Today i thought i would share...

March 11, 2010

Hello to all members of the group! I have been a silent member here for quite a

while. I read posts as much as i can and today i thought i would share my

experience with you. If i can give strength, positiveness or even give a glimmer

of hope, i have acheived what i wished for today! I first became ill almost 6

years ago. I didn't know what it was, why it had happened or why it was me that

felt so dreadful. My entire body hurt, my head felt it was exploding and

crushing at the same time, i would sleep up to 16 hours a day, i had problems

eating, drinking, walking, especially standing and even talking. My words were

slurry or the wrong words came out when i knew what i wanted to say and i

couldnt hold a sentence or concentrate. I couldn't read, watch T.V. There were

times i couldn't even hold a cup for a drink of water. Everything exhausted me,

picking up a knife to cut my food exhausted me. My whole body would jump in

spasm with the pain. I visited my doctor often, he told me i had a bug or a

virus and it would go away...but it didn't. It seemed to me my life was over. I

lived alone with 2 small children. Kids and a house to support. I became

depressed. Not because i was depressed, but because i felt so ill and no one

could help me, no one could say to me ' I understand' or 'this is what is

wrong'. My family didn't believe how ill i was and their famous saying was '

pull your socks up, get to work and you'll feel better' or 'go out for a walk,

fresh air will do you good'! One day, i decided to keep a diary. I wrote all the

feelings i had. All the symptoms i had for 2 weeks. I again visited my doctor

and gave him my descriptive diary. He finally listened and made a referral to an

ME clinic. Three years after first feeling so unwell i was diagnosed with ME. I

searched for information for a cure, to help my symptoms and wanted so many

questions now answered. Why did this happen and when will i feel better. I

worked hard at resting, ignoring housework and things that werent important. I

had amazing positive courage from my dear friend. I would find one thing in the

day to give me a smile, even if it was the fluffy white clouds in the blue sky

that made shapes for me to see. Well that's when i could face opening the

curtains and not living in a darkened room for weeks. Just the slightest thing i

would find to encourage me that it can only improve even a little it really can.

That diagnosis was made almost three years ago. Today, i am working and really

enjoying it, in a job i never ever thought i could do again. I have interests

returning and now and again have a go at the hobbies i used to enjoy. There are

times when i still have a relapse, at times when my head returns to mush and my

legs return to jelly, and for me i listen and act, i rest, i listen again, i

remember to pace myself slowly, i tell people how i feel so they know how to

support me. I humbly know that many of you here have suffered a great deal

longer than i have... but just for today...I wanted to share. Thank you for

taking your time to read. Bless you all xx

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