Autistics' Guide to Dating Book Review

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Date: Fri, 29 Feb 2008 08:08:02 -0500

Source: Seattle Times,

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2004197834_autisticcouple24.

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Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody Ramey have co-written a book titled

" Autistics' Guide to Dating. " In the book, the married couple reflect on

their personal experiences and give advice on relationships.

VANCOUVER, Wash. Emilia Murry Ramey and Jody Ramey met through a

mutual friend. They soon discovered they had more in common than their

friend. Both were students at Portland State University. And both have

autism.

The Vancouver couple are among the estimated 1.5 million Americans living

with the effects of some degree of autism.

Specifically, Emilia and Jody both have Asperger syndrome, marked by social

awkwardness and a lack of understanding of conventional social rules.

As if dating weren't hard enough.

" I hadn't had any dating experience before meeting her, " said Jody, 35.

" I used to say I had more jobs than dates, " joked Emilia, 33.

Not only did Jody and Emilia figure out dating, they laid out tips for

others in a book, " Autistics' Guide to Dating: A Book by Autistics, for

Autistics and Those Who Love Them or Who Are in Love with Them. "

The book is available for $19.95 on the London-based Kingsley

Publishers Web site jkp.com <http://jkp.com/>.

" A lot of literature on autistics comes from the medical community that

shows autistics as broken and in need of fixing, " Jody said. " We don't talk

about autism as a deficit at all. We talk about how to sell the positive

traits of autism in a romance. "

The couple, who married in 2006, didn't set out to write a book. Soon after

they started dating, Jody, who has made presentations at autism conferences

around the world, suggested they make a proposal to the Autscape conference

in London for a session on dating.

" Since we'd only been dating for two weeks, she thought I was nuts, " Jody

said. But Emilia was willing.

The couple's presentation was a success, and they went on to offer similar

sessions.

" We decided the book was the next step, " Jody said. " A large percentage of

our book is just good, solid relationship principles. "

The book stresses communication.

" People on the autism spectrum aren't good at reading subtle social cues, "

Emilia said. So couples have to specifically voice their feelings and

concerns. Even then, she said, things can get tricky.

Emilia said she learned that if something Jody said offended her, she should

ask what he meant before getting upset.

The book also addresses touch, which makes many autistics uncomfortable.

" I'm a bit touch-defensive, " Jody said. " It isn't that I don't like to be

touched. It's that there are specific ways I like to be touched. The book

helps couples find those ways no matter what their verbal ability. "

Autistic people often have very narrow interests, which can be a barrier to

connecting with others. The book helps them navigate beyond a laser-point

focus.

" If you love 'Star Trek,' go to a 'Star Trek' convention, " Jody said. " Don't

talk about 'Star Trek' at your grandmother's funeral. "

The book also seeks to help autistics overcome stereotypes.

" One of the problems that holds people back is a negative view of

autistics, " Emilia said. " People think of 'Rain Man' or someone banging

their head against the wall.

Autistics can have successful relationships. "

Nagla

" The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of

private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic

State itself. That, in its essence, is Fascism - ownership of government by

an individual, by a group or by any controlling private power. " -lin

Delano Roosevelt