and choice

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

One of the ideas in your post jumped out at me. You say that you are stuck

taking care of your mother. Is that really true? Could you choose to abandon

that responsibility? Is that within the realm of conceivable possibility for

you to just walk away? I understand that you have reasons that you don't do

this, or haven't done this.

Consider that you are there taking care of your mother because you choose to

be there; and it is the lie that you don't have a choice that is causing

your upset. By the way it also takes away the credit you deserve for being a

daughter who chooses to take care of her mother, which is what you have

been.

I sat in a restaurant in Flagstaff eating a meal I didn't want, in a

restaurant I didn't prefer, having paid a price that I thought was too high,

feeling consumed with resentment. I noticed how I was feeling and began to

look for what was beneath the resentment. As I inquired I realized that I

was pretending that I didn't have a choice, that I couldn't have simply

said, I don't want to eat here. I told the story that I had to be " nice " and

" accommodating " in order to be approved of and welcome. I denied my power

and the effect was resentment.

Since then I have trained myself that whenever I notice resentment to ask

where is power being denied and the pretense that choice does not exist.

So, I invite you to inquire into your " I have to's " and see what you find.

Not so that you can see what I found, but so that you may see the truth.

Love,

> Date: Sat, 08 Jan 2005 17:59:29 -0000

>

> Subject: Hello all!

>

>

>

> Hi everyone...I am new to this group. I saw about 6 years ago

> during the 'New Years Cleanse' in Malibu. Now I suppose I wasn't

> ready to fully embrace 'The Work' at that time since I caused alot

> of suffering in the 6 years that followed. In a nutshell my mom was

> diagnosed with MS and I had to move from California to Florida to

> take care of her, ended an 11 year relationship, left my best friend

> behind, and began a journey of looking for a new career. I was

> about 30 at that time. I smoked pot for around 4 months during the

> transition (and intense time of grieving) and made devistating

> choices (financially) at that time, leaving me with losing my life's

> savings and accumulating over $100,000 in debt. I fell into a deep

> state of depression after all that, and felt " stuck " with being the

> only person to care for my mother while being so young. Now 6 years

> later and I am still caring for my mother and at times feel rageful

> about it and find myself often feeling " stuck " . I recently started

> doing the work on this story, however, and realize my pain is coming

> from beliefts (thoughts) such as " I shouldn't have to do this " ,

> or " my mother is taking my life away from me " , or " I am stuck " ,

> etc. I'm new to the work all over again, but already I'm feeling

> some freedom within myself. My turnaround is that my thinking is

> taking my life away from me...my thinking is stuck...and I should be

> taking care of my mother (because I am) and should be taking care of

> myself & my thinking. When I look back with regret too about how I

> reached outside myself to drugs, overspending money etc...I can now

> see the efects of looking outside myself when I'm arguing with

> reality. I didn't want to accept reality and I tried to " run away "

> from it...but it is impossible. I wonder now how I would have

> handled things differently during that time if I had been doing 'the

> work'?

>

> Anyway, I just wanted to share with you all about this story & look

> forward to making new friends & sharing 'the Work'.

>

> Take care!!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________________________________________________

> ________________________________________________________________________

>

> Message: 2

> Date: Sat, 8 Jan 2005 16:18:08 EST

> From: Jodynot@...

> Subject: Re: Hello all!

>

>

>

> Welcome, my journey is similar and I bless you as you get connected and

> inspired with your Work.....

>

> Blessings to you

>

>

>