Re: jealousy, insecurity and betrayal

[Guest guest]

obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my teenage

years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then girlfriend

cheated

on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a wound that

has never healed.

IIT?

i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true enough.

CIAKIT?

no.

WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i can not

know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who i am. i

want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money, better

looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see others as better

than

me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for me.

CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like that!

WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that what she

thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her story and i

could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much she loves me

or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never think " i'm

not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only for what i am

not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough. i can

sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't even know!

TA's

i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else. this could

be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with, at least

for now.

my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate myself and

believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough for me. when

my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone else's

thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where is my own

sense of

LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as well. i love

her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however, sometimes i

don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always forgivable to me.

but

that's another worksheet.

any comments are appreciated!

love,

jeremy

[Guest guest]

I have a client who is rude to me.. and so i feel she prefers other

caregivers... Ive had this story for many years.. of not being good

enough.. i did a work sheet but wasnt getting very far.. i like yours

better...

I would only add when i think that thought for me.. i am comparing and

judging and jealous of other people and they become the enemy..

if i could never think this thought again..

I would have my power back.. and not be dependent on anothers opinon..

and in my own business.. i wish i was there..

I like your TAS.. also " she is not good enough.. " is true in that

she cant make you happy.. only you can...

thanks love, roslyn

> obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

>

> this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my

teenage

> years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then

girlfriend cheated

> on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a

wound that

> has never healed.

>

> IIT?

> i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true enough.

>

> CIAKIT?

> no.

>

> WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

> hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i

can not

> know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

>

> HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

> it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who i

am. i

> want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money,

better

> looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see others

as better than

> me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

> unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

>

> IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

> no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for me.

>

> CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

> yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like that!

>

> WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

> so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that what

she

> thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her

story and i

> could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much

she loves me

> or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never

think " i'm

> not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only for

what i am

> not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough.

i can

> sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't

even know!

>

> TA's

>

> i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else.

this could

> be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with,

at least

> for now.

>

> my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate

myself and

> believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough for

me. when

> my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone else's

> thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where

is my own sense of

> LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

>

> she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as well.

i love

> her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however,

sometimes i

> don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always

forgivable to me. but

> that's another worksheet.

>

> any comments are appreciated!

>

> love,

> jeremy

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

TAmi.. well written.. Its impossible for anyone to love just one

person when you think about it..

KAtie has a video.. resentment and jealousy.. thats good..

love, roslyn

-- In Loving-what-is , Tamar Fattal <tamar_fa@0...> wrote:

> sweet

>

> I don't know what to say...

> I just wanted to share with you something I feel lately.

>

> Since I came to this group

> something happened to my heart

> it grew and grew and grew.

> I am in love with more than one man here

> love just flood me. And I love you too very much.

> I don't have a boyfriend at the moment

> so I guess it is " all right " to feel all these emotions.

> But, than what if I would have boyfriend,

> would it be wrong to love you, Steve, , as well?

> One thing is for sure: I don't control my heart!

> I don't choose who I love

> I don't choose who I hate.

> I love loving, it makes me feel good,

> I have falling in love here with some man

> and I guess, if I had Zigi on my side

> all this great love I feel, will be labeled as " cheating " .

>

> You are talking about: acting on your feeling.

> it is one thing to love

> and another thing to have sex with someone.

>

> And I can see why it is painful

> I would want my boyfriend to be loyal to me

> and to think that I am the only women for him.

>

> What do I know?

> I just love you

> and think that you are funny

> smart and sensitive.

>

> Tami

>

>

>

>

> -- jealousy, insecurity and betrayal

>

> hello again,

>

> i have some pretty uncomfortable thoughts running around inside my

head at

> the moment. and reading tami's, christina's and maria's posts have

> inspired

> me to write them out, i suppose!

>

> i have this thing about cheating. whenever i'm involved in a romantic

> relationship, as i am now, i have a constant nagging fear of being

cheated

> on. i

> have quite a history of being cheated on, and i know well the

excruciating

> pain of being left behind for another person. i'm so afraid of this

> happening,

> that i feel deep and cruel jealousy whenever other men flirt with my

> girlfriend Renata (and all the others from the past), which happens

all the

> time!

