I like to smoke

[Guest guest]

I like to smoke. Is it true? Yes, I love it. Love it...

Can you absolutely know that it´s true? No, I could be lying very

convincing. But if it is a lie I believe it.

What do you feel when you attache to that thought? Happiness. No

guilt. Enjoying each cigarette. Thinking that there is no mistake

and I am doing what I should.

Who would you be without that thought? I see two alternatives.

Either I wouldn´t smoke or I would smoke but not like it.

TA: I don´t like to smoke. That doesn´t seem to be true.

I see no other turn around. If you can think of some other turn

around please tell me.

I don´t ever want to be critisized for smoking again. TA: I am

willing to be critisized for it again. I look forward to be

critisized for it again. Yes I am. I don´t like it, not so far

anyway, but I welcome it. I allow and welcome you to think, say and

do what want. This seems very logical to me, very sane. The more I

allow and welcome my own thoughts the less intimidating yours seems

to me.

Love,

[Guest guest]

thank you for posting about your smoking maria. i also smoke and berate myself

for it. and at the same time, i wish i had two mouths so i could smoke twice as

much...as i really seem to like it! so...

i want to quit smoking

true?

yes, at least i think that quite alot.

is it absolutely true i want to quit smoking?

yes. i desire good health and non-addiction.

how do i react?

always under the surface is a guilt-trip every time i light one up. i feel

inferior to all my friends who do not smoke. i feel irrisponsible towards my

health and the health of others who are in my vicinity when i smoke. every time

i smoke i have subtle thoughts saying 'this is bad for me. i must stop doing

this.' i feel nervous for my future health.

i also believe im addicted and quitting will be hard and i probably won't have

the willpower to do it.

is there a peacful reason to want to quit smoking?

well, yes and no. yes because if i quit, i won't need to fret and worry about

never quitting. no because it is generally stressful.

can i see a reason to let this thought go?

i would be less tense and stressed and critical of myself, so yes.

who would i be?

maybe i would just drop smoking because there wouldnt be all this weight and

dread attached to the idea of it. it wouldnt be so important to me. or maybe i

would smoke as i do and just simply enjoy it without the guilt and stress. of

course, these are just synopsis of who i would be. i don't know who i would be.

turnarounds

i don't want to quit. this is just as true.

i want to join. strange turnaround, but i do want to join a lifestyle that is

very healthy and free of addictions.

i want to quit thinking about how i want to quit smoking. yes, less thinking

more doing.

thanks maria for unintentionally nudging me to begin working on the big smoking

thing. i truly appreciate it. i no where close to done with this one!

love,

jeremy

[Guest guest]

a few thoughts on smoking, after reading maria and jeremy's work...

maria, i noticed you started out doing the work on " I like to smoke "

but ended it on a different subject, being criticized for smoking...

i wondered if you meant to do the work on people should not criticize

me for smoking...

jeremy, i remember being in a place similar to what you describe,

wanting to be healthier but still craving the cigarette.

a few thoughts that occured to me to investigate.

i am a smoker -- is it true? looking back now, i can see that

sometimes i was. sometimes i wasn't. i didn't always have a cigarette

burning. i made it into a monolithic and constant thing. and that

made the quitting seem so much harder and scarier. plus the story of

addiction...

i am a smoker and that means... -- oh, i had a looong list of what

that meant and it wasn't pretty.

i am addicted -- hmmmm. i think that would have been very interesting

for me to explore when i believed i was addicted to smoking. in fact,

i'm curious where else i can find this belief that i am addicted in

my life now, such as having a sweet tooth...

i choose to smoke -- i'm really interested lately in noticing whether

i actually decide to take the actions i apparently take in my life. i

can't find the point in my thinking where i initiate the process of

action. often i'm already in the process of taking action before i

realize it, and in the case of smoking, i can remember wanting to

stop the process of lighting a cigarette and being apparently unable

to resist, which in retrospect raises some very interesting questions

about who was in charge!

don't know if these thoughts are at all useful to you, but they

occured to me and i thought i'd pass them along...

warmly,

susan

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

> a few thoughts on smoking, after reading maria and jeremy's

work...

> maria, i noticed you started out doing the work on " I like to

smoke "

> but ended it on a different subject, being criticized for

smoking...

