Re: The value of a painful thought.

[Guest guest]

Dear :

You said: " Her belief is that if she had done " the work " on her

thoughts at that time, she would not have escaped from that situation

without being further injured or killed. "

If your friend had put her belief up against inquiry, she would have

found out that she could not possibly have known that that was true.

I agree that " painfull thoughts " are valuable. They are like alarm

clocks gong off telling us to wake up and that is exactly what

happened for your friend; however, there is a strong desire on the

Ego's part to avoid the truth at all cost. To believe that if you

ask your heart for the Truth, you would receive advice that would

cause you to lose anything is simply just not true for me.

Your friends lack of doing The Work prior to her divorce was perfect

because it obviously was not time for her to want to know the truth;

however, I hope that no one believes that doing inquiry on painfull

thoughts could cause harm. Remember, is divorced.

Blessings, Steve D.

> Hi there,

> Well, I had already written this story to someone else....didn't

> really want to post it here, but in looking at some of the more

> recent posts, maybe it's slightly appropriate.

> I was telling my friend, Sue, of my discovery of The Work. Her

> response, after my explanation, was to say that she was thankful

> that I hadn't discovered this during the time just before her

> divorce. She reminded me of a paricularly painful day in her life.

> She and her husband had been fighting for hours. Sue had locked

> herself in the bathroom to calm down, gather herself, and to get

> distance. She came out of the bathroom, walked down the hall, and

as

> she entered the living room, was suddenly and unexpectedly hit with

> a baseball bat that her husband was swinging, breaking her upper

> arm.

> I won't go into all of the detail....it's not really important,

> other than the fact that it was deemed accidental by the

> authorities. If you had ever met her husband, who was truly a

silver-

> tongued devil, you would understand how that could be.

> Sue had all of the painful thoughts that you can imagine. She

> pulled out the thought that was particulalry painful, which was

that

> he meant to hurt her, and maybe even meant to kill her. She then

put

> that up against inquiry. Did she know that it was true? Well, she

> certainly felt it was true. Did she know it for certain? No,

because

> he was drunk, he said he was practicing his swing (he was on a ball

> team), he said he didn't hear her walk down the hall (non-

carpeted),

> etc, etc. Who was she when she believed that thought? Scared,

> hostile, not affectionate, paranoid, nervous, etc, etc....insert

> your own adjectives if you want, I'm sure you can guess her mental

> state. Who would she be without that thought?

> Her answer to me was, " co-dependent or dead " . Her belief is

that

> if she had done " the work " on her thoughts at that time, she would

> not have escaped from that situation without being further injured

> or killed. Never dismiss the value of a painful thought, she said,

> because that painful thought...that he meant to do her harm, was

> what scared her to the point of getting away and saving herself

from

> further harm. This guy is now abusing wife # 2. He was always

> contrite and sorry....so how could she KNOW for certain that he

> meant to hurt her, when he continually Lied about it? If she did

the

> turn-around and said, " I shouldn't be so mad at him " ....that would

> have just increased her repression and denial to enable her to stay

> and tolerate more, since it was all her " projection " anyway.....

she

> could have turned it around to say that she shouldn't abuse

> him..which wouldn't have been accurate, but there was a time when

> she would have believed that because she was so in his control by

> the mind games he was playing....but it was certainly true that she

> was abusing herself by staying....if that idea would have ever

> occurred to her....and, having watched the whole thing, I doubt

that

> it would have.

> This guy used to wake up in the morning, draw his legs up, put

> his feet against her back and kick her out of bed, whether she was

> awake or not, slamming her against the wall on her side of the bed.

> She was pregnant at the time, and actually had bruises on her

> stomach, which she always was trying to explain to the dr.

> Eventually...because her husband said that he " had " to do it

because

> if she wasn't so lazy she would be up and have his breakfast

cooking

> before he woke up in the morning.

> As I've said before.....any good belief/system can be taken too

> far, misunderstood, and misused. There IS a value to painful

> thoughts, if you choose to look for it and use it when you find it.

