Re: Sex worksheets - Heidi

[Guest guest]

Dear Heidi:

Here are some thoughts that came to me regarding your work on sex:

You said: " I am disappointed in you because you want me to be more

than i am. "

TA: I am disappointed in me because I want me to be less than I am.

TA: I am disappointed in me because I want you to be more than you

are.

If you ask me to have sex with you and I either want to or I don't.

So I either say yes, let's do it!

Or I say, yes, let's do it, but here is how I want the act(s)

performed I want you to do (a., b., c., etc.), or I say I love you,

and I hear you and No. Unless, I am running a story that I need

something from you. If I think my saying no will cost me something

then I should be doing The Work on that underlying believe.

In my humble opinion, your " so called problem " has nothing

whatsoever, to do with having sex or not having sex. It is the

erroneous belief that you " need something " or could " get something "

from someone else.

Heidi: I'm disappointed in me b/c i don't want to have sex more often.

SD: This is obviously hopeless. You can not want anything more than

you want it.

Heidi: I should be able to turn on my sexual desire to match my

partner's.

SD: This is obviously hopeless. You can not turn on or turn off any

desire more than you do. And, desires of any kind are the result of

unexamined thoughts (lies).

Heidi: I should not have any hangups about sex.

SD: I should not have any hangups about being unworthy of being

loved.

Heidi: I should not be so in my head and worried -- those kill the

sex drive.

SD: I need a " sex drive " , is that true?

Heidi: I need me to be more playful and lighthearted, the way i love

to be.

SD: Who would you be or how would you be without this thought?

Possibly more " playful and lighthearted " ?

Heidi: I am too uptight, too worried, too repressed, too fearful.

TA: My thinking is too uptight, too worried, too repressed, too

fearful.

Heidi: I don't ever want to be disappointed in myself again.

I don't ever want to feel disappointed in my partner again.

I don't ever want to feel unhappy and worried about sex again.

Sweetheart, " look forward to it, welcome it " . We are either

attaching to a belief or inquiring.

Heidi, you are just like the rest of us who have forgotten who we are

and are suffering from a simple case of " mistaken identity " which

makes us believe that we could need anything and that we are not in

total bliss at this very moment.

> I am disappointed in you because you want me to be more than i am.

>

> You should not want me to have sex more often.

> You should not equate me giving you a blow job with you giving me a

backrub.

> You should be happy with once or twice a week.

> You should understand there's other ways to make love.

> You should understand that my not wanting to have sex with you as

often as you want it

> doesn't mean i don't love you.

>

> I need you to be happy with me just as i am.

> I need you to appreciate me however i show up.

> I need you to be patient with my cyclical nature.

>

> You are overly sexualized, live in fantasy land, a big baby,

immature, want others to meet

> your needs.

>

> I don't ever want to feel your disappointment in my libido again.

> I dont' ever want to fear that your disappointment will make you

leave me again.

> I don't ever want to do something i'm not totally into just to

please you again.

>

> ------

>

> And on the flipside:

>

> I'm disappointed in me b/c i don't want to have sex more often.

>

> I should be able to turn on my sexual desire to match my partner's.

> I should not have any hangups about sex.

> I should not be so in my head and worried -- those kill the sex

drive.

>

> I need me to be more playful and lighthearted, the way i love to be.

>

> I am too uptight, too worried, too repressed, too fearful.

>

> I don't ever want to be disappointed in myself again.

> I don't ever want to feel disappointed in my partner again.

> I don't ever want to feel unhappy and worried about sex again.

[Guest guest]

Steve,

Thanks for all the turnarounds. I can jump to those too. Right now

my experience is that jumping right to the turnarounds is not going

very deeply and only experiencing the work on an intellectual level.

This stuff feels deep for me. Old somehow. I can't jump to the

endpoint.

Heidi

> > I am disappointed in you because you want me to be more than i

am.

> >

> > You should not want me to have sex more often.

> > You should not equate me giving you a blow job with you giving

me a

> backrub.

> > You should be happy with once or twice a week.

> > You should understand there's other ways to make love.

> > You should understand that my not wanting to have sex with you

as

> often as you want it

> > doesn't mean i don't love you.

> >

> > I need you to be happy with me just as i am.

> > I need you to appreciate me however i show up.

> > I need you to be patient with my cyclical nature.

> >

> > You are overly sexualized, live in fantasy land, a big baby,

> immature, want others to meet

> > your needs.

> >

> > I don't ever want to feel your disappointment in my libido again.

> > I dont' ever want to fear that your disappointment will make you

> leave me again.

> > I don't ever want to do something i'm not totally into just to

> please you again.

> >

> > ------

> >

> > And on the flipside:

> >

> > I'm disappointed in me b/c i don't want to have sex more often.

> >

> > I should be able to turn on my sexual desire to match my

partner's.

> > I should not have any hangups about sex.

> > I should not be so in my head and worried -- those kill the sex

> drive.

> >

> > I need me to be more playful and lighthearted, the way i love to

be.

> >

> > I am too uptight, too worried, too repressed, too fearful.

> >

> > I don't ever want to be disappointed in myself again.

> > I don't ever want to feel disappointed in my partner again.

> > I don't ever want to feel unhappy and worried about sex again.

[Guest guest]

Dear Heidi:

Yes, very old and deep. As I said: " Heidi, you are just like the

rest of us who have forgotten who we are and are suffering from a

simple case of " mistaken identity " which makes us believe that we

could need anything and that we are not in total bliss at this very

moment. "

In fact it is the oldest mistake there is. In fact, it is actually

the only mistake. There was a thought/lie that we could be separate

from God and we forgot to inