Guru topic sent me way out there!

[Guest guest]

I hit an old topic and fell for it again!

It became horribly painful.

Then i did the work on it and it finally broke.

That was 2 days ago. I have been trying to process this over and ove,

because it keeps coming up.

The " Problem " :

(p.s. I did the work with in Switzerland in 2001 on the topic "

My ex-Guru was not there for me when I needed help)

So, after being for many years with a Guru, I left and felt

betrayed. Then for years I did not trust Gurus.

Now, recently I met a Guru who I trusted again.

BUT, all of my desires, needs, wanting love and more time with this

Guru...etc.... made me a huge mess inside.

I became super needy, jealous, demanding........

Now, through the work, I am remembering that external forms are not

dependable!

They do what they do.

They leave me.

They give their affection to someone else, not me.

This is reality!

My story of what they should be for me and do for me is a myth!

They simply do not do what I want them to do!

I am struggling over and over with accepting this fact.

The point is that I know I have to give myself all of these things,

and this part is not REAL enough yet for me.

I feel lacking.

I abandon myself and dont seem to know how to give myself what I want!

Question:

How do I give myself love?

I am a baby with this still.

Tara