Re: Angry at my boyfriend - Jan -

[Guest guest]

" " wrote:

> Dear Jan,

> >

> > >>>So ...these questions occurred to me...

> > You have a boyfriend...Is it true?

>

> Yes, it´s a story that makes me feel good, I hold on to that one.

Hi -

When something *out there* makes me feel good - I realize it's simply

an addiction and that I'm giving " control " of my happiness away.

When everything out there makes me feel good I realize that I have no

story.

There has never been another person who loved me. It sounds cruel to

say this, but actually, it is the kindest thing in the universe. The

turn around is also true. EVERYONE I have ever met loved/loves me -

just some of them don't realize it consciously yet because I don't get

it myself yet - so these people are here to teach me.

Everyone is responding to my energy and giving me exactly what I want!

In my life a friend just came to me with this problem in reverse. HE

wanted her to get her driver's license AND make money - She is in her

late twenties, appears brilliant and capable.

He is attached to her and decided to stay with her because the pain of

being out there dating was bigger than the pain of staying. Here's a

hunk of a man not wanting to date!!!! Preferring the familiar...hmmmm

for me abuse IS familiar!

I have noticed that most people " agree " to stay not out of love, but

out of fear. Why is having a boyfriend a happy story? It is

absolutely unequivocally no different than the happy story of NOT

having a boyfriend. All stories are happy or sad based on our " story "

of what they mean.

I loved your work because for me I realized that the work is usually

never about what you are actually working on - for me it goes much

deeper than that.

For me it always was - I don't love this man because he isn't who I

want him to be. I don't love this moment because it isn't exactly

what I wish it to be.

In either case, as always, the moment is perfect - my non acceptance

of the moment is the problem.

When I pick up a pencil and do the work on this non-acceptance of the

moment, I can lie to myself and abuse myself AGAIN or I can come to

the truth that gives me peace and take action based on that. The

confusion enters in when my addiction is so great that doing the

loving thing hurts me emotionally because I may have to give up

something I'm attached to....

Don't know if I'm explaining this very well. This is a deeper

understanding for me of how the work can be used to substantiate an

inner lie to ourselves BECAUSE we have a story of what this moment

SHOULD look like. Surrendering that and doing the work is very

challenging.

People get on this board and say - You can't do the work wrong.

That's right - I can use the work to abuse myself for as long as I

need the suffering to get to the truth.

Thanks - I learned a lot from " your " problem!!!!

Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

Jan:

I just wanted to let you know how helpful these words were to me. I'm

still trying to get a handle on The Work. Your explanations were

insightful. Thank you!

> > Dear Jan,

>

> > >

> > > >>>So ...these questions occurred to me...

> > > You have a boyfriend...Is it true?

> >

> > Yes, it´s a story that makes me feel good, I hold on to that one.

>

> Hi -

> When something *out there* makes me feel good - I realize it's

simply

> an addiction and that I'm giving " control " of my happiness away.

>

> When everything out there makes me feel good I realize that I have

no

> story.

>

> There has never been another person who loved me. It sounds cruel

to

> say this, but actually, it is the kindest thing in the universe.

The

> turn around is also true. EVERYONE I have ever met loved/loves me -

> just some of them don't realize it consciously yet because I don't

get

> it myself yet - so these people are here to teach me.

>

> Everyone is responding to my energy and giving me exactly what I

want!

>

> In my life a friend just came to me with this problem in reverse.

HE

> wanted her to get her driver's license AND make money - She is in

her

> late twenties, appears brilliant and capable.

>

> He is attached to her and decided to stay with her because the pain

of

> being out there dating was bigger than the pain of staying. Here's

a

> hunk of a man not wanting to date!!!! Preferring the

familiar...hmmmm

> for me abuse IS familiar!

>

> I have noticed that most people " agree " to stay not out of love, but

> out of fear. Why is having a boyfriend a happy story? It is

> absolutely unequivocally no different than the happy story of NOT

> having a boyfriend. All stories are happy or sad based on

our " story "

> of what they mean.

>

> I loved your work because for me I realized that the work is usually

> never about what you are actually working on - for me it goes much

> deeper than that.

>

> For me it always was - I don't love this man because he isn't who I

> want him to be. I don't love this moment because it isn't exactly

> what I wish it to be.

>

> In either case, as always, the moment is perfect - my non acceptance

> of the moment is the problem.

>

> When I pick up a pencil and do the work on this non-acceptance of

the

> moment, I can lie to myself and abuse myself AGAIN or I can come to

> the truth that gives me peace and take action based on that. The

> confusion enters in when my addiction is so great that doing the

> loving thing hurts me emotionally because I may have to give up

> something I'm attached to....

>

> Don't know if I'm explaining this very well. This is a deeper

> understanding for me of how the work can be used to substantiate an

> inner lie to ourselves BECAUSE we have a story of what this moment

> SHOULD look like. Surrendering that and doing the work is very

> challenging.

>

> People get on this board and say - You can't do the work wrong.

> That's right - I can use the work to abuse myself for as long as I

> need the suffering to get to the truth.

>

> Thanks - I learned a lot from " your " problem!!!!

>

> Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

" daisytrench " wrote:

> Jan:

>

> I just wanted to let you know how helpful these words were to me. I'm

> still trying to get a handle on The Work. Your explanations were

> insightful. Thank you!

>

>

Yes, they were insightful to me too! I love that when that happens!

Blessings - Jan