Re: The if-onlys

[Guest guest]

At 10:54 PM 05/01/00, Susi wrote:

> I did manage to find a few items (4 t-shirts,

> 4 dresses, and 2 skirts), but it was a discouraging trip to the mall

> for me as it always is. I drove home in tears because I am not happy

> with myself the way that I am, and one would think that if I'm not

> happy, I would do something to change it. So why can't I? Why am I

> not doing it? It really tears my heart in two, and I wish I could

> find a way to make this all work for myself and be a healthier person

> who felt better about herself. I know for some of you this is not a

> struggle at all, but believe me, for some of us...it is a HUGE

> struggle. Any suggestions?

Susi,

I'm right there in that same place with you. I look

horrible. Frumpy. Spinsterish. I don't even go shopping for clothes

anymore because nothing -- absolutely nothing -- looks good on me. I

figure why spend the money on new stuff if it's gonna look just as crappy

as my old stuff?

Yes I'm struggling. Remember me? The lady who joined WW back in the

beginning of January? Well... I went back to WW today and discovered that

I weigh exactly 1 pound less than I did 12 weeks ago. I pretty much threw

$120 down the toilet. I stopped working out (not my fault) and stopped

following the WW plan. I started eating anything and everything in sight.

I get up every morning and feel awful trying to find something decent to

wear. I *have* nothing decent to wear. I don't wear makeup anymore. I

don't fuss with my hair. I don't do any of those things that I used to do

to make myself look nice, because I feel as if there isn't enough makeup or

hair goo in the world to make me look good. And I feel that way because of

one thing and one thing only. My weight.

So... if I feel that strongly about it, and I have all the tools I need to

do something about it, why am I not doing it? Why is it so much easier to

sit back and do nothing? Where is the discipline? What is wrong with me?

I know what to do. I know how to do it. I know how it will benefit me. I

know it will make me healthier and happier. So I'm an idiot for not

getting off my butt and doing these things that I know are good for me.

But I know I'm not alone. We aren't alone. There are lots of people just

like us, Susi, who want to do it but can't seem to get their butts in

gear. But I'm gonna stay on this list. I'm gonna stick with the

motivation I found here. I know I can do this, and eventually my engine

will get revved up and I'll do it.

So will you, Susi. Just don't give up.

-- Sandy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 05/01/2000 11:08:21 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

diamonique@... writes:

<< So... if I feel that strongly about it, and I have all the tools I need to

do something about it, why am I not doing it? Why is it so much easier to

sit back and do nothing? Where is the discipline? What is wrong with me?

I know what to do. I know how to do it. I know how it will benefit me. I

know it will make me healthier and happier. So I'm an idiot for not

getting off my butt and doing these things that I know are good for me.

But I know I'm not alone. We aren't alone. There are lots of people just

like us, Susi, who want to do it but can't seem to get their butts in

gear. But I'm gonna stay on this list. I'm gonna stick with the

motivation I found here. I know I can do this, and eventually my engine

will get revved up and I'll do it. >>

I was there

I was there for years, 20 of them.

I just accepted how I looked and stopped trying to fight Mother Nature,

telling myself it was too late and I didn't care enough to try to change

anything cuz my husband was still attracted to me.

My physical health deteriorated cuz of inactivity and weightgain and aging as

well as my emotional health cuz of stress and pain.

Something clicked with Tae-Bo

Maybe I had just woke up that exercise was about more than losing weight and

how I looked

Yes, I am still in pain but can manage it much better with increased muscle

strength and flexibility

If you guys do not do exercise for the right reasons (quality of life) rather

than the wrong reasons (quantity of pounds on the scale), you will never make

a permanent change in your life style & it will get worse as you age and

suffer medical complications from being overweight and inactive.

No the fat hasn't melted overnight

but the muscles sure are toning

and any modified exercise will help any physical ailment

more than none, even walking or exercising in a chair.

I probably still look *fat* to most people but that is their problem, not

mine cuz on the inside, I am fit and healthy and feeling better everyday

which is a helluva lot better than feeling worse everyday.

Barb

whose BMI still claims I am obese but that is about as applicable as the

scale to my self-image which improves daily as I can do more and more with

less and less pain

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 05/02/2000 9:00:38 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

slowens@... writes:

<< A little detour here and there might mean the trip is a little longer

than you

had expected, but it also means you get to see a lot of things you

otherwise might not have seen!

who knows sometimes it's hard to appreciate the hard times while

you're in them >>

and perhaps the destination is completely unreachable

cuz of genetics and your focus just needs to be adjusted?

It is well documented that so many medical complications

can be avoided or relieved by regular physical activity.

There was an essay I read about how having a special needs child was like

winding up in Holland when planning to go to and expecting Italy (or having a

normal if not brilliant child).

I have a version of this essay on my webpage rewritten to explain how having

a gay child is different than what a parent expected like winding up in

Holland while setting out for Italy. Holland has its own beauty but if one

only mourns their disappointment of missing Italy, that beauty is not enjoyed.

OK so your first destination/goal/wish was a beautiful body

How bout just changing that to a healthier body?

Personally I find health alot more important than looks.

Just cuz life (or genetics) doesn't give you what you want,

it doesn't mean your alternative path cannot be just as rewarding.

So just accept the fact you may never have the body you always wanted but

don't miss out on what your body can do for you or what you can do for your

body and how much better you can then feel about everything.

Barb

who is so into wotking-out for how it makes me feel that the weight really

means nothing to me and actually enjoys plateaus if it means eating what I

enjoy without gaining weight

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/2/00 8:11:11 AM Central Daylight Time,

etcarroll@... writes:

<<

> , I am so happy for you and your new found peace with

yourself. You are fit. I can attest to it. You look great now and

will look even better in the future. Congratulations.

Elena, who really wishes she could see walk down the aisle

this month

>>

Romie will have to bring the digital camera and then put em online for ya'll.

Okay Romie????

[Guest guest]

> You will notice that the people who really came a long way in

fitness

> (fitness, not thinness) have found an increased sense of self love

(it may

> not be perfect but its certainly better).

>

Wow, this is so true! I meant to respond to this when Susi mentioned

it being easy for some of us to exercise/eat healthy every day. When

I read that in her message, I thought " you know, it is kind of easy

for me now....I still have some days where my eating is less than

perfect, but it's definitely easier than before " . But, you know

what? There were years and years and years where it was the biggest

struggle for me to find the balance. Years of self loathing and the

same thoughts of " I did this before....why can't I do it now " , the

feeling that I was a total failure because I couldn't lose the

weight, the feeling that if I only lost the weight, things would be

better...I would be happier with myself, I would be successful.

Being an all or nothing person (which I know you can relate to

Susi).....I had months where I was doing everything

right....following WW (or whatever diet plan I was on at the time),

exercising daily and then something would happen and for whatever

reason I lost all motivation and had months of doing absolutely

nothing. And the whole time I was thinking " why am I doing this to

myself, why can't I get up and do something about this, why do I lack

any motivation to do this for myself? " So, even for those of us who

have finally " gotten it " and who seem to be " doing it " , there was a

time when we were right where you are! I went through some really

desperate times with regards to my weight, my attitude about losing

weight, my issues with food, my incredibly bad self esteem and the

feeling that I would never love myself. And 's right....I

have definitely found an increased sense of self-love and I feel I

have really come a long way fitness wise. I am in the best shape of

my life right now....even better than in high school when I played

basketball and volleyball, even better than college when I rowed on

the Crew team and even better than when I was an aerobics instructor

and worked out for hours a day at a gym. And why is that? Honestly,

I think it's because I love myself. I have finally found that inner

peace and that inner confidence and I look at myself and see what's

good, not what's bad. I attribute a lot of that to tae-bo. For

whatever reason, when talked to me, I listened to what he was

saying. I heard what he was saying about working from the inside out

and for some reason it just clicked in my head. People have told me

millions of times that it's not what's on the outside that matters,

it's what's on the inside....but I didn't hear them. It went in one

ear and out the other. Do you know how many people said things like

that to me throughout my life? And the first person who I ever

really " heard " it from was . I was at a point in my life where

that message came through for me. And continues to motivate

me...to this day. When he speaks during the class or at the end of

class, I really listen to what he is saying and I continue to hear

it.