> in fact, the reason i'm writing this is because Renata just

returned from

> an

> out-of-state bachelorette party, and told me about some guy that

wouldn't

> leave her alone all night until she would dance with him. i try as

hard as

> i can

> not to show it and to be nonchalant, but this causes feelings of

raging

> insecurity inside me. so...i have to try to make a dent in this.

oh, and

> lovetheworkofBK?...here's your opportunity to say " i told you so " ; )

>

> women shouldn't cheat on me.

> IIT? yes. it's a very selfish and hurtful and cruel thing to do.

>

> WHAT'S THE REALITY OF IT?

> well, in the past, women have cheated on me.

>

> WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I BELIEVE THIS THOUGHT?

> theirs/hers. i'm trying to control what they do, how they feel.

this is a

>

> hard and painful job, with little appreciation and zero pay!

>

> HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS THOUGHT?

> i become disgusting to myself. i hate the way i dance around

conversation,

>

> trying to pick out little pieces of information to support this

belief. i

> become quite manipulative, in a very bumbling way. i live in fear and

> insecurity. my thoughts just circle endlessly around in my head.

i can't

> be at

> peace. worried, anxiety-ridden. sometimes i can't eat or sleep. it's

> such a

> sad, hollow, empty feeling. i feel completely powerless, like my whole

> life

> balances on the point of weather or not she " really " loves me. i

become

> consumed by this fear, and then it eventually comes true. then i

feel that

> i am

> defective in some way--i am not good enough. there is something

wrong with

> me

> that she (whoever " she " is at the time) would betray me.

>

> IS THERE A PEACFULL REASON TO KEEP THIS BELIEF?

> no way.

>

> CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET IT GO?

> yes, without it i would not experience the pain of it. i would be

at peace

>

>

>

> WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS THOUGHT/FEAR?

> free of it, and that is a big deal. i could " loosen my grip " . i

would be

> much more relaxed and open and fun and spontaneous. i could see

that she

> is a

> very beautiful and attractive woman and of course she will draw

attention

> from other guys. guys are guys...we do what we do! maybe i could

just be

> okay

> with that. and then if the dreaded hook-up happens, maybe i would

just

> leave, move on instead of trying to bend reality. at least i wouldn't

> think i

> was to blame for it somehow. i would be much more confident and

secure in

> myself, and my relationships. i would love that.

>

> TA's

>

> women should cheat on me. hmmm. it has been reality in the past,

so i

> guess...

>

> i shouldn't cheat on women. true. i shouldn't cheat in my mind,

although

> i

> do sometimes(maybe that's my real fear. i want to be the one and

only...i

> don't even want her thinking about other guys. hopeless).

>

> i shouldn't cheat on me. this is true. i cheat myself out of

happiness

> when i'm obsessing over and trying to control the very thoughts my

> girlfriend

> may or may not be having. i cheat myself out of my own self worth

when i

> believe i am not good enough. i cheat myself out of real love when

i am

> only

> looking for how i don't have it.

>

> okay thought...i did the work...now give me some instant

gratification..

> let

> go!

>

> just a little joke there.

>

> any amount of help here is greatly appreciated!

>

> love,

> jeremy

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks tami.. that has always been my favorite katie example.. of her

talking to the flower.. and telling a yellow flower it should be

red.. or something like that.. or that it should bloom..

thanks for reminding me.. love, roslyn

> > obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

> >

> > this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my

> teenage

> > years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then

> girlfriend cheated

> > on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a

> wound that

> > has never healed.

> >

> > IIT?

> > i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true

enough.

> >

> > CIAKIT?

> > no.

> >

> > WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

> > hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i

> can not

> > know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

> >

> > HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

> > it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who i

> am. i

> > want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money,

> better

> > looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see others

> as better than

> > me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

> > unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

> >

> > IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

> > no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for me.

> >

> > CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

> > yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like that!

> >

> > WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

> > so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that what

> she

> > thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her

> story and i

> > could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much

> she loves me

> > or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never

> think " i'm

> > not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only for

> what i am

> > not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough.

> i can

> > sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't

> even know!

> >

> > TA's

> >

> > i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else.

> this could

> > be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with,

> at least

> > for now.

> >

> > my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate

> myself and

> > believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough for

> me. when

> > my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone else's

> > thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where

> is my own sense of

> > LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

> >

> > she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as well.

> i love

> > her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however,

> sometimes i

> > don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always

> forgivable to me. but

> > that's another worksheet.

> >

> > any comments are appreciated!

> >

> > love,

> > jeremy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

sweet

I don't know what to say...

I just wanted to share with you something I feel lately.

Since I came to this group

something happened to my heart

it grew and grew and grew.

I am in love with more than one man here

love just flood me. And I love you too very much.

I don't have a boyfriend at the moment

so I guess it is " all right " to feel all these emotions.

But, than what if I would have boyfriend,

would it be wrong to love you, Steve, , as well?

One thing is for sure: I don't control my heart!

I don't choose who I love

I don't choose who I hate.

I love loving, it makes me feel good,

I have falling in love here with some man

and I guess, if I had Zigi on my side

all this great love I feel, will be labeled as " cheating " .

You are talking about: acting on your feeling.

it is one thing to love

and another thing to have sex with someone.

And I can see why it is painful

I would want my boyfriend to be loyal to me

and to think that I am the only women for him.

What do I know?

I just love you

and think that you are funny

smart and sensitive.

Tami

-- jealousy, insecurity and betrayal

hello again,

i have some pretty uncomfortable thoughts running around inside my head at

the moment. and reading tami's, christina's and maria's posts have

inspired

me to write them out, i suppose!

i have this thing about cheating. whenever i'm involved in a romantic

relationship, as i am now, i have a constant nagging fear of being cheated

on. i

have quite a history of being cheated on, and i know well the excruciating

pain of being left behind for another person. i'm so afraid of this

happening,

that i feel deep and cruel jealousy whenever other men flirt with my

girlfriend Renata (and all the others from the past), which happens all the

time!

in fact, the reason i'm writing this is because Renata just returned from

an

out-of-state bachelorette party, and told me about some guy that wouldn't

leave her alone all night until she would dance with him. i try as hard as

i can

not to show it and to be nonchalant, but this causes feelings of raging

insecurity inside me. so...i have to try to make a dent in this. oh, and

lovetheworkofBK?...here's your opportunity to say " i told you so " ; )

women shouldn't cheat on me.

IIT? yes. it's a very selfish and hurtful and cruel thing to do.

WHAT'S THE REALITY OF IT?

well, in the past, women have cheated on me.

WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I BELIEVE THIS THOUGHT?

theirs/hers. i'm trying to control what they do, how they feel. this is a

hard and painful job, with little appreciation and zero pay!

HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS THOUGHT?

i become disgusting to myself. i hate the way i dance around conversation,

trying to pick out little pieces of information to support this belief. i

become quite manipulative, in a very bumbling way. i live in fear and

insecurity. my thoughts just circle endlessly around in my head. i can't

be at

peace. worried, anxiety-ridden. sometimes i can't eat or sleep. it's

such a

sad, hollow, empty feeling. i feel completely powerless, like my whole

life

balances on the point of weather or not she " really " loves me. i become

consumed by this fear, and then it eventually comes true. then i feel that

i am

defective in some way--i am not good enough. there is something wrong with

me

that she (whoever " she " is at the time) would betray me.

IS THERE A PEACFULL REASON TO KEEP THIS BELIEF?

no way.

CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET IT GO?

yes, without it i would not experience the pain of it. i would be at peace

WHO WOULD I BE WITHOUT THIS THOUGHT/FEAR?

free of it, and that is a big deal. i could " loosen my grip " . i would be

much more relaxed and open and fun and spontaneous. i could see that she

is a

very beautiful and attractive woman and of course she will draw attention

from other guys. guys are guys...we do what we do! maybe i could just be

okay

with that. and then if the dreaded hook-up happens, maybe i would just

leave, move on instead of trying to bend reality. at least i wouldn't

think i

was to blame for it somehow. i would be much more confident and secure in

myself, and my relationships. i would love that.

TA's

women should cheat on me. hmmm. it has been reality in the past, so i

guess...

i shouldn't cheat on women. true. i shouldn't cheat in my mind, although

i

do sometimes(maybe that's my real fear. i want to be the one and only...i

don't even want her thinking about other guys. hopeless).

i shouldn't cheat on me. this is true. i cheat myself out of happiness

when i'm obsessing over and trying to control the very thoughts my

girlfriend

may or may not be having. i cheat myself out of my own self worth when i

believe i am not good enough. i cheat myself out of real love when i am

only

looking for how i don't have it.

okay thought...i did the work...now give me some instant gratification..

let

go!

just a little joke there.

any amount of help here is greatly appreciated!

love,

jeremy

[Guest guest]

, my love

you wrote:

" obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her). "

I would drop the " good enough " part and just say:

I am not for her. period.

there is no such thing as good enough

not good enough, compare to what?

compare to the other guy she cheated with?

So, she have sex with X and that means that he is better than you?

that is a painful story!!!

She had sex with him, it doesn't mean anything.

You are so precious. PERIOD.

Look in the nature:

a cat have sex with another cat

than he has sex with a deferent cat.

It is what it is.

The first cat wouldn't have the thought (I hope):

I am not as good as the other cat, he cheated on me.

in nature, you can see that cheating, and good enough are

ridiculous stories. Well guess what, we are not so deferent than the cats

we do what we do until we don't.

(lovethework, I hear you - grrrrrr)

and your preciousness has anything to do with you

having / not having a girlfriend

You don't see how mazing you are, no matter what

so you seek for proofs in the outside

one proof of your self value is to see

how much your girlfriend is cheating on you

" As long as you look outside for reassurance

reality will always take you back home " . (Tami)

" I know that the whole world loves me.

They may just have not realized it yet. " ()

I love you sweety

Tami

-- Re: jealousy, insecurity and betrayal

obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my teenage

years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then girlfriend

cheated

on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a wound

that

has never healed.

IIT?

i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true enough.

CIAKIT?

no.

WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i can not

know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who i am. i

want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money, better

looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see others as

better than

me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for me.

CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like that!

WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that what she

thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her story and

i

could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much she loves

me

or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never think " i

m

not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only for what i

am

not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough. i can

sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't even

know!

TA's

i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else. this could

be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with, at least

for now.

my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate myself and

believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough for me.

when

my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone else's

thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where is my own

sense of

LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as well. i love

her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however, sometimes i

don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always forgivable to me.

but

that's another worksheet.

any comments are appreciated!

love,

jeremy

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

The thoughts that came up for me with your work are related to the core beliefs

- ' it is possible to lose someone' or 'it is possible to possess/have someone'.

When I did work on a former lover who was deciding to be someone else I found

alot of freedom in doing the work on whether or not I had 'lost' this person

from my life/to someone else. Also, being 'cheated' on...what exactly does that

mean? I was 'cheated' on....it reminds me of my own work on betrayal and loss.

I loved it when I heard say that betrayal is nothing more than someone

living their own path and not asking for my permission! Gotta love the holes

that those words blew in my whole 'betrayal' story...

Thanks for your work and good luck in questioning this whole beg fat lie that

anyone can ever cheat on us or betray us...

Cheers,

Cheers

jmknapp74@... wrote:

obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my teenage

years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then girlfriend

cheated

on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a wound that

has never healed.

IIT?

i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true enough.

CIAKIT?

no.

WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i can not

know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who i am. i

want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money, better

looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see others as better

than

me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for me.

CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like that!

WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that what she

thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her story and i

could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much she loves me

or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never think " i'm

not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only for what i am

not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough. i can

sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't even know!

TA's

i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else. this could

be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with, at least

for now.

my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate myself and

believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough for me. when

my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone else's

thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where is my own

sense of

LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as well. i love

her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however, sometimes i

don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always forgivable to me.

but

that's another worksheet.

any comments are appreciated!

love,

jeremy

[Guest guest]

Dear Tami,

I loved what you wrote her for . Tami said:

" Well guess what, we are not so deferent than the cats

we do what we do until we don't. "

I had an interesting experience a few weeks ago while observing a

colony of feral cats that we are feeding. A young female went into

heat for the first time and her older brothers were after her

incessantly. I had so many stories about how this was not right and

that they should leave her alone. I began having stories like: " If

they were humans this would be considered child molestation, incest,

rape, etc. " After entertaining this story for awhile, I began to

find that I did not like these cats (stressful feeling) as much as I

did before (think, feel, act, have). One day, I shared this sotry

with my wife, Gail and she replied, " You too? " She had the same

story (no new stories). We immediately began to question our

thinking on this subject and began laughing. Of course, we were

arguing with reality and it hurt. Cats/people do what they do until

they don't and they are not really the doers, they are all merely

players in our mental play and then we resent it when they follow the

script. Observing this colony of cats and doing the work on my

thinking has helped me to be more clear about other people.

After doing the work on this, I began to see how the young female

would not allow the males to leave her alone. I began to see how it

was play for them and she instigated it about as often as the males

did. I found that this story was less stressful. It is probably

another step closer to reality, I was not seeing a problem, but I was

seeing cats socializing with one another. Just like humans do.

Thanks dear Tami for reminding me about that experience.

Love, Steve D.

> " obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her). "

>

> I would drop the " good enough " part and just say:

>

> I am not for her. period.

>

> there is no such thing as good enough

> not good enough, compare to what?

> compare to the other guy she cheated with?

> So, she have sex with X and that means that he is better than you?

> that is a painful story!!!

> She had sex with him, it doesn't mean anything.

> You are so precious. PERIOD.

>

> Look in the nature:

> a cat have sex with another cat

> than he has sex with a deferent cat.

> It is what it is.

> The first cat wouldn't have the thought (I hope):

> I am not as good as the other cat, he cheated on me.

> in nature, you can see that cheating, and good enough are

> ridiculous stories. Well guess what, we are not so deferent than

the cats

> we do what we do until we don't.

> (lovethework, I hear you - grrrrrr)

>

> and your preciousness has anything to do with you

> having / not having a girlfriend

>

> You don't see how mazing you are, no matter what

> so you seek for proofs in the outside

> one proof of your self value is to see

> how much your girlfriend is cheating on you

>

> " As long as you look outside for reassurance

> reality will always take you back home " . (Tami)

>

> " I know that the whole world loves me.

> They may just have not realized it yet. " ()

>

> I love you sweety

>

> Tami

>

>

> -- Re: jealousy, insecurity and betrayal

>

> obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

>

> this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my

teenage

> years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then

girlfriend

> cheated

> on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a

wound

> that

> has never healed.

>

> IIT?

> i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true

enough.

>

> CIAKIT?

> no.

>

> WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

> hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i

can not

> know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

>

> HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

> it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who

i am. i

> want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money,

better

> looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see

others as

> better than

> me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

> unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

>

> IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

> no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for

me.

>

> CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

> yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like

that!

>

> WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

> so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that

what she

> thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her

story and

> i

> could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much

she loves

> me

> or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never

think " i

> m

> not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only

for what i

> am

> not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough.

i can

> sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't

even

> know!

>

> TA's

>

> i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else.

this could

> be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with,

at least

>

> for now.

>

> my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate

myself and

> believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough

for me.

> when

> my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone

else's

> thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where

is my own

> sense of

> LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

>

> she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as

well. i love

> her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however,

sometimes i

> don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always

forgivable to me.

> but

> that's another worksheet.

>

> any comments are appreciated!

>

> love,

> jeremy

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

You wrote:

" obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her). "

Tami wrote:

" I would drop the " good enough " part and just say:

I am not for her. period. "

What if you drop the " not " ?

" I am for her. "

Or what if you drop the " for her " ?

" I am not. "

Or what if you drop the " not for her " ?

" I am " .

Does any of the above sound as true or truer than your original

belief? Or which of the above sounds the most true for you?

Just some of my thoughts, Steve D.

> " obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her). "

>

> I would drop the " good enough " part and just say:

>

> I am not for her. period.

>

> there is no such thing as good enough

> not good enough, compare to what?

> compare to the other guy she cheated with?

> So, she have sex with X and that means that he is better than you?

> that is a painful story!!!

> She had sex with him, it doesn't mean anything.

> You are so precious. PERIOD.

>

> Look in the nature:

> a cat have sex with another cat

> than he has sex with a deferent cat.

> It is what it is.

> The first cat wouldn't have the thought (I hope):

> I am not as good as the other cat, he cheated on me.

> in nature, you can see that cheating, and good enough are

> ridiculous stories. Well guess what, we are not so deferent than

the cats

> we do what we do until we don't.

> (lovethework, I hear you - grrrrrr)

>

> and your preciousness has anything to do with you

> having / not having a girlfriend

>

> You don't see how mazing you are, no matter what

> so you seek for proofs in the outside

> one proof of your self value is to see

> how much your girlfriend is cheating on you

>

> " As long as you look outside for reassurance

> reality will always take you back home " . (Tami)

>

> " I know that the whole world loves me.