>

[Guest guest]

hi renee,

this is an interesting story. in my experience, inquiry leads to clarity, which

leads to more effective action. although i can't know this, i have the thought

that had your friend inquired into some of the stories that she may have been

attached to concerning her 'abusive' husband and her own need to be involved in

such a relationship, she may have found clarity and decided to leave after the

very first time he decided to eject her (and her unborn child) from the bed in

the manner you described. actually, i suspect that with clarity she would have

been long gone before something like that could have happened since i am

guessing that other kinds of abuse most likely preceeded the ejection from the

bed stuff...in my experience, it is my 'story' that you should/could be

different, kinder, more loving, non-violent, etc,. that keeps me from seeing how

you are in reality and my own denial jeopordizes my safety. when i see clearly

how you react and respond i see clearly what i must do

to take care of myself - it is my job, not your's. why would i ever put my

safety in someone else's hands? even one that i call 'husband " ? we must give up

that fairy tale, and loving what is puts the responsibility for my experience of

life squarely on my own shoulders. this is good news since when my happiness is

totally my responsibility, i move towards creating my own happiness and away

from trying to 'make' something work with anther person who is caught up in

living their own fearful story (nightmare). with inquiry, i love myself far too

much to give any one outside of myself the responsiblity for my safety or

happiness. in my experience, as one who can be said to have been in abusive

realtionships, i see much more clearly the 'other' and what it is that i think i

need from them - when i realize that i need NOTHING from you, i am free to leave

you (or not) if i choose to...at the first sign of a controlling word or

attitude, long before it is manifested in physical

actions....in fact, i am for the most part not even attracted to the game of

anything that is less than loving - i'll give it to myself thank you very much!

! i say all of this with such a sense of gratitude that the work has given me a

way to understand myself and my own motives - which in turn seems to have

resulted in a greater degree of self-reliance (i must require all of myself)

which seems to have led to lack of dependance on others which seems to have led

to a much simpler life and the absence of the desire to get involved with

men/people who are what we would call 'abusive. which for me is one of the

aspects of a new-found freedom...

In my experience, inquiry brings clarity, which brings fearless, effective, and

loving action - towards oneself and others. undoing painful thoughts does not

lead to passivity - and no longer are you imagining that the viper that you live

with is a harmless garden hose - you see the viper for what it is and you keep

your distance and find something more appropriate to share your bed with..:0)

you no longer waste your time wishingthat the viper were something else,

something more cuddly and loving. acceptance of it for what it is can mean that

you leave it behind to be what it is and you move forward to find what it is

that you would rather spend time with. this seems important to me. undoing my

painfull/stressful thoughts about you (person who pushes me out of bed or swings

a baseball bat in my direction) doesnt mean that I dont see you clearly - the

opposite is true in my experience. I dont pretend that you are some big teddy

bear who will not harm me physically when reality has

proven different - rather i see you and dont waste a breath on wishing you were

different - that game is over - and i leave you in peace and get on with what I

really want...(whatever that may be)

i wish for your friend peace and clarity, however it may come to her - and i

wish the same for her husband and all the rest of us who are afraid that we

might not get what we want or that we may lose what we have. it is my story that

i must be willing to see clearly, right from the beginning of any relationship -

and inquiry has been the most effective tool that i have found - if i want the

truth, it is mine for the asking. in my experience i must give up every story

that i have of being a victim if i want to know the truth and reclaim authority

over my own life and experience.

well, for what its worth, thats my story today....

cheers,

catherine

luckyinpink wrote:

Hi there,

Well, I had already written this story to someone else....didn't

really want to post it here, but in looking at some of the more

recent posts, maybe it's slightly appropriate.

I was telling my friend, Sue, of my discovery of The Work. Her

response, after my explanation, was to say that she was thankful

that I hadn't discovered this during the time just before her

divorce. She reminded me of a paricularly painful day in her life.

She and her husband had been fighting for hours. Sue had locked

herself in the bathroom to calm down, gather herself, and to get

distance. She came out of the bathroom, walked down the hall, and as

she entered the living room, was suddenly and unexpectedly hit with

a baseball bat that her husband was swinging, breaking her upper

arm.

I won't go into all of the detail....it's not really important,

other than the fact that it was deemed accidental by the

authorities. If you had ever met her husband, who was truly a silver-

tongued devil, you would understand how that could be.

Sue had all of the painful thoughts that you can imagine. She

pulled out the thought that was particulalry painful, which was that

he meant to hurt her, and maybe even meant to kill her. She then put

that up against inquiry. Did she know that it was true? Well, she

certainly felt it was true. Did she know it for certain? No, because

he was drunk, he said he was practicing his swing (he was on a ball

team), he said he didn't hear her walk down the hall (non-carpeted),

etc, etc. Who was she when she believed that thought? Scared,

hostile, not affectionate, paranoid, nervous, etc, etc....insert

your own adjectives if you want, I'm sure you can guess her mental

state. Who would she be without that thought?

Her answer to me was, " co-dependent or dead " . Her belief is that

if she had done " the work " on her thoughts at that time, she would

not have escaped from that situation without being further injured

or killed. Never dismiss the value of a painful thought, she said,

because that painful thought...that he meant to do her harm, was

what scared her to the point of getting away and saving herself from

further harm. This guy is now abusing wife # 2. He was always

contrite and sorry....so how could she KNOW for certain that he

meant to hurt her, when he continually Lied about it? If she did the

turn-around and said, " I shouldn't be so mad at him " ....that would

have just increased her repression and denial to enable her to stay

and tolerate more, since it was all her " projection " anyway..... she

could have turned it around to say that she shouldn't abuse

him..which wouldn't have been accurate, but there was a time when

she would have believed that because she was so in his control by

the mind games he was playing....but it was certainly true that she

was abusing herself by staying....if that idea would have ever

occurred to her....and, having watched the whole thing, I doubt that

it would have.

This guy used to wake up in the morning, draw his legs up, put

his feet against her back and kick her out of bed, whether she was

awake or not, slamming her against the wall on her side of the bed.

She was pregnant at the time, and actually had bruises on her

stomach, which she always was trying to explain to the dr.

Eventually...because her husband said that he " had " to do it because

if she wasn't so lazy she would be up and have his breakfast cooking

before he woke up in the morning.

As I've said before.....any good belief/system can be taken too

far, misunderstood, and misused. There IS a value to painful

thoughts, if you choose to look for it and use it when you find it.

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Bravo !!!!

I've been trying to convey those very thoughts for months. I've finally

given up and decided people only listen to what they want to hear even if

that means rationalizing false truths... and they will only accept what is

on their personal level of consciousness. It does warm my heart, however, to

hear from someone who is not afraid to speak her mind in the name of COMMON

SENSE!!!!

Love Ya!

Eddie

>

>Reply-To: Loving-what-is

>To: Loving-what-is

>Subject: The value of a painful thought.

>Date: Mon, 26 Apr 2004 13:48:35 -0000

>

>Hi there,

> Well, I had already written this story to someone else....didn't

>really want to post it here, but in looking at some of the more

>recent posts, maybe it's slightly appropriate.

> I was telling my friend, Sue, of my discovery of The Work. Her

>response, after my explanation, was to say that she was thankful

>that I hadn't discovered this during the time just before her

>divorce. She reminded me of a paricularly painful day in her life.

>She and her husband had been fighting for hours. Sue had locked

>herself in the bathroom to calm down, gather herself, and to get

>distance. She came out of the bathroom, walked down the hall, and as

>she entered the living room, was suddenly and unexpectedly hit with

>a baseball bat that her husband was swinging, breaking her upper

>arm.

> I won't go into all of the detail....it's not really important,

>other than the fact that it was deemed accidental by the

>authorities. If you had ever met her husband, who was truly a silver-

>tongued devil, you would understand how that could be.

> Sue had all of the painful thoughts that you can imagine. She

>pulled out the thought that was particulalry painful, which was that

>he meant to hurt her, and maybe even meant to kill her. She then put

>that up against inquiry. Did she know that it was true? Well, she

>certainly felt it was true. Did she know it for certain? No, because

>he was drunk, he said he was practicing his swing (he was on a ball

>team), he said he didn't hear her walk down the hall (non-carpeted),

>etc, etc. Who was she when she believed that thought? Scared,

>hostile, not affectionate, paranoid, nervous, etc, etc....insert

>your own adjectives if you want, I'm sure you can guess her mental

>state. Who would she be without that thought?

> Her answer to me was, " co-dependent or dead " . Her belief is that

>if she had done " the work " on her thoughts at that time, she would

>not have escaped from that situation without being further injured

>or killed. Never dismiss the value of a painful thought, she said,

>because that painful thought...that he meant to do her harm, was

>what scared her to the point of getting away and saving herself from

>further harm. This guy is now abusing wife # 2. He was always

>contrite and sorry....so how could she KNOW for certain that he

>meant to hurt her, when he continually Lied about it? If she did the

>turn-around and said, " I shouldn't be so mad at him " ....that would

>have just increased her repression and denial to enable her to stay

>and tolerate more, since it was all her " projection " anyway..... she

>could have turned it around to say that she shouldn't abuse

>him..which wouldn't have been accurate, but there was a time when

>she would have believed that because she was so in his control by

>the mind games he was playing....but it was certainly true that she

>was abusing herself by staying....if that idea would have ever

>occurred to her....and, having watched the whole thing, I doubt that

>it would have.

> This guy used to wake up in the morning, draw his legs up, put

>his feet against her back and kick her out of bed, whether she was

>awake or not, slamming her against the wall on her side of the bed.

>She was pregnant at the time, and actually had bruises on her

>stomach, which she always was trying to explain to the dr.

>Eventually...because her husband said that he " had " to do it because

>if she wasn't so lazy she would be up and have his breakfast cooking

>before he woke up in the morning.

> As I've said before.....any good belief/system can be taken too

>far, misunderstood, and misused. There IS a value to painful

>thoughts, if you choose to look for it and use it when you find it.

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Dear and Eddie:

The Work is NOT about what one does, it is about how one feels. Do

you truly believe that doing The Work or any other type of process

could have changed what Sue did? I personally, do not believe that

is possible.

By the way, Eddie, if you are looking for " Common Sense " here on this

website, you will obviously be dissapointed.

Blessings, Steve D.

> Bravo !!!!

> I've been trying to convey those very thoughts for months. I've

finally

> given up and decided people only listen to what they want to hear

even if

> that means rationalizing false truths... and they will only accept

what is

> on their personal level of consciousness. It does warm my heart,

however, to

> hear from someone who is not afraid to speak her mind in the name

of COMMON

> SENSE!!!!

> Love Ya!

> Eddie

>

> >From: " luckyinpink " <reneedots@e...>

> >Reply-To: Loving-what-is

> >To: Loving-what-is

> >Subject: The value of a painful thought.

> >Date: Mon, 26 Apr 2004 13:48:35 -0000

> >

> >Hi there,

> > Well, I had already written this story to someone

else....didn't

> >really want to post it here, but in looking at some of the more

> >recent posts, maybe it's slightly appropriate.

> > I was telling my friend, Sue, of my discovery of The Work. Her

> >response, after my explanation, was to say that she was thankful

> >that I hadn't discovered this during the time just before her

> >divorce. She reminded me of a paricularly painful day in her life.

> >She and her husband had been fighting for hours. Sue had locked

> >herself in the bathroom to calm down, gather herself, and to get

> >distance. She came out of the bathroom, walked down the hall, and

as

> >she entered the living room, was suddenly and unexpectedly hit with

> >a baseball bat that her husband was swinging, breaking her upper

> >arm.

> > I won't go into all of the detail....it's not really

important,

> >other than the fact that it was deemed accidental by the

> >authorities. If you had ever met her husband, who was truly a

silver-

> >tongued devil, you would understand how that could be.

> > Sue had all of the painful thoughts that you can imagine. She

> >pulled out the thought that was particulalry painful, which was

that

> >he meant to hurt her, and maybe even meant to kill her. She then

put

> >that up against inquiry. Did she know that it was true? Well, she

> >certainly felt it was true. Did she know it for certain? No,

because

> >he was drunk, he said he was practicing his swing (he was on a ball

> >team), he said he didn't hear her walk down the hall (non-

carpeted),

> >etc, etc. Who was she when she believed that thought? Scared,

> >hostile, not affectionate, paranoid, nervous, etc, etc....insert

> >your own adjectives if you want, I'm sure you can guess her mental

> >state. Who would she be without that thought?

> > Her answer to me was, " co-dependent or dead " . Her belief is

that

> >if she had done " the work " on her thoughts at that time, she would

> >not have escaped from that situation without being further injured

> >or killed. Never dismiss the value of a painful thought, she said,

> >because that painful thought...that he meant to do her harm, was

> >what scared her to the point of getting away and saving herself

from

> >further harm. This guy is now abusing wife # 2. He was always

> >contrite and sorry....so how could she KNOW for certain that he

> >meant to hurt her, when he continually Lied about it? If she did

the

> >turn-around and said, " I shouldn't be so mad at him " ....that would

> >have just increased her repression and denial to enable her to stay

> >and tolerate more, since it was all her " projection " anyway.....

she

> >could have turned it around to say that she shouldn't abuse

> >him..which wouldn't have been accurate, but there was a time when

> >she would have believed that because she was so in his control by

> >the mind games he was playing....but it was certainly true that she

> >was abusing herself by staying....if that idea would have ever

> >occurred to her....and, having watched the whole thing, I doubt

that

> >it would have.

> > This guy used to wake up in the morning, draw his legs up, put

> >his feet against her back and kick her out of bed, whether she was

> >awake or not, slamming her against the wall on her side of the bed.

> >She was pregnant at the time, and actually had bruises on her

> >stomach, which she always was trying to explain to the dr.

> >Eventually...because her husband said that he " had " to do it

because

> >if she wasn't so lazy she would be up and have his breakfast

cooking

> >before he woke up in the morning.

> > As I've said before.....any good belief/system can be taken

too

> >far, misunderstood, and misused. There IS a value to painful

> >thoughts, if you choose to look for it and use it when you find it.

> >

> >

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Stop worrying about overloading your inbox - get MSN Hotmail Extra

Storage!

> http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-

us & page=hotmail/es2 & ST=1/go/onm00200362ave/direct/01/

[Guest guest]

Dear lucky,

Am 26.04.2004 um 15:48 schrieb luckyinpink:

> Hi there,

>    Well, I had already written this story to someone else....didn't

> really want to post it here, but in looking at some of the more

> recent posts, maybe it's slightly appropriate.

>    I was telling my friend, Sue, of my discovery of The Work. Her

> response, after my explanation, was to say that she was thankful

> that I hadn't discovered this during the time just before her

> divorce. She reminded me of a paricularly painful day in her life.

> She and her husband had been fighting for hours. Sue had locked

> herself in the bathroom to calm down, gather herself, and to get

> distance. She came out of the bathroom, walked down the hall, and as

> she entered the living room, was suddenly and unexpectedly hit with

> a baseball bat that her husband was swinging, breaking her upper

> arm.

>     I won't go into all of the detail....it's not really important,

> other than the fact that it was deemed accidental by the

> authorities. If you had ever met her husband, who was truly a silver-

> tongued devil, you would understand how that could be.

>     Sue had all of the painful thoughts that you can imagine. She

> pulled out the thought that was particulalry painful, which was that

> he meant to hurt her, and maybe even meant to kill her. She then put

> that up against inquiry. Did she know that it was true? Well, she

> certainly felt it was true. Did she know it for certain? No, because

> he was drunk, he said he was practicing his swing (he was on a ball

> team), he said he didn't hear her walk down the hall (non-carpeted),

> etc, etc. Who was she when she believed that thought? Scared,

> hostile, not affectionate, paranoid, nervous, etc, etc....insert

> your own adjectives if you want, I'm sure you can guess her mental

> state. Who would she be without that thought? 

>     Her answer to me was, " co-dependent or dead " . Her belief is that

> if she had done " the work " on her thoughts at that time, she would

> not have escaped from that situation without being further injured

> or killed.

Yes, and can you really know it is true?

But it is brilliant! She did not do the work, when there was no need

to! ;-)

> Never dismiss the value of a painful thought, she said,

> because that painful thought...that he meant to do her harm, was

> what scared her to the point of getting away and saving herself from

> further harm. This guy is now abusing wife # 2. He was always

> contrite and sorry....so how could she KNOW for certain that he

> meant to hurt her, when he continually Lied about it? If she did the

> turn-around and said, " I shouldn't be so mad at him " ....that would

> have just increased her repression and denial to enable her to stay

> and tolerate more, since it was all her " projection " anyway..... she

> could have turned it around to say that she shouldn't abuse

> him..which wouldn't have been accurate, but there was a time when

> she would have believed that because she was so in his control by

> the mind games he was playing....but it was certainly true that she

> was abusing herself by staying....if that idea would have ever

> occurred to her....and, having watched the whole thing, I doubt that

> it would have.

>     This guy used to wake up in the morning, draw his legs up, put

> his feet against her back and kick her out of bed, whether she was

> awake or not, slamming her against the wall on her side of the bed.

> She was pregnant at the time, and actually had bruises on her

> stomach, which she always was trying to explain to the dr.

> Eventually...because her husband said that he " had " to do it because

> if she wasn't so lazy she would be up and have his breakfast cooking

> before he woke up in the morning.

Yes, and even without the work, how long has she endured him? I mean, I

can love a rat. Doesn't mean I have to sleep with it!

> As I've said before.....any good belief/system can be taken too

> far, misunderstood, and misused. There IS a value to painful

> thoughts, if you choose to look for it and use it when you find it.

>

I love how much you care for us. You even warn us of the dangers of the

work!

Love,