Guest guest Posted December 3, 2004 Report Share Posted December 3, 2004 To everyone who wrote back to me, I thank you! I'm sorry I do not post more often, but I am a busy college student just trying to get through the end of the semester. Hopefully, I'll be able to post more once break starts. I've received many different opinions on what I should do. I guess I cannot really know for sure if he was the love of my life---I only thought he was, and yes, that DEFINITELY makes things more stressful. I think a lot of the time, I get sad only because for whatever reason, I continue to believe such thoughts as, " I hate him " , " He ruined my life " , " No one will ever love me again " , " He doesn't care about me " , " He is a jack@$$ " , ETC., ETC. The stressful, depressing thoughts never end. The fact of the matter is...how could any of those be true if he loves me unconditionally? (As says.) One fact I know to be true (because he told me so) is that he does care about me still. We broke up because he felt (as a college freshman) that he needs to grow by himself---that it wasn't fair for me to be with him when he couldn't treat me like I deserve to be treated & how he was so immature. Life has been VERY rough for me, because I loved him so much. We've talked a few times since the break up almost two months ago, and each time he says how much he misses me, but knows that this is the right thing for him to do right now. I must admit, I can see why he did what he did, but my self-esteem has always been low, and so my mind starts thinking other things--- starts believing those cruel little ideas that bring nothing but pain. To be forgiving of him---to not believe those cruel little thoughts---THAT brings me peace. To continue to think those cruel little thoughts, (and believe them) THAT brings me stress. All I want is freedom from this cage of pain, hurt, suffering, unhappiness and depression. Anyone got any more suggestions? Always, Liz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2004 Report Share Posted December 4, 2004 Dearest Liz, compares this lying little voice in our head with a PR-agent. It´s job is to make up as many stories as possible. And we don´t have much choice than to believe them. But, as you already discovered, there is inquiry. This is a way to find out whether the stories are true or not and to get peace of mind aswell. So, some of the thoughts in your post (wich are mine too of course) I would like to inquire are: My stressful thoughts will never end. Is it true? I don´t know. It sure feels so sometimes. Can you absolutely know this is true? No, I can´t. How do you react when you think that thought? I feel stress. I imagine a terrible future. My stomach hurts. Everything just feels hopeless. Who would you be without that thought? The same as I was before it poped into my head. Calm and relaxed. No worries about the future. TA: My stressful thoughts will end. Could be as true. Or truer if you see a thought as ended as soon as you have stoped thinking it. Yes, there I go. Just take one thought at a time, because there will never be more than that. Oh, such a relief! I new that, I just had to remind myself. Life has been very rough to me. Is it true? Sometimes, yes. Can you absolutely know it is true that life has been rough? Hmm, in fact, no. Life has been, that´s true. Rough is a stressful story. Interesting. (I know " life has been " is just another story, but I won´t work on that now). How do you react when you attach to this lie that life has been very rough to you? I feel like a victim. I feel very sorry for myself. I blame the people that made my life so rough. I feel sad and angry and I think life is so unfair. I imagine how much better things could have been if things would have been different, and that is very, very stressful. Who would you be if you no longer could believe this lie? Free. Happy and satisfied with my life, from the moment I was born until this very second. And that would be a relief beyond words. TA: Life hasn´t been very rough to me. Truer. As I said before, life has been, innocent like a flower, the rest is stories my brain made up about things that happened. My thoughts have been very rough to me. Yes, truer. I understand that the suffering were created in my mind by my thoughts and I also understand that they where as innocent as everything else. Well, that´s all for now. Liz, you wanted suggestions. I wouldn´t start with forgivingness or trying not to think those cruel little things, because of the simple reason that it never worked for me or anyone else I know of. I would write down every pityful, mean, blaming, judging, thought in my head and then inquire. Don´t worry about being nice and forgive right now. I wish you all the best and thank you so much for inspiering me to do my own work. All my love, > > To everyone who wrote back to me, I thank you! I'm sorry I do not > post more often, but I am a busy college student just trying to get > through the end of the semester. Hopefully, I'll be able to post > more once break starts. > > I've received many different opinions on what I should do. I guess I > cannot really know for sure if he was the love of my