Anyway, I'm really rambling now, but I just wanted you all to know

that it wasn't always easy for me. And one day, when you reach your

goals (and I know you will), somebody will look at you and say " geez,

why is it so easy for you? You've got this stuff down...how do you

do it? " And you will look at them and think " Oh, if you only

knew " ....but you will be able to help them because of the struggles

you have overcome and you will really understand how hard you have to

work sometimes to reach your goals. It's not easy, and the road is

long....but as you travel along...realize that you are on your way,

you are headed in the right direction. It's just that sometimes you

take a wrong turn here or there and get a little sidetracked. But,

remember you are still learning incredible lessons along the way and

you are seeing things you otherwise might have never seen! A little

detour here and there might mean the trip is a little longer than you

had expected, but it also means you get to see a lot of things you

otherwise might not have seen!

who knows sometimes it's hard to appreciate the hard times while

you're in them

[Guest guest]

>

> But I know I'm not alone. We aren't alone. There are lots of

people just

> like us, Susi, who want to do it but can't seem to get their butts

in

> gear. But I'm gonna stay on this list. I'm gonna stick with the

> motivation I found here. I know I can do this, and eventually my

engine

> will get revved up and I'll do it.

>

> So will you, Susi. Just don't give up.

Sandy,

You're right....you are not alone! And you will do it! We all get

sidetracked every now and then, but as long as you don't give up and

realize that you are still on the road to being healthy....you will

get there eventually!

[Guest guest]

>

> Ahhh Susi...I bet you were " if-only-ing the dressing room mirror " .

I think

> we all do that to some extent. The question is would we really be

happy with

> ourselves if the " if onlys " happened?

> I've still have a few " I'm so fat crying spells " , (especially after

trying on

> my snug wedding dress) but luckily they are getting further and

further apart.

>

> I'm also at a new found peace. I have decided that in the next

year

come

> heck or high water I am getting a breast reduction. The emotional

and

> physical discomfort is just too much for me. I have come along way

with them

> though..I use to think " I'm chubby but I look so fat because I have

huge

> breasts " ...now " I'm pretty fit and buxom, but soon I'll just be

fit " . Its

> really helped me to smile at myself in the mirror more. I dont

look

half bad

> now half the time hee hee, and I can visualize what I will look

like

soon.

>

> , I am so happy for you and your new found peace with

yourself. You are fit. I can attest to it. You look great now and

will look even better in the future. Congratulations.

Elena, who really wishes she could see walk down the aisle

this month

[Guest guest]

I drove home in tears because I am not happy with myself

the way that I am, and one would think that if I'm not

happy, I would do something to change it. So why can't

I? Why am I not doing it? It really tears my heart in

two, and I wish I could find a way to make this all work

for myself and be a healthier person who felt better about

herself.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hi Susi,

I know that feeling well. I wish I could give you a magic

answer.

It's such a frustrating thing to have all the knowledge and

not seem to be able to apply it to your life.

Please remember that when you continue to try and go

forward, you are succeeding!

Sometimes getting up and facing a new day is the hardest

thing to do and sometimes it's all we can do but don't

underestimate that as being unimportant.

That alone is a great achievement and proves you are

stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Sometimes in life the only thing we can do is continue to

live and that makes us winners. I guess this sounds stupid

and I'm a bit embarassed that I even wrote it. I've lived

through many consecutive years of blackness and I held on

by a thread alot of the time but I'm still alive. It has to

be for something and being alive in of itself is a very

painful thing and a precious gift all at once. Your life

CAN change and you CAN make things happen.

You are strong and you will be able to get what you desire.

Just keep trying.

Judie

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sandy,

You ARE NOT an idiot!!! I struggled with my weight for most of my

life. It's not easy. It's getting easier, but, no I can't say it's

actually easy. I often wonder if I'd be as successful with my weight

and fitness if I weren't living alone...if I had to share a

refrigerator and kitchen cabinets with someone and accommodate, to

some extent, their favorite foods in spite of them being triggers for

me. I've had many, many failures before getting to where I am! I'm

not an idiot, and neither are you!!!