> i wondered if you meant to do the work on people should not

criticize

> me for smoking...

This is how I thought when I wrote the " I don´t ever want to... " . I

tried to think of something I didn´t ever want to expierence with

smoking again and that was what came to my mind. Sometimes I think

it is really tough to be critisized. I am working on that too,

people shoudn´t judge me...

> jeremy, i remember being in a place similar to what you describe,

> wanting to be healthier but still craving the cigarette.

>

> a few thoughts that occured to me to investigate.

> i am a smoker -- is it true? looking back now, i can see that

> sometimes i was. sometimes i wasn't. i didn't always have a

cigarette

> burning. i made it into a monolithic and constant thing. and that

> made the quitting seem so much harder and scarier. plus the story

of

> addiction...

I agree. I am a smoker when I smoke. At this very moment I don´t

smoke and there is not a cigarette in this house. And I´m doing

fine, sitting here with my computer, writing to you.

> i am a smoker and that means... -- oh, i had a looong list of what

> that meant and it wasn't pretty.

I am curious of what wasn´t pretty?

> i am addicted -- hmmmm. i think that would have been very

interesting

> for me to explore when i believed i was addicted to smoking. in

fact,

> i'm curious where else i can find this belief that i am addicted

in

> my life now, such as having a sweet tooth...

I am addicted to a lot of things. I am addicted to food and water.

To air. To love. To being alive. When you are not addicted you don´t

need it and you don´t do it several times a day or several times a

week. You know that you are not addicted when you can live totally

without it and you do. Not only in the very moment (but five minutes

later you go again), you just don´t do it. I know that I am not

addicted to___________. So if you think you`re not addited - stop it

for a year or two, or forever. If you think you´re not addicted to

breathing - stop it and see what happens. The way I see it, life is

a just as dangeruos addiction as smoking. Both will kill you

eventually.

>

> i choose to smoke -- i'm really interested lately in noticing

whether

> i actually decide to take the actions i apparently take in my

life. i

> can't find the point in my thinking where i initiate the process

of

> action. often i'm already in the process of taking action before i

> realize it, and in the case of smoking, i can remember wanting to

> stop the process of lighting a cigarette and being apparently

unable

> to resist, which in retrospect raises some very interesting

questions

> about who was in charge!

I don´t make the decisions. They are being made for me. I have

noticed that no decisions are made until that moment I actually act.

My decisions are none of my business, not more than your decisions

are. My only business is my thinking around the actions.

I have noticed that guilt never stoped anything. Guilt, shame,

thinking " this isn´t good for me, I should stop " never did it for

me. You can be a happy addict. If your goal is to stop your

addictions I wish you luck. I am just grateful for every moment I

feel peace and happiness in my life. I love these moments. That´s

where I am right now.

> don't know if these thoughts are at all useful to you, but they

> occured to me and i thought i'd pass them along...

>

> warmly,

> susan

This was useful to me. Hope they were to you...=)

Thank you,

[Guest guest]

> I like to smoke. Is it true? Yes, I love it. Love it...

> Can you absolutely know that it´s true? No, I could be lying very

> convincing. But if it is a lie I believe it.

> What do you feel when you attache to that thought? Happiness. No

> guilt. Enjoying each cigarette. Thinking that there is no mistake

> and I am doing what I should.

> Who would you be without that thought? I see two alternatives.

> Either I wouldn´t smoke or I would smoke but not like it.

> TA: I don´t like to smoke. That doesn´t seem to be true.

> I see no other turn around. If you can think of some other turn

> around please tell me.

What comes to mind for me, , is, " My thinking doesn't like my

smoking. " Does that work for you at all?

> I don´t ever want to be critisized for smoking again. TA: I am

> willing to be critisized for it again. I look forward to be

> critisized for it again. Yes I am. I don´t like it, not so far

> anyway, but I welcome it. I allow and welcome you to think, say and

> do what want. This seems very logical to me, very sane. The more I

> allow and welcome my own thoughts the less intimidating yours seems

> to me.

Suppose the criticism came from someone you didn't trust or agree

with? Would it bother you? When a criticism bothers me, I've noticed,

it's because I agree with it at some level. That doesn't mean it's

true or right, necessarily. Often my agreement with the criticism

comes from my confusion.

love,

Tom