Re: GROUP POST

[Guest guest]

Beth, thanks for responding to the group post.I am happy this list has helped

you, and look forward to hearing more from you, God bless, Sharon(moderator)

[Guest guest]

Jenni, Was nice to hear your thoughts on the group post. I tokk on the

challenge this year of homeschooling all 4 of my special needs boys, and it

is very scary. It's challenging, but very rewarding. They enjoy it and so do

I. I look forward to hearing more from you, Sharon(moderator)

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Its been awhile since we have posted so I figured I'd quickly introduce

my self again. My name is Bernadine, my husband () and I have 4 kids,

Dorian -12- is our oldest and we have been told AS. Our other kids are 8,

6, and 3.5. I really believe that our 6 year old also has some disability

but has never been dxed, Tourette's Syndrome runs in my family so that is

what I think she might have.

School has always been a struggle for us. Dorian started preschool at 3

1/2 and each year has been a different struggle. I have considered

homeschooling and have even pulled him out for periods of time when things

were bad in school. I honestly can say that I cannot homeschool as I feel I

need the break - a sanity break from him - he is very demanding and just

being around him is exhausting. I also think that because he is the oldest

it is more difficult for me to homeschool as the little ones need attention

too, I often wonder if he was the youngest if I could homeschool - I think

the answer is yes! I admire all those of you who do homeschool, it takes

alot of dedication and patience (which I am lacking at the moment). I have

a special education teaching degree so I feel pretty comfortable when

advocating for him at school. When I went to college we were always told

that the IEP is a collaborative effort between the parents and the school

and should NEVER be filled out in advance, you can however have ideas on a

separate page that you would like to suggest. I say this but I have NEVER

been to an IEP for my son where the paper was not filled out. I have made

many changes over the years and have said no to some of their suggestions

and by the end of the meeting the paper really needs to be rewritten to be

legable. Cathie I think it is great that you took a couple of days to mull

over 's IEP - that is your right. Do not be afraid to go in and make

your wishes known, you are the expert on your son and if something does not

sound right, or feel right change it. Did you get a copy of your rights

before the meeting? Here in AZ we have two resources which I have used many

times. The Center for Disabiliy Law is a great resource. They teach classes

to parents about their rights and they have advocates that can help you

understand your rights and help you with the school. I have also called the

Dept of Education and talked to them about what the school could do and what

they could not, they certify your school so they are always interested in

what parents have to say. They helped me when my school told me I could not

come and observe - I got the facts from the Dept of Ed and then held my

ground at the school. The school fought me to the end but when they found

out I had spoken wtih the Dept of Ed they decided that it was ok for me to

visit. Check around your state for free services.

Now on to the group post - I think that appropriate education is

different for every child. The problem is that the schools cannot afford a

teacher for every child so they group kids into catagories - 1st grade, 4th

grade, special ed, emotional disturbed, etc. What would be ideal will never

be the reality- at least not in the public schools. My son has been in a

variety of settings, currently he is in a ED classroom which I do not feel

is ideal because he is very perceptive and knows he is not like the other

kids so he does not have an appropriate peer group. The best setting over

the years was a regular classroom with a fulltime aide and a teacher who

really had Dorian's best interests at heart. He learned that year and made

friends and had fun - school was fun! The second year of this arrangement

with the same wonderful aide and a different teacher (one who could have

cared less about Dorian and how he learned) was a disaster. Which led me to

this year and middle school - the ED classroom was my only option and it is

not ideal or even appropriate but the only option other than homeschooling

at this point. I took my son off all his meds over the summer and I need to

wait awhile to see how he does in school and then I plan to get in and

advocate for a more appropriate setting for him.

I don't think there is any one answer for our children, as much as

schools want to treat them all the same they all have different needs and

need to be treated indivually.

That is enough from me - sorry so long winded - Icould go on forever!!

Is anyone here going to the conference in San Diego on the 15th? My husband

and I are going and really looking forward to being alone for a couple of

days - my sis is watching the kids for us.

Talk to you all soon, Bernadine

[Guest guest]

Bernadine, no apologies are neccessary for being long winded. I enjoyed

reading your post. You gave some wonderful advice, and thank you for

responding to the group post. I look forward to hearing more from you,

Sharon(moderator)

[Guest guest]

Re: GROUP POST

I honestly can say that I cannot homeschool as I feel I

> need the break - a sanity break from him - he is very demanding and

just

> being around him is exhausting.

Bernadine -- Wow -- this is exactly how I feel. It's nice to have

company in these feelings.

Thanks for your ideas about the IEP. I talked to a friend who is a

school counselor and she said it's common for the IEP to be filled out

in advance just to save time in the meeting; but they also leave room

for additions and changes. It still doesn't seem right, though.

After our experience this week they're going to have to do a lot of

rewriting, it seems that a list of ideas would have been more

effective than fully filled out documents.

This morning I'm going to call the school psychologist and tell her

the changes we need on the IEP. This is the first time I've done

this, and I'm a bit nervous -- but we're not going to sign the IEP the

way it is. They seem to think that HFA/AS characteristics are

behavior problems rather than learning issues. Aaaaack!

Thanks again for your support, Cathie

[Guest guest]

Sorry Sharon for not posting but it's been one of those weeks (again!!!). In the UK we have to get our kids assessed by an educational psycologist in order to get them help in the classroom. (7 AS) is finally being put in for special help by his new school but theres a problem. For an area around 200 square miles and with thousands of schools there is only 2 educational psycologists! Problems problems!!

Anyway whinge over! We quite often get funny looks about s blowouts, tics and inappropriate comments I'm afraid I either ignore people or tell them where to go! People who you least expect to comment are the worst, I've had a parent of a young girl with cerebal palsy tell me that a good spanking will stop his tics! I must admit I wondered if thats how she controls her kids!

But there are the funny times like when he asked a pregnant women if she planned to conceive and how many attempts it took!

I would give any parent the same advise my health visitor told me..."ignore the nosey, explain to the interested and remember that ignorance brings it's own punishment"!

bye for now

Beth

[Guest guest]

Annie, thank you for your response to the group post. I agree totally. Your

post was quite interresting, and I picked up a few comebacks. Thank you, and

keep us updated, Sharon

[Guest guest]

Beth sorry to hear you are having a rough week. Hope all goes well and keep

us posted. Thank you for your response to the group post. I like the advice

in the end, very nice. look forward to hearing from you again soon, God

bless, Sharon

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I am one of those naughty lurkers who has not introduced themselves. Sorry.

I must admit I also lurked on that other list. I never posted because it was

outrageous. Anyway, I always meant to post here but ya know - lack of time,

weariness, etc. I am the mom to a 6 yr old boy dx'd with Aspergers. He is

currently in first grade in a self-contained communication disordered class.

School is going great and I am thrilled. My ds is very high functioning and

I suspect our dx may not even be correct. I am thinking he is more SPD, but

a label is just a label and he is recieving all he needs with the one he's

got. We definitely have most of his issues under control - for now! You know

what a difference a day makes. LOL Anyway, we find ourselves in an awkward

place. My ds seems to have one foot in each door. The autistic one and the

nt one and he doesn't really fit well in either spot.

As far as the group question goes, I have always just ignored the comments

of strangers. It's the comments of close ones that get me. For example a

friend of mine would always say " Oh my ds does that too " etc, if I would

comment on my son's behavior. Or she would always say he was acting up just

for me. Then of course came the time for her to watch him for me for a few

weeks a couple of hours a week. She changed her tune real fast! HeeHee!

Anyway, it will be nice to get to know everyone. Elayne

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/19/00 2:10:06 AM !!!First Boot!!!, SSch184188@...

writes:

<< How do you handle rude people when it comes to your kids? >>

I am sorry I haven't been posting the last few weeks. And then there has

been the round of beginning of the year teacher's meetings, the boss was on

vacation and all the other things life throws in your way when you HAVE to

get things done now. That is a very hard thing to deal with.. handling rude

people and deal with your child. Before my son was diagnosed with HFA

people's little snide comments and such REALLY bothered me. Here I was

trying to get control over one child and they were making comments on my

parenting abilities. I found out that getting mad about it made it harder

for me to concentrate on the problem at hand.. the child. When

was diagnosed HFA they stressed to me the importance of educating people

around him about autism. They even went into that they were sure I had heard

that my son's problems were due to poor parenting, so this is a common thing

we have to deal with and the experts know it. Now I am to the point that I

can ignore most of the ignorant people unless they say something that upsets

my child, then I am likely to say very loudly " Just ignore them, they don't

know any better. " The thing that still gets me riled up is when family does

it. Especially my saintly in laws. Last year at Christmas C's aunt asked

him what he got for Christmas.... well he sees this aunt maybe once or twice

a year.. so he ignores her. She asked him again really loudly and got

everybody's attention. Well, this time he turns around and looks at her and

still ignores her. So now she is looking at me like your child is sooo rude

and I am sure by now some of the other people in the room are thinking the

same. These are all people that know he is autistic. I have made available

to them information about the disorder, whether or not they have taken time

to look at it is another matter. But I realize they truly don't know what

is involved in the day to day life of an autistic child and really don't

care. They have their own model children that they can judge everybody

else's by. These are the people that REALLY tick me off.. the ones that

should understand and don't. I have found from past experiences that if I

say that first word it leads to things being said that make other family

members mad and just generally makes things worse than they were to begin

with. So now I just keep my mouth shut and let them think what they want and

consider them ignorant. Of course this only applies when my child doesn't

get upset.