life---I only > thought he was, and yes, that DEFINITELY makes things more > stressful. > > I think a lot of the time, I get sad only because for whatever > reason, I continue to believe such thoughts as, " I hate him " , " He > ruined my life " , " No one will ever love me again " , " He doesn't care > about me " , " He is a jack@$$ " , ETC., ETC. The stressful, depressing > thoughts never end. The fact of the matter is...how could any of > those be true if he loves me unconditionally? (As says.) One > fact I know to be true (because he told me so) is that he does care > about me still. We broke up because he felt (as a college freshman) > that he needs to grow by himself---that it wasn't fair for me to be > with him when he couldn't treat me like I deserve to be treated & > how he was so immature. Life has been VERY rough for me, because I > loved him so much. We've talked a few times since the break up > almost two months ago, and each time he says how much he misses me, > but knows that this is the right thing for him to do right now. > > I must admit, I can see why he did what he did, but my self-esteem > has always been low, and so my mind starts thinking other things--- > starts believing those cruel little ideas that bring nothing but > pain. To be forgiving of him---to not believe those cruel little > thoughts---THAT brings me peace. To continue to think those cruel > little thoughts, (and believe them) THAT brings me stress. > > All I want is freedom from this cage of pain, hurt, suffering, > unhappiness and depression. Anyone got any more suggestions? > > Always, > Liz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 4, 2004 Report Share Posted December 4, 2004 *Dear* Liz, > To everyone who wrote back to me, I thank you! I'm sorry I do not post > more often, Don't be sorry for that! ;-) > but I am a busy college student just trying to get through the end of > the semester. Hopefully, I'll be able to post more once break starts. > > I've received many different opinions on what I should do. I guess I > cannot really know for sure if he was the love of my life---I only > thought he was, and yes, that DEFINITELY makes things more stressful. > I think a lot of the time, I get sad only because for whatever reason, > I continue to believe such thoughts as, " I hate him " , " He ruined my > life " , " No one will ever love me again " , " He doesn't care about me " , > " He is a jack@$$ " , ETC., ETC. The stressful, depressing thoughts never > end. Well... thoughts come, thoughts go. You are the one who labels them. Inquire. You *hate* him. - Is that true? Is it *really* true? I hear that you want him to be with you. You call that hate? " he ruined my life. " ... Liz, is your life really ruined? Can you *know* that? What a powerful guy! Ruins your life by ... doing what? What did he do to *ruin* your life? What is it you would *love* him to do? What do you want from him? > The fact of the matter is... > how could any of those be true if he loves me unconditionally? Liz, his love is not your buisness. Turn that around. > (As says.) One fact I know to be true (because he told me so) is > that he does care about me still. Yes, and it just isn't enough, is it? Liz, who's buisness is it whom *you* love? And who's buisness is it whom *he* loves? What do you need his love for? To get what? Feel better? Skip him! Fell better from the spot. " I don't know what to *do* without him. " - Is that true? - No, I get up, brush my teeth, do the dishes, go to college... You seem to know perfectly what to do without him. Even without his love. > We broke up because he felt (as a college freshman) that he needs to > grow by himself---that it wasn't fair for me to be with him when he > couldn't treat me like I deserve to be treated & how he was so > immature. And that's *his* story. He loves it. Do you want to take that away from him? > Life has been VERY rough for me, because I loved him so much. Now *life* has been rough to you! Can you give an example? > We've talked a few times since the break up almost two months ago, and > each time he says how much he misses me, but knows that this is the > right thing for him to do right now. > I must admit, I can see why he did what he did, And it's none of your buisness. > but my self-esteem has always been low, *always* - is *that* true? Can you find a point of your life where it hasn't? The mind can be *very* succesful at finding proofs for *any* thought you have, even that of the low self-esteem. > and so my mind starts thinking other things--- yes, that is it's job. > starts believing those cruel little ideas that bring nothing but pain. > To be forgiving of him---to not believe those cruel little > thoughts---THAT brings me peace. > To continue to think those cruel little thoughts, (and believe them) > THAT brings me stress. Yes, good that you noticed. And " to forgive " means to realize that nothing has happened in the first place. > All I want is freedom from this cage of pain, hurt, suffering, > unhappiness and depression. Anyone got any more suggestions? Yes. Inquire, dear. Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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