an

exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and

put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into

the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies.

Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes.

Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to

notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk

to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head

office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store.

Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can

improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's

table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that

they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience.

It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

On the road to retirement? Check out MSN Life Events for advice on how to

get there!

On the road to retirement? Check out MSN Life Events for advice on how to

get there! -- Re: Fw: Fwd: How to know if your ready for kids.

Donna,

If you copy and paste it we can read it. Our egroup wont take attachments,

so copy and paste is the only way.

You have me wanting to know what it says now! lol

Kristy

asgram wrote:

Thought maybe some of you could use a laugh. Donna(Adam's Gram)

[Guest guest]

Glad I could help. I'm glad Nat's procedure went well and I am sorry about

the Olympics. Tell your mother that you couldn't possibly have the worst

disciplined child she ever met because my sister said he lives here. LOL

Keep your chin up - things will get better. Donna

-- Re: Fw: Fwd: How to know if your ready for kids.

Donna,

If you copy and paste it we can read it. Our egroup wont take attachments,

so copy and paste is the only way.

You have me wanting to know what it says now! lol

Kristy

asgram wrote:

Thought maybe some of you could use a laugh. Donna(Adam's Gram)