Re: I NEED to know who I am without the stressful thought

[Guest guest]

Dear Eva,

What is so beautiful for me regarding the inquiry of " Who am I... " is

in the inquiry itself, not in the answer.

For me, no answer will satisfy. And I find that thrilling because it

plunges my awareness into the silent unknown where I can't even find

myself!

At that point, there is nowhere I can look that is not me.

Thanks for bringing me here, right now, right in this very moment, by

sharing your inquiry here.

Not knowing who I am without thought, and enjoying it very much (!),

Kheyala

[Guest guest]

Thank you, dear Kheyala, for your message.

I find it interesting that the Universe (or whatever) knows how to

give me exactly what is appropriate at the time I seem ready for it.

I read your message, and the thought that it's not emptiness but a

fullness of 'all of me', resonated with me. Next day I read the

account of Suzanne Segal ('Collision with Infinity'), which describes

a decade of abiding in the emptiness of no-me with the accompanying

terror, until she learned that the fear was produced by a part of her

mind looking for the person that wasn't there anymore. This part of

her mind, being a conditioned reflex of turning inward to find

the 'me', found just the emptiness of no-me, and signalled that

something was wrong. Once the reassurance was given that nothing was

wrong, this opened the way to the next stage, in which she became

aware that everything around her was herself. When she was driving

her car, she was driving through herself, going to a place she

already was.

Elsewhere I read that this empty fullness doesn't mean annihilation

of awareness (which was the source of my fear, I think...), but it

means annihiliation of the person. The awareness is still there, and

deepens. It's not bound to a particular identity any longer, you, me,

him, but it's simply IDENTITY, all one unity.

Ah well, those were the words that sort of reassured me. I think

they'll make it easier to ask the question " Who am I? " without fear

of being submerged in emptiness, to trust that IT will be there to

imbue its awareness once the 'beyond thought, beyond feeling, beyond

action, beyond me' happens. As it probably already does all the time,

so why be afraid since what would be different?

Still inquiring,

Eva

> Dear Eva,

>

> What is so beautiful for me regarding the inquiry of " Who am I... "

is

> in the inquiry itself, not in the answer.

>

> For me, no answer will satisfy. And I find that thrilling because

it

> plunges my awareness into the silent unknown where I can't even

find

> myself!

>

> At that point, there is nowhere I can look that is not me.

>

> Thanks for bringing me here, right now, right in this very moment,

by

> sharing your inquiry here.

>

> Not knowing who I am without thought, and enjoying it very much (!),

>

> Kheyala

[Guest guest]

" Eva Lobach " wrote:

>

> I find it interesting that the Universe (or whatever) knows how to

> give me exactly what is appropriate at the time I seem ready for it.

>

> I read your message, and the thought that it's not emptiness but a

> fullness of 'all of me', resonated with me. Next day I read the

> account of Suzanne Segal ('Collision with Infinity'), which describes

> a decade of abiding in the emptiness of no-me with the accompanying

> terror, until she learned that the fear was produced by a part of her

> mind looking for the person that wasn't there anymore. This part of

> her mind, being a conditioned reflex of turning inward to find

> the 'me', found just the emptiness of no-me, and signalled that

> something was wrong. Once the reassurance was given that nothing was

> wrong, this opened the way to the next stage, in which she became

> aware that everything around her was herself. When she was driving

> her car, she was driving through herself, going to a place she

> already was.

>

> Still inquiring,

>

> Eva

I loved this description - thank you. On the way to Reality so many

appear to take a detour through madness. I think it has to do with

just such a realization. The blowing away of all you thought was real

does seem tremendous. So much so that we cling to a story here a

story there. To let them all go and stand empowered by That is huge.

One of the cds I listen to the author said - It is not death we are

afraid of - it's life. Really living life as it was meant to be lived

that scares the pah jeebers out of us.

As I go through and slash my stories, I too get gripped by the

overwhelming size of the nothingness of it all and the connectivity of

it all.

I notice that I keep going - and then take a breather and sink into

some story line and then move on again. Wanting the truth 24/7 is

amazing!

Blessings - Jan

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

>

> As I go through and slash my stories, I too get gripped by the

> overwhelming size of the nothingness of it all and the connectivity

of

> it all.

It's the nothingness that's bothering more now than the connectivity.

Could you explain about that, what do you mean by connectivity?

> I notice that I keep going - and then take a breather and sink into

> some story line and then move on again. Wanting the truth 24/7 is

> amazing!

The fear of the nothingness makes me feel like getting stuck.

Love,

Eva

[Guest guest]

" Eva Lobach " wrote:

> Hi Jan,

>

> >

> > As I go through and slash my stories, I too get gripped by the

> > overwhelming size of the nothingness of it all and the connectivity

> of

> > it all.

>

> It's the nothingness that's bothering more now than the connectivity.

> Could you explain about that, what do you mean by connectivity?

I hold up my hand. In normal consciousness, I see MY hand against a

background. When I'm having one of those incredible moments, My hand

and My background merge and it's all me!!!!!!!!! I laugh. I am

bliss. Then a story comes along - all decked out - I'm attracted and

leave the bliss for that!!!!! It's like being the everything and the

nothing all in one moment!

>

> > I notice that I keep going - and then take a breather and sink into

> > some story line and then move on again. Wanting the truth 24/7 is

> > amazing!

>

> The fear of the nothingness makes me feel like getting stuck.

>

> Love,

> Eva

For me, the fear is just my Ego going - Oh My God she's getting it

quick send a story that will grip her and keep me alive. Ahhhhhh -

the overwhelming abyss of nothingness - most effective...