> They may just have not realized it yet. " ()

>

> I love you sweety

>

> Tami

>

>

> -- Re: jealousy, insecurity and betrayal

>

> obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

>

> this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my

teenage

> years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then

girlfriend

> cheated

> on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a

wound

> that

> has never healed.

>

> IIT?

> i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true

enough.

>

> CIAKIT?

> no.

>

> WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR SOMEONE?

> hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i

can not

> know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

>

> HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

> it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate who

i am. i

> want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money,

better

> looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see

others as

> better than

> me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless and

> unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

>

> IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

> no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for

me.

>

> CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

> yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like

that!

>

> WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

> so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that

what she

> thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her

story and

> i

> could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much

she loves

> me

> or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could never

think " i

> m

> not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only

for what i

> am

> not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good enough.

i can

> sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't

even

> know!

>

> TA's

>

> i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else.

this could

> be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with,

at least

>

> for now.

>

> my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate

myself and

> believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough

for me.

> when

> my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone

else's

> thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where

is my own

> sense of

> LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

>

> she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as

well. i love

> her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however,

sometimes i

> don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always

forgivable to me.

> but

> that's another worksheet.

>

> any comments are appreciated!

>

> love,

> jeremy

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Tami,

You said:

" I had like to see my self

as a late bloomer flower

and I am as beautiful as anyone else here. "

Of course, you are as beutiful as anyone else, but in no way could

you be " late " . You are just a " bloomer " like the lovely flowers.

There is no such thing as " late " , no mistakes, perfect.

Love, Steve D.

> > obvious core belief: i am not good enough (for her).

> >

> > this belief has nagged me for as long as i can remember. in my

> teenage

> > years this belief had me thinking about suicide after my then

> girlfriend cheated

> > on me and left me. i was absolutely devastated and it has left a

> wound that

> > has never healed.

> >

> > IIT?

> > i can't know it to be true. if i believe it though, it's true

enough.

> >

> > CIAKIT?

> > no.

> >

> > WHO'S BUSINESS AM I IN WHEN I NEED TO BE " GOOD ENOUGH " FOR

SOMEONE?

> > hers. i need to know that in her thoughts i am " good enough " . i

> can not

> > know what she is thinking or how she is feeling of me.

> >

> > HOW DO I LIVE WHEN I BELIEVE THIS?

> > it's hard to even describe. i hate myself. literally i hate

who i

> am. i

> > want to die. i wish i was someone else. someone with more money,

> better

> > looks, anything. i compare myself to others, and always see

others

> as better than

> > me. this becomes my reality. i feel disgusting and worthless

and

> > unlovable. i certainly don't love me when i believe this.

> >

> > IS THERE A PEACFUL REASON TO BELIEVE " I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH " ?

> > no, none at all. the belief itself is the opposite of peace for

me.

> >

> > CAN I SEE A GOOD REASON TO LET GO OF THIS THOUGHT?

> > yes! i would love nothing more than to LAUGH at a thought like

that!

> >

> > WHO WOULD I BE IF I COULD NEVER THINK THIS THOUGHT AGAIN?

> > so much more peaceful. happy with who i am. i could see that

what

> she

> > thinks/feels about me really has nothing to do with me. it's her

> story and i

> > could happily let her have her story of me, weather it's how much

> she loves me

> > or how much she doesn't. if i TRULY loved myself, and could

never

> think " i'm

> > not good enough " i would see me for who and what i AM, not only

for

> what i am

> > not, what i have lost, what i could lose if i am not good

enough.

> i can

> > sense how stressful and deep this belief is. without it, i don't

> even know!

> >

> > TA's

> >

> > i am good enough (for her). she is with me, not someone else.

> this could

> > be a little *clue* that she feels that i'm good enough to be with,

> at least

> > for now.

> >

> > my thoughts are not good enough. this is so true. when i hate

> myself and

> > believe i am not good enough, that is DEFINATELY not good enough

for

> me. when

> > my sense of worth and happiness depends completely on someone

else's

> > thoughts/feelings/opinions of me, that is not good enough. where

> is my own sense of

> > LOVE for myself? i sure hope to realize it someday.

> >

> > she is not good enough. well, this is true, and it's not as

well.

> i love

> > her, and sometimes the love i feel is overwhelming. however,

> sometimes i

> > don't think she treats me good enough. but that's always

> forgivable to me. but

> > that's another worksheet.

> >

> > any comments are appreciated!

> >

> > love,

> > jeremy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >