X should notice me

[Guest guest]

" X should notice me "

X = anybody (someone in the street, a friend, my boss, my daughter).

1/2. Is it true?

I don't know whether or not X notices me. Maybe X does, and maybe

not.

= Whose business is it what/who X notices?

It's X's business

= Should X change for my sake?

Well... it might be nice. But would it be a change for the better? I

don't know. So, no, better let X be who X is and let X do what X

does.

= People are supposed to notice me, is it true? Hm, I'd like them to

notice me, but are they _supposed_ to notice me? What law is that?

Can I know what's best for X and me in the long run? No, I can't

know.

= What do I think I would have if X notices me?

I would have attention, and the feeling of being valued. (And then

what?) It would make me feel happy and secure. (Is that really

true?) Maybe not, maybe it would make me feel oppressed and

claustrophobic if all Xs would notice me. All eyes are fixed on Eva.

Woooaaah! Not funny.

And even if X notices me, maybe it's only to find out if I notice X,

just like I'm doing….

3. What's life like with this thought " X should notice me " , and X

doesn't?

= Where do I feel it in my body?

A dejected feeling, shoulders tense and slumped. Lack of air.

= Where does my mind take me with this thought?

If X doesn't notice me, it means X doesn't value me. If X doesn't

value me, it means I am worthless. It means nobody wants to be with

me. It means I will be all alone and unhappy for the rest of my life.

= What's the worst that could happen if I never had the thought " X

should notice me " again, and is that true?

The worst that could happen is that I wouldn't know what to do

because I wouldn't be trying to get X to notice me. It might leave me

clueless and …. free…. oops! [This question often gives me the most

revealing answers!]

= How do I treat X if I think X should notice me, and X doesn't?

I try to conspicuously NOT notice X. An eye for an eye!

= What does the thought " X should notice me " cost me?

It costs me my freedom.

4. Who am I without the thought " X should notice me " ?

I would be minding my own business.

I would notice me.

= Who am I in X's presence if my mind cannot think the thought

" X should notice me " ?

I would be someone who could leave X be X and love X for who he/she

is.

= What would I experience without my story?

I would experience what was happening with me, or inside of me,

instead of focusing on whatever X would be doing.

Turnarounds:

" I should notice me. " == At least as true

" X should notice X. " == Could be true, but it's not my business

" I should notice X. " == Hm. Perhaps. As it is now, I'm mainly

noticing whether or not X seems to notice me.

" X should not notice me. " == X should notice or not notice whatever X

feels like doing.

" My thinking should notice me. " == Don't know…. Is that possible?

" Noticing happens. " == Yes, that sounds good. It happens, or it

doesn't happen, it's Reality, and whatever is happening is not

personal!

" X should value me " .

1./2. Is it true?

X doesn't value me. Really? Where's my proof that X doesn't value me?

X doesn't notice me, that's my proof. Hmmm. Maybe X would value me,

if only X happened to notice me…. Maybe. And maybe X does notice

me, whenever I don't notice. So I can't really know.

= Can I know what is best for my path? Would I be happier if X would

value me?

I think I would be happier. But maybe not. Maybe I would not believe

that X values me. Maybe I would think that X only values me in order

to let me value X. So I would question the sincerity of X's valueing

me. That wouldn't make me happy.

= Whose business is it who/what X values?

Definitely not my business, but X's.

3. What's life like with the thought " X should value me " ?

I try to find out what X values, and try to act in such a way that X

will value me. Very stressful.

= Where do I feel it in my body?

A tension around my heart and stomach. Fearful. Loud and conflicting

noises in my mind. Restlessness.

= Where does my mind travel when I attach to the thought " X

should value me " and X doesn't (in my perception)?

If X doesn't value me, it means I'm worthless. If I'm worthless, I

might as well stop living right away, since a worthless life is

useless and unhappy. If X doesn't value me, I must do all I can

to make X value me. I must find out what X likes and values, so I can

please X and make X value me.

= What's the worst that could happen if I never have the thought

" X should value me " again, and is that true?

I wouldn't care about what anybody was thinking of me anymore. I

would sing loudly in the streets. I would pick my nose and fart and

burp and generally behave odd and boorish. I would speak my thoughts

without reflecting on what it might mean for someone. Is that all

true?

Maybe.

It does sound scary. I would end up as a loony or something. So my

story is that if I wouldn't care about trying to get X's valueing me

anymore, I would end up as a loony. I might want to question that

thought some day…..

= What does the thought: " X should value me " cost me?

It makes me rather schizophrenic, trying to please X this minute and

trying to please Y the next. It makes me lose touch of whatever I

feel like doing most in the moment (like pick my nose or sing loudly

in the street?). I lose me. I lose the value I have for me, for

what's happening for me.

= How do I treat myself when I believe the thought that " X should

value me " ?

I treat myself like I am worthless. What's happening inside of me

is without value unless it is valued by X. I am a private

investigator, gathering clues about whatever X values, so I can

behave in ways that are compatible with X's values. I become

invisible.

= What's the payoff for holding this belief that " X should value me " ?

The payoff is…… hm…. The payoff is that I have a prescription for

how to live my life. An invisible life, true, but nonetheless, a

life that I believe will be valued by X. Pathetic!

Lots of reasons to drop the thought, but reasons to keep it as well:

…. Without the thought I imagine life as a bum or drop-out. And

are those stories true? But suppose they are true, I wouldn't care,

because caring about those things is pretty much the same as caring

about being valued by X and I wouldn't care about that anymore, since

the thought " X should value me " would have left me.

4. In the presence of X, but without the thought " X should value

me " , I would be relaxed, honest, unrestrained, spontaneous, sincere,

behaving in ways that reflect me instead of ways that reflect

whatever I believe X values.

5 Turnarounds:

" I should value me " … at least as true… let me live true to

what I value instead of fulfilling my story of what X values.

" I should value X " …. True. So good to value X even while X is

not valueing me, for in that lies my freedom…..

" X should not value me " True… looking forward to X not valueing

me, for it will help me to find me, to find out what is true for me.

That's it for now.

I'd value any comments :-)

Eva