Hugs,

F ;-)

>

> > I did manage to find a few items (4 t-shirts,

> > 4 dresses, and 2 skirts), but it was a discouraging trip to the

mall

> > for me as it always is. I drove home in tears because I am not

happy

> > with myself the way that I am, and one would think that if I'm

not

> > happy, I would do something to change it. So why can't I? Why

am I

> > not doing it? It really tears my heart in two, and I wish I

could

> > find a way to make this all work for myself and be a healthier

person

> > who felt better about herself. I know for some of you this is

not a

> > struggle at all, but believe me, for some of us...it is a HUGE

> > struggle. Any suggestions?

>

> Susi,

>

> I'm right there in that same place with you. I look

> horrible. Frumpy. Spinsterish. I don't even go shopping for

clothes

> anymore because nothing -- absolutely nothing -- looks good on me.

I

> figure why spend the money on new stuff if it's gonna look just as

crappy

> as my old stuff?

>

> Yes I'm struggling. Remember me? The lady who joined WW back in

the

> beginning of January? Well... I went back to WW today and

discovered that

> I weigh exactly 1 pound less than I did 12 weeks ago. I pretty

much threw

> $120 down the toilet. I stopped working out (not my fault) and

stopped

> following the WW plan. I started eating anything and everything in

sight.

>

> I get up every morning and feel awful trying to find something

decent to

> wear. I *have* nothing decent to wear. I don't wear makeup

anymore. I

> don't fuss with my hair. I don't do any of those things that I

used to do

> to make myself look nice, because I feel as if there isn't enough

makeup or

> hair goo in the world to make me look good. And I feel that way

because of

> one thing and one thing only. My weight.

>

> So... if I feel that strongly about it, and I have all the tools I

need to

> do something about it, why am I not doing it? Why is it so much

easier to

> sit back and do nothing? Where is the discipline? What is wrong

with me?

>

> I know what to do. I know how to do it. I know how it will

benefit me. I

> know it will make me healthier and happier. So I'm an idiot for

not

> getting off my butt and doing these things that I know are good for

me.

>

> But I know I'm not alone. We aren't alone. There are lots of

people just

> like us, Susi, who want to do it but can't seem to get their butts

in

> gear. But I'm gonna stay on this list. I'm gonna stick with the

> motivation I found here. I know I can do this, and eventually my

engine

> will get revved up and I'll do it.

>

> So will you, Susi. Just don't give up.

>

> -- Sandy

[Guest guest]

....Wow! That was a very motivating message, I'm ready to push play

right now!!!

Re: The " if-onlys "

> You will notice that the people who really came a long way in

fitness

> (fitness, not thinness) have found an increased sense of self love

(it may

> not be perfect but its certainly better).

>

Wow, this is so true! I meant to respond to this when Susi mentioned

it being easy for some of us to exercise/eat healthy every day. When

I read that in her message, I thought " you know, it is kind of easy

for me now....I still have some days where my eating is less than

perfect, but it's definitely easier than before " . But, you know

what? There were years and years and years where it was the biggest

struggle for me to find the balance. Years of self loathing and the

same thoughts of " I did this before....why can't I do it now " , the

feeling that I was a total failure because I couldn't lose the

weight, the feeling that if I only lost the weight, things would be

better...I would be happier with myself, I would be successful.

