To the two Ashoks

[Guest guest]

Dear Ashok Sinha,

Of course I would love to be quoted. Only great men or drug smugglers are

quoted. I do deal in drugs, of course.

I love you too, Ashok. But lets keep this private. Log kya kahenge?

Kishore Shah 1974

PS: To the other Ashok: I was busy with the tax audit of my hospital, hence

could not write extensively. But sure, I too miss our own Shyam Kamath.

Singapore

To: " MGIMS " <mgims >

Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 10:14 AM

A doctor friend of mine, Dr.X, is traveling to Singapore for the first time.

In fact, he is going abroad for the first time. He has asked me for tips and

tricks. I thought they would be helpful to everyone else too. So here goes:

Dear X,

First of all let me express my surprise. You have attained, shall we

euphemistically call, a ripe age and have not ventured abroad ever? In this

age, where arthritis, diabetes and hypertension are rife, it has always been

my credo: Enjoy life while you can. Who knows, the next time you may need a

wheelchair. Or maybe someone will spot you drooling, and there may not even

be a female in sight. And, of course, at your age, the main aim of going to

Bangkok (alone) is negated. However, better late than never. Congrats for

having decided to take the plunge.

DOCTOR! SHEILD THYSELF!

The first important point, any doctor going abroad, or anywhere else, should

keep in mind is that being a doctor earns you just a free parking spot for

your car in your hospital. Otherwise the tag " Doctor " is a great liability.

So when you book you tickets or accommodation, never ever mention Doctor in

the form. Mentioning it will not get you a concession. In fact, some might

even over charge you. The worst nightmare is that you may be called to treat

an ailing patient free of charge in the aircraft or hotel. (I know all ye

golden hearted doctors are yelling yourselves hoarse about ethics and

Hippocrates, but that is strictly for the birds.)

On my flight to Egypt, I was shaken awake from my siesta, to see a fat

Egyptian complaining of chest pain. Somehow, the seating is always so

arranged that you need to take the longest route possible. I was located

right in front in the hijacker's seat. The fat Egyptian was located near the

exhaust pipe of the plane. As I made my way through the narrow aisles of the

plane, I was roundly cursed by many co-passengers who wanted to rush to the

loo, as well as by the attendant who had started serving dinner, or was it

lunch? (Thousands of feet above the earth, you never know what is being

served. Always happens, when you are 'high'.)

When I asked the attendant for a stethoscope and a BP apparatus, they

promptly broke open plastic packs and handed them to me. I admired them for

their efficiency, little knowing what would follow. A thorough examination

in the cramped quarters was possible only by half climbing on top of the fat

Egyptian. Matters were made worse by the fact that he also suffered from

halitosis, besides the chest pains.

Twelve thousand feet up in the air, it is a mite difficult to find a

pharmacy, so I offered him some Aspirin, which was the only heart related

drug I was carrying. I also thought of giving him some laxatives, to take

his mind off the chest pains, but took pity on the crowded plane loo. But

the fat Egyptian had the nerve to refuse the drug saying that he did not

trust me, and preferred to check with a local Egyptian after landing.

I gave him a disdainful look, which was lost on him. Then I trudged back to

my seat, going through the routine of creeping into the side aisles to

accommodate an on-coming fat mama on her hurried way to the loo. Just as I

had parked my bottom on the seat, a steward told me that the captain was

calling me behind again. I wondered what this was about. Had the Egyptian

got worse, or had he suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to thank me?

As I lumbered back to the rear of the plane, the fat mama gave me a

suspicious stare.

But the captain was waiting for me at the rear with a sheaf of forms. He

explained that I needed to fill out the forms because I had used the packed

stethoscope and BP apparatus. The forms were in triplicate with no carbon

paper in sight. Besides pharmacies, stationary shops are also rare so high

up in the air.

I objected to a line in the form which said that I absolved the airline for

all responsibility for the patient. I mean, here I was yanked rudely from my

seat to treat a fat halitotic ungrateful Egyptian, and all I got in return

was an acceptance of responsibility. The captain launched into a lengthy

tirade against bureaucracy, though he was very much part of it. Finally, in

a tired bid to end it all I hastily scribbled my name on the form and

wearily made my way back to my seat, only to be told that I had totally

missed my lunch (or dinner) and would be served only snacks at tea time.

Thus, if you are a doctor, curb that idiotic urge to spring whenever there

is an announcement asking if there is a doctor in the house. Close your eyes

and clench your teeth. Pretend you are fast asleep. But NEVER EVER mention

that you are a doctor.

ARE AGENTS GENTS?

Agents are there to help you. Right? Wrong! They are there primarily to earn

their own living. So, should you ignore them and book you tours directly?

Absolutely not.

You think that is a contradictory statement? Not at all. What I mean is that

you must definitely visit the agent and look at the various itineraries.

These have been specially made through years of experience, so that you can

do more sight seeing in a very short time. Carry the brochures home and then

plan your trip according to that. After that you can Google and check for

the best deals. Usually, the airline of the place you are visiting offers

you clubbed packages with airfare plus hotel. These are quite a good deal.

HOW TO EXPLORE SINGAPORE

You are fortunate that you are going to Singapore in your first trip because

it is an easy city for tourists. Is Singapore a city or a country? Well both

actually. It was an island which nobody wanted. So the sleepy fishing

village converted into a dynamic city state that it is now.

To sight see in Singapore is extremely easy. You do not need a guided tour.

The trains are absolutely convenient and fast. They have well labeled routes

and maps. You can never get lost in Singapore (provided you have the dollars

in your pocket).

Buses are also good, but you may need to buy a small guide to use them.

Buy a small pocket guide and you are well equipped to drink in the sights

and sounds of Singapora, as it is called in the local lingo.

BYE INDIAN! BUY INDIAN!

Sometimes you may be justified in getting confused. Are you back in a

cleaner sort of India. Yes! A sizeable population of Indians has made

Singapore their home. So you have a train station called Dhobi Ghat

(pronounced Dobby Got locally). There is a place called Little India, where

you can eat a masala dosa with Sambaar, but then who wants to spend dollars

eating a dosa?

But you can get good bargains at Mustafa, a shop in Little India. This shop

offers the best exchange rates for rupees. YES! They accept Rupees, and give

a better deal if you proffer 500 or 1000 rupee notes. There are plenty of

bargain hotels for good stays in this area too.

BRAND MANIA

If you prefer to splurge your hard earned money, then go to Orchard street.

Plenty of branded maal for plenty of Dollars. But if you are a value

shopper, who goes mall hopping for that 'Ek par Ek free' offer, then just

shop with your eyes. And reserve your moolah for Mustafa and buy imported

soaps there.

STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS

A must see in Singapore is the Jurong Bird park. A day should be reserved

for this. There are millions of birds and bird shows. You can avail a combo

pass for the bird park, zoo and night safari. It will save you half the

dollars. These tickets are easily available at the park entrance.

Another great family destination is the Sentosa Resort. It is a fantastic

place for adventure rides for children and the laser light show is just

terrific. An interesting sidelight is that the entire laser show has been

set up by Indian engineers. So while your chest swells up with pride, your

brain buzzes with confusion as to why they didn't do that in India.

If your wife (or girl friend) is accompanying you, then you can visit the

Orchid garden, where females are guaranteed to swoon at the sheer profusion

of beauty of Orchids (I mean the flowers and not the ones in

Orchidectomies).

CRABBY TIME

If you have not eaten Singapore Crab, you have not lived. A single dish is

sufficient for 4 people. It costs the equivalent of 2000 rupees or above,

but it is definitely worth it. An area called e Quay (pronounced Clak

Key) has many riverside restaurants and even offers boat rides. The Crab is

presented in all its orange glory here at most of the restaurants. But a

word of advice. Do not unnecessarily eat the starter biscuits or use towel

wipes. Everything is charged here and heavily at that. So you just may have

to pay a hundred rupees for wiping your face.

A river in Singapore? Actually it is a creek. I explained to a local guide

that what he was calling a river was actually the sea making its way into

the island. But the locals call it a river, so the argument ends there.

Chinatown is also a great place to see for its old Chinese buildings.

COMBO OFFER?

Many chaps prefer to combine Singapore with Thailand and Malaysia. You do

save on air fare and it's a good deal. In case you opt for Malaysian

Airways, they even provide you free one night at KL. (Ah naughty boy! Forget

your college days. KL stands for Kuala Lumpur - their Capital city.)

Well, whatever you do, enjoy yourself. And do plan many more trips. In case

you need any other info, do write.

Kishore Shah 1974