Re: my lover has another love -- and so have I, it seems

[Guest guest]

i am little confused by your reply......sound as if you were seeking yourself

thru your partner...right...if so i in my humble opinion have tried that too

and found disaster every time...how could i find the true self when i was

always worrying about my partner...if i am not happy with me in any relationship

type and i look to other person or thing to complete me i am in deep trouble

and better start upping my doseage of meds lol lol michael

[Guest guest]

" Eva Lobach " wrote:

> Dear All,

>

> my partner for two years and I separated about two months ago. I

> remarked to him that it appeared to me, from his behavior towards me,

> that he didn't see me as a partner to share his life with, maybe

> start to live together, share holidays, etc. I asked him if he

> wouldn't rather be 'free' to perhaps find someone else.

Thank you for this post. I did the same thing from time to time in my

relationship - in seven years we had three talks about if someone else

would make you happier - please feel free to go. I love how I did

this and finally he left. I now smile as I look out my window and

think of the absurdity of this thinking that appears rampant in

American culture. I love how somewhere inside me I sensed that I

wasn't connecting to myself through him at a depth that served the

relationship and took me deeper into my own sense of love but only

served to reinforce endless stories...so we've both been spared. I

kept trying to get myself to go to a place where my thoughts of him

weren't about the fact that we were *fixes* for one another.

I'm glad that I get to explore this more deeply now...so thanks for

your post....I look forward to the day when I experience it all as

love - not there yet...

Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

Eva,

Thanks for sharing this! I love how the story of needing something from someone

else can drop away - and your description of 'being' everything around you - not

seperate- was a wonderful reminder to me that there is never any loss, just a

story of loss that I am free to investigate and come back to the truth that I

always have what I need. I am the love of my life, what a wonderful discovery!

Thank you!

Love

Eva Lobach wrote:

Dear All,

my partner for two years and I separated about two months ago. I

remarked to him that it appeared to me, from his behavior towards me,

that he didn't see me as a partner to share his life with, maybe

start to live together, share holidays, etc. I asked him if he

wouldn't rather be 'free' to perhaps find someone else.

After some introspection (finally!) he admitted that he agreed with

what I said. And we decided to be 'friends' instead.

Two days ago he told me he found a new love. He met her a couple of

weeks ago, last week she and he emailed frequently during his stay at

a conference, like he used to do when he and I had just met, she is

in his thoughts very often, he didn't call me last weekend when he

got back home, like he promised he would, and instead he went to see

her and make love to her.

The story he told me felt painful to me, but still overall, I felt

mostly rather quiet inside.

This morning I imagined that I was not inside of me, but I was the

things around me, making love to me.

I was the mattress, holding me so light, embracing me, I was the

sheets covering me, keeping me warm.

The sound of a bird was there, and I was that bird, singing a song

especially for me!

I was the roof over my head, graciously protecting me.

I was the air going in and out through my nose, of exactly the right

mixture to keep me alive and healthy.

Oooh, I felt LOVED, and so grateful.

Why suffer because of a story?

That's how it is now. Don't know about tomorrow.

Another thing I read somewhere that I find very comforting, even

hilarious, whenever I tend to believe a story about not being loved:

Imagine that every love song you hear is from me to me. Just hear the

turnarounds directly.

I need your love so bad... I need my love so bad

I only want to be with you .... I only want to be with me

You are the only one .... I am the only one...

All the cliches sound like new, and suggest interesting

possibilities....

Love,

Eva

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

> I love how somewhere inside me I sensed that I

> wasn't connecting to myself through him at a depth that served the

> relationship and took me deeper into my own sense of love but only

> served to reinforce endless stories...so we've both been spared. I

> kept trying to get myself to go to a place where my thoughts of him

> weren't about the fact that we were *fixes* for one another.

Could you explain about this? I don't think I get what you're saying.

What does it mean when you say: " I sensed that I wasn't connecting to

myself through him at a depth that served the relationship. " ?

> I'm glad that I get to explore this more deeply now...

Do you think you are (or will be) different in a relationship now?

Can you say anything about what has changed for you, in this respect?

Eva