I Bought A God

[Guest guest]

The atmosphere always turns festive in anticipation of Diwali. Everybody does a

lot of shopping. Women love this activity the most. I am always at my wife's

disposal to take her around for her never-ending shopping sprees. We go out even

when nothing is to be bought.

 

I am away from my family these days. The place I am in lacked the Diwali frenzy

so visible everywhere. ly, I didn't even feel that it was Diwali. Then my

friend (he is also without his family) suggested a trip to the shopping complex

we have here. It has just a few shops to cater to the basic needs of the

garrison. So we went out.

 

We aimlessly went to all shops. However, there was neither any real need or any

intention to buy anything. We spent most of our time in a shop selling various

things that could be gifted. A figurine of Ganesh caught my eye. It was made of

brass and its solidity impressed me. It was crafted to give Ganesh an

authoritative look. I bought it. As I stepped out of the shop, I was doubtful

about the purchase because I don't have much interest in God or His affairs. 

 

Sipping my coffee yesterday, I found the Ganesh sitting at the table directly in

front of me. I studied its features. I marvelled at the surgical skills of the

person who transplanted an elephant's head onto his (Ganesh's) body. I found his

eyes disproportionately small. His corpulence forced me to guess his BMI. I

wondered if he knows about the risks associated with gross obesity.

 

I was tickled by a funny idea. I hesitatingly asked Ganesh about that

milk-drinking episode which brought the whole country to a grinding halt. I

realised nobody talks to God in that manner. So I was not sure of his response.

Hearing my question, his body stiffened and his face took on a grim expression.

Even his eyes were clouded by an indescribable emotion. I expected him to say

something harsh to show his contempt for my lack of indiscretion. I looked

foolish under his unrelenting gaze. Suddenly, his face melted into a beatific

smile and his big ears fluttered a bit. This friendly gesture put me at ease.

 

Ganesh spoke in a measured tone, " I don't know exactly how that madness started.

Perhaps Digvijay Singh (who often makes an ass of himself on TV) spread the

rumour that I was to drink milk that day. Millions rushed to me with their

offering of milk. Worse, they even tried to make me drink it. Many impatient

fools simply poured the milk over me. Their impertinence appalled me. Nobody

bothered to find out whether or not I like milk (which I don't). What if I had

lactase intolerance? I felt absolutely silly getting all that unwanted

attention. Imagine my relief when people finally retired for the night and left

me alone. I felt  uncomfortable for a long time with that stickiness clinging to

my body. "    

 

Suppressing my smile, I asked him,  " So you didn't drink any milk. " He stared at

me and said emphatically, " No, I didn't. You are the first person I have talked

to about that crazy experience. " I asked him if he has ever met Digvijay Singh

after that. I could see the fury in his eyes. He replied in a menacing tone, "

No, he is fortunate to have never crossed my path. The day I catch hold of the

rascal, I will beat him to a pulp. "

 

I hope Ganesh will fulfil his promise one day.   

 

Bharat