can't believe it either

[Guest guest]

Hi Everybody,

I think I must be in shock or something. It

is less than one month until the explant. I go over

the scenario in my head over and over again. The scenario is how I was quite

healthy prior to implants but sick two months later. I ask myself these

questions all day long, and I mean all day longer. It’s exhausting.

The questions I ask myself to which there

are no answers:

Why out of 5 girls that I know, am I the

only one who got sick?

Will my hair stop falling out?

Is it falling out for some other unknown

reason?

Will my hair grow back?

Will I recover?

Will I be able to go back to the way I was

before and not be a slave to thyroid medication at supraphysiologic

dosages?

Will I then be able to overcome this stubborn

systemic candida infection?

Is it really possible to be ME again after

all I have put myself through?

Will I be able to live up to the standards

and demands my husband is putting upon me once the implants are out?

                   Will

I then be able to give him dinner, sex , conversation

and a bedtime not before 10pm?

Will I stop being so debilitated by this

tiredness?

I look forward to what I see as the

beginning of a new life for me. I want to be me. I don’t want to give up

control of my health to foreign objects.

On the other side of the coin though, they

look good in a dress. OH BOY!!

But what I have allowed them to take from

me was not only my health, it has been valuable time spent with my children,

especially the little one, she is only 3 ½. . I have given up valuable time to

spend with my husband. We’ve grown apart somewhat because of the health

problems. I think he is in some type of mourning also about losing the boobs,

even though he knows we’ve tried everything else to get me healthy, so

this must be done.

I was feeling pretty lost today so I went

to ’s secret and bought three new bras, size A. I just had to

have them. I need to have something to hold on to. I don’t exactly know

why I need to have those bra’s right now. I know

it’s a psychological thing because my mind is in such turmoil over this.

Yeah, one of the hardest things ever in my

life…..BUT it could be much worse, much worse. My husband and children

are fine and that’s what matters.

I’m getting alittle

bit more freaked out as the days pass. I know I am not making a mistake with

the explant but every once in awhile I have this

little voice of doubt that tells me I am going to be freaking sick anyway, so

what’s the point. I hope that voice is wrong.

Dawn

Dawn