Being an all or nothing person (which I know you can relate to

Susi).....I had months where I was doing everything

right....following WW (or whatever diet plan I was on at the time),

exercising daily and then something would happen and for whatever

reason I lost all motivation and had months of doing absolutely

nothing. And the whole time I was thinking " why am I doing this to

myself, why can't I get up and do something about this, why do I lack

any motivation to do this for myself? " So, even for those of us who

have finally " gotten it " and who seem to be " doing it " , there was a

time when we were right where you are! I went through some really

desperate times with regards to my weight, my attitude about losing

weight, my issues with food, my incredibly bad self esteem and the

feeling that I would never love myself. And 's right....I

have definitely found an increased sense of self-love and I feel I

have really come a long way fitness wise. I am in the best shape of

my life right now....even better than in high school when I played

basketball and volleyball, even better than college when I rowed on

the Crew team and even better than when I was an aerobics instructor

and worked out for hours a day at a gym. And why is that? Honestly,

I think it's because I love myself. I have finally found that inner

peace and that inner confidence and I look at myself and see what's

good, not what's bad. I attribute a lot of that to tae-bo. For

whatever reason, when talked to me, I listened to what he was

saying. I heard what he was saying about working from the inside out

and for some reason it just clicked in my head. People have told me

millions of times that it's not what's on the outside that matters,

it's what's on the inside....but I didn't hear them. It went in one

ear and out the other. Do you know how many people said things like

that to me throughout my life? And the first person who I ever

really " heard " it from was . I was at a point in my life where

that message came through for me. And continues to motivate

me...to this day. When he speaks during the class or at the end of

class, I really listen to what he is saying and I continue to hear

it.

Anyway, I'm really rambling now, but I just wanted you all to know

that it wasn't always easy for me. And one day, when you reach your

goals (and I know you will), somebody will look at you and say " geez,

why is it so easy for you? You've got this stuff down...how do you

do it? " And you will look at them and think " Oh, if you only

knew " ....but you will be able to help them because of the struggles

you have overcome and you will really understand how hard you have to

work sometimes to reach your goals. It's not easy, and the road is

long....but as you travel along...realize that you are on your way,

you are headed in the right direction. It's just that sometimes you

take a wrong turn here or there and get a little sidetracked. But,

remember you are still learning incredible lessons along the way and

you are seeing things you otherwise might have never seen! A little

detour here and there might mean the trip is a little longer than you

had expected, but it also means you get to see a lot of things you

otherwise might not have seen!

who knows sometimes it's hard to appreciate the hard times while

you're in them

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Get paid for the stuff you know!

Get answers for the stuff you don't. And get $10 to spend on the site!

http://click./1/2200/1/_/21226/_/957272384/

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Deb has said: " Fitness is a journey and it begins with the first step. "

Visit our new vault site http://taeboon.isportsdot.com/

[Guest guest]

At 08:31 PM 05/02/00, wrote:

>I've had many, many failures before getting to where I am! I'm

>not an idiot, and neither are you!!!

Thanks . I'm hanging in there. Yes it does make it more difficult

when you're sharing the house with others. I have to learn how to deal

with that. I *will* learn how to deal with that!

-- Sandy (not feeling like an idiot anymore)

[Guest guest]

I think I all ready mentioned this book here, but in case I didn't-I'm

reading a book right now by Tawni Gomes called " No More Excuses " ...it is

EXCELLENT and very inspiring...it's about weightloss, becoming healthy, and

learning to love yourself-and to get to these places by taking baby steps...

I'm more than half-way done and I really love it...my only qualm with it is

that she makes a crack on fitness videos (that she knows no one who likes

them-they must have never tried Tae Bo!)...but that is SO minor-the rest of

this book is filled with insight and help...

Here's the Amazon link: <A

HREF= " http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1879706865/o/qid=957634913/sr=8-1

/ref=aps_sr_b_1_1/102-5743173-6888000 " >Amazon.com: buying info: No More

Excuses! Choose to be Fit, Healthy and Happy</A>

And here's her site: <A HREF= " http://www.connectingconnectors.com/ " >Connecti

ng Connectors : No More Excuses : Tawni Gomes</A>

She takes a lot of her inspiration from Bob Green and Oprah's Make the

Connection...it's really nice reading about how the philosophies there worked

for an average woman (I think Oprah is great-but she is far from average ...

Anyways, I just thought I would mention it-because a lot of you in this

discussion sound like this boom would benefit you-like it's benfitting me...

~Kat, who has PMS this week and has cried about her body at least twice in

the past few days...

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/2/00 4:47:55 AM Pacific Daylight Time, Horsemom2@...

writes:

<< I probably still look *fat* to most people but that is their problem, not

mine cuz on the inside, I am fit and healthy and feeling better everyday

which is a helluva lot better than feeling worse everyday.

Barb >>

There's a great little story in that Tawni Gomes book about people seeing her

as fat-even though she was a marathon runner...I'll look for the page # (so

if you don't actually buy the book, you can peek at the story in Borders or

something)...

~Kat

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 05/06/2000 1:52:23 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

TheTaeBoWay@... writes:

<< There's a great little story in that Tawni Gomes book about people seeing

her

as fat-even though she was a marathon runner...I'll look for the page # (so

if you don't actually buy the book, you can peek at the story in Borders or

something)...

~Kat >>

is giving you lessons or did she take lessons from you?

Barb

whose husband removes the stems off of cherrries before buying them

[Guest guest]

At 01:45 PM 05/06/00, Kat wrote:

>I think I all ready mentioned this book here, but in case I didn't-I'm

>reading a book right now by Tawni Gomes called " No More Excuses " ...it is

>EXCELLENT and very inspiring...it's about weightloss, becoming healthy, and

>learning to love yourself-and to get to these places by taking baby steps...

Thanks, Kat! I think I'll add this one to my " wish list " at Amazon.com.

-- Sandy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/6/00 12:50:57 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

Horsemom2@... writes:

<< is giving you lessons or did she take lessons from you?

Barb

whose husband removes the stems off of cherrries before buying them

>>

I don't get your comment...???

~Kat, who is sleepy and her mind is slow tonight

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/6/00 2:51:18 PM Central Daylight Time, Horsemom2@...

writes:

<<

is giving you lessons or did she take lessons from you?

Barb

whose husband removes the stems off of cherrries before buying them

>>

Lol....I would request the Library buy it. I can keep it for two months

photocopy any good stuff and turn it in. Later when books are a little less

new I usually see them at flea markets or garage sales for 50 cents or a

dollar, so I can buy it if it is worth keeping.

Who wipes fruit dry to avoid excess scale weight

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/6/00 11:45:11 PM Central Daylight Time,

TheTaeBoWay@... writes:

<<

I don't get your comment...???

~Kat, who is sleepy and her mind is slow tonight

>>

I'm a renowned cheapskate and penny pincher. The not buying the book thing

is what Barb is referring to :-)

Proud to be the queen of thrift

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/6/00 10:52:16 PM Pacific Daylight Time, galofgop@...

writes:

<< I'm a renowned cheapskate and penny pincher. The not buying the book

thing

is what Barb is referring to :-)

Proud to be the queen of thrift >>

LOL! Then I have another book recommendation for you-I'll have to find it

for the exact title and author, but it's for thrifty (aka, financially smart)

people...

~Kat, who needs to become more thrifty herself

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 05/07/2000 12:45:16 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

TheTaeBoWay@... writes:

<< Horsemom2@... writes:

<< is giving you lessons or did she take lessons from you?

Barb

whose husband removes the stems off of cherrries before buying them

>>

I don't get your comment...???

~Kat, who is sleepy and her mind is slow tonight >>

is the queen when it comes to be economical

Barb

who is stil the Queen of modification though I did TBTV #18 Advanced with

minimal modification today just for the heckofit

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/7/00 7:25:21 AM Central Daylight Time,

TheTaeBoWay@... writes:

<<

LOL! Then I have another book recommendation for you-I'll have to find it

for the exact title and author, but it's for thrifty (aka, financially

smart)

people...

~Kat, who needs to become more thrifty herself

>>

If its the Tightwad Gazzete I have it :-) Got it for 10 cents lol

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/7/00 9:13:35 AM Pacific Daylight Time, galofgop@...

writes:

<< If its the Tightwad Gazzete I have it :-) Got it for 10 cents lol

>>

Yup! I paid full price, though-LOL

~Kat

[Guest guest]

Barb:

>whose husband removes the stems off of cherrries before buying them

Kat questions:

> I don't get your comment...???

Removing the stems reduces the actual weight of the cherries, thereby

giving him more edible fruit for his buck than he would have gotten if the

stems had been left on.

-- Sandy

[Guest guest]

Hahahaha...I always think about chopping the stems off the

brocolli...that would be subtle, huh? LOL

;p

F

> Barb:

> >whose husband removes the stems off of cherrries before buying them

>

> Kat questions:

>

> > I don't get your comment...???

>

> Removing the stems reduces the actual weight of the cherries,

thereby

> giving him more edible fruit for his buck than he would have gotten

if the

> stems had been left on.

>

> -- Sandy