Message to

[Guest guest]

,

Hello, Thank you for responding to my mail.Ya know you brought

something up that I never gave a second thought.The negative

feelings that I possibly leave my daughter with not telling her how

I feel.I guess I dont tell her I feel like I am whinning and she I

feel is probably tired of hearing any of it.Eventhough I try to keep

that in perspective.While her and I sit to do her homework we use

our kitchen table where the lighting is good and the chairs are

wooden oak with high backs.Their are cushions on the seat.Even when

we sit on our living room furniture which is very supportive for the

back and legs I still have pain.The rocker which is not wooden is

also very supportive.The problem that I have is in my neck and my

shoulder's.My neck muscles and shoulder muscles are very

stressed.When I put my head down to read it hurts like the dickens

and is usually felt in the back and sides of my neck.If I hold my

head and look straight ahead to read,well then my shoulders and arms

hurt so bad and get heavy that holding something up is almost

impossible.Just sitting in a chair of any kind strains my back and

neck.As for the shower..It be just to sit and clean.I would never be

able to lie back because that would only cause pain in my neck.The

heat from the shower feels great on my head and neck and

shoulders.Washing my hair, fixing my hair,putting make-up on,things

of that nature are very difficult.I suppose I could draw a bath in

the mornings just to freshen up,not to relax.I never thought of some

of these things that you have brought up to me.I love my daughter

very much and I know that if we could all turn back the hands of

time we would.I get angry at myself.I am only 40 years old and I had

so many dreams of becoming a Nurse and supporting my daughter and I

and basically I Love Nursing.I dont feel sorry for myself.Being a

recovering alcoholic I know what self pity can do to ones being.I

hope that I am not making my daughter feel like she is a burden is

what I am picking up.Is this what you are thinking?THANK YOU SO VERY

MUCH FOR THE OBSERVATION.Showers are quicker just because I take my

daughter to school and so I need to be ready when I wake her up .I

mean exhausting in the way that I am just tired.My body aches most

of the time.Everything seems to take so much more work,even the

simplest of things.Feel like I weigh 100 lbs more than I really do

which is a mere 110 lbs.Let me know if any of this makes sense.

shellyk