missing a loving relationship

[Guest guest]

Hi!

.... okay, I did it. I used your suggestions, Steve, for doing The

Work with this subject. And now I would like to see what it did

with me. Did it help?

I´m afraid I can´t tell ....

1) I am confused, saddened and angry that I seem not to be able

to live in a loving relationship. That´s true - sometimes !

There is this word " sometimes " that comes up when I do these

questions.

Is it true?

Yes, it is quite true - sometimes!!!

Because I am quite well aware of the fact that sometimes in my

life I used to feel really happy (this feeling being absolutely

independent of having a loving relationship or not!!!) Yes, I

remember those moments, when I felt so happy, ... and then I

could see that there is no condition, there are no conditions

whatsoever, for this happyness !

Okay, but - SOMETIMES - I get angry, I am disappointed, sad,

confused and angry, thinking that I am obviously not able to

enter into a loving relationship or - perhaps - I didn`t deserve it

(????? - while many other people DO have relationships, so

what did they do that made them able or worthy to experience a

loving relationship and me being not????!!!!)

So the answer to question 2 - Can I really know that this is true?

seems to me to be " Yes! Though thinking about it reasonably it

is not, but I still feel angry, sad, confused and so .... even: HURT -

yes, honestly speaking, I feel hurt!

3) How do I feel when I attach to that thought?

I feel miserable.

Do I see a reason to drop this thought? -

Yes, there is a reason - obviously, I really wish to be able to drop

this thought.

Do I see a reason that is not stressful to keep this thought?

No!

Then there is the list!

I made a long list (which was easy to do) to say what is it that I

feel to be missing in my life when I don´t have a loving

relationship.

And then number 6!

What is it that you don´t want to experience with that situation

again?

I really do not want to ever experience again the feeling that I am

obviously not fit for living in a loving relationship!

Yes!

There is still that feeling, that sombody ( who??? God???) is

judging me not being able or fit enough ( or good, or well

developed or sound and so on enough ) to have a loving

relationship.

So, I don´t see what I can do.

Dear Steve,

you said, this is a meditation. " Allow the mind to locate the heart

for answers. " Okay. I tried. But you see, I am still feeling like

being locked out ... locked out of having the chance to make my

own experiences with relationships.

I say to myself that all I want is to be able to grow, to learn, ...

For me the meaning of life is never to stop learning, to be eager

to learn all throughout my life ! It´s so interesting, it´s so exciting,

.... I long to know so much more than I do in the moment, and -

yes , I know I CAN do a lot! I know that it´s up to me to encrease

my experiences, to advance my level of consciousness.

So I want to say that, having a look at my biography, I can see

that I have learned more and more to take things as they are, to

enjoy what is - IN GENERAL ! but , concerning that question of

not living in a relationship I still feel like being a victim!

I liked very much what you wrote in response to Janet these

days, Steve: " All things happen for me, not to me. "

Yes, good! very good. I am so happy when there are moments in

my life when I really feel this to be true!

But - again - it is not true for me in this respect:

I have no relationship, so I cannot experience " to take and to

give " in a loving relationship.

I hate it not to have the chance ....

Again: I do feel angry, saddened and confused - sometimes -

because this is like it is.

So I cannot " love what is " in this respect. And - I don´t see the

reason, why it should be . Things happen FOR ME ?

Then there must be something I have to learn!

What is it I have to learn from not having a loving relationship?

Anybody of you any ideas?

Thank you for listening!

And, dear Steve, I´m looking forward to your response!

Rosemarie

[Guest guest]

Dear Rosemarie:

Great find -- " Sometimes " -- now we may want to understand why only

sometimes we feel angry, sad, confused and so .... even: HURT? "

Could it be only when we are believing the story that " sombody (

who??? God???) is judging me not being able or fit enough (or good,

or well developed or sound and so on enough) to have a loving

relationship " ?

When we understand that we only feel these things " sometimes " then we

must admit that the opposite is also true. SOMETIMES I DON'T feel

angry, sad, confused and so .... even: HURT.

This has got to be good news!

What if we go to the turnaround of: " My thinking is judging me not

being able or fit enough (or good, or well developed or sound and so

on enough) to have a loving relationship " ?

Is that just as true or truer.

Here is my thought about this: " As long as I believe that I NEED a

loving relationship with something outside of me, I feel HURT. My

believing this story takes me out of me and leaves no one home for me

and that leaves a lonely, hurt feeling.

What we need to learn is that until I can have a loving relationship

with me, I will never be able to perceive me being in a loving

relationship with another.

You asked: " What is it I have to learn from not having a loving

relationship? "

Here are some ideas:

I love how you seem to think that someone else should give you a

loving relationship, while you can't seem to do it for yourself. You

appear to be expecting someone else to do what you can't seem to do?

Perhaps we need a teacher for how to love you? Perhaps you need to

skip the middle man and realize that without your story (which is

sometimes), you ARE in a loving relationship with you.

The next time that your thinking starts judging you not being able or

fit enough (or good, or well developed or sound and so on enough) to

have a loving relationship, then remember the turnaround that " I need

a loving relationship with me and in the moment that I believe that

story, I am not being loving to me.

Blessings, Steve D.

.. -

> Hi!

>

> ... okay, I did it. I used your suggestions, Steve, for doing The

> Work with this subject. And now I would like to see what it did

> with me. Did it help?

> I´m afraid I can´t tell ....

> 1) I am confused, saddened and angry that I seem not to be able

> to live in a loving relationship. That´s true - sometimes !

> There is this word " sometimes " that comes up when I do these

> questions.

> Is it true?

> Yes, it is quite true - sometimes!!!

> Because I am quite well aware of the fact that sometimes in my

> life I used to feel really happy (this feeling being absolutely

> independent of having a loving relationship or not!!!) Yes, I

> remember those moments, when I felt so happy, ... and then I

> could see that there is no condition, there are no conditions

> whatsoever, for this happyness !

> Okay, but - SOMETIMES - I get angry, I am disappointed, sad,

> confused and angry, thinking that I am obviously not able to

> enter into a loving relationship or - perhaps - I didn`t deserve it

> (????? - while many other people DO have relationships, so

> what did they do that made them able or worthy to experience a

> loving relationship and me being not????!!!!)

>

> So the answer to question 2 - Can I really know that this is true?

> seems to me to be " Yes! Though thinking about it reasonably it

> is not, but I still feel angry, sad, confused and so .... even:

HURT -

> yes, honestly speaking, I feel hurt!

>

> 3) How do I feel when I attach to that thought?

> I feel miserable.

>

> Do I see a reason to drop this thought? -

> Yes, there is a reason - obviously, I really wish to be able to

drop

> this thought.

>

> Do I see a reason that is not stressful to keep this thought?

> No!

>

> Then there is the list!

> I made a long list (which was easy to do) to say what is it that I

> feel to be missing in my life when I don´t have a loving

> relationship.

>

> And then number 6!

> What is it that you don´t want to experience with that situation

> again?

>

> I really do not want to ever experience again the feeling that I am

> obviously not fit for living in a loving relationship!

>

> Yes!

>

> There is still that feeling, that sombody ( who??? God???) is

> judging me not being able or fit enough ( or good, or well

> developed or sound and so on enough ) to have a loving

> relationship.

>

> So, I don´t see what I can do.

>

> Dear Steve,

> you said, this is a meditation. " Allow the mind to locate the

heart

> for answers. " Okay. I tried. But you see, I am still feeling like

> being locked out ... locked out of having the chance to make my

> own experiences with relationships.

> I say to myself that all I want is to be able to grow, to learn, ...

> For me the meaning of life is never to stop learning, to be eager

> to learn all throughout my life ! It´s so interesting, it´s so

exciting,

> ... I long to know so much more than I do in the moment, and -

> yes , I know I CAN do a lot! I know that it´s up to me to encrease

> my experiences, to advance my level of consciousness.

>

> So I want to say that, having a look at my biography, I can see

> that I have learned more and more to take things as they are, to

> enjoy what is - IN GENERAL ! but , concerning that question of

> not living in a relationship I still feel like being a victim!

>

> I liked very much what you wrote in response to Janet these

> days, Steve: " All things happen for me, not to me. "

>

> Yes, good! very good. I am so happy when there are moments in

> my life when I really feel this to be true!

> But - again - it is not true for me in this respect:

> I have no relationship, so I cannot experience " to take and to

> give " in a loving relationship.

> I hate it not to have the chance ....

> Again: I do feel angry, saddened and confused - sometimes -

> because this is like it is.

> So I cannot " love what is " in this respect. And - I don´t see the

> reason, why it should be . Things happen FOR ME ?

> Then there must be something I have to learn!

> What is it I have to learn from not having a loving relationship?

>

> Anybody of you any ideas?

> Thank you for listening!

> And, dear Steve, I´m looking forward to your response!

>

> Rosemarie

[Guest guest]

Dear Rosemarie,

you wrote:

> Then there is the list!

> I made a long list (which was easy to do) to say what is it that I

> feel to be missing in my life when I don´t have a loving

> relationship.

from over here, this list looks like a goldmine. Do the work on every

single item on the list, if you think it could serve you.

Best regards

Fokus

http://www.work-berlin.de/

[Guest guest]

I am still feeling like

> being locked out ... locked out of having the chance to make my

> own experiences with relationships.

> I say to myself that all I want is to be able to grow, to

learn, ...

Try " I need a relationship to be a complete person " is that true

And " I am missing out on life by not being in a relationship " is

that true?

And " I am not in a relationship " is that true?

And " I need to grow " is that true

Which might lead to " My life is not perfect exactly as is " is that

true?

A TA(turnaround) that might help:

Instead of " I must not be ready for the love of my life " ponder " The

love of my life might not be ready for me. yet " And " I don't

understand why blablabal " to " I don't need to understand " or I will

understand when I will understand

[Guest guest]

Try this:

1. " I need a relationship to be a complete person " .

TA: " I don't need a relationship to be a complete person " .

TA: " I need a relationship with me to be a complete person " .

2. " I am missing out on life by not being in a relationship "

TA: " I am missing out on life by not being in a relationship with

myself. "

Blessings, Steve D.

> I am still feeling like

> > being locked out ... locked out of having the chance to make my

> > own experiences with relationships.

> > I say to myself that all I want is to be able to grow, to

> learn, ...

>

> Try " I need a relationship to be a complete person " is that true

> And " I am missing out on life by not being in a relationship " is

> that true?

> And " I am not in a relationship " is that true?

> And " I need to grow " is that true

> Which might lead to " My life is not perfect exactly as is " is that

> true?

>

> A TA(turnaround) that might help:

> Instead of " I must not be ready for the love of my life "

ponder " The

> love of my life might not be ready for me. yet " And " I don't

> understand why blablabal " to " I don't need to understand " or I will

> understand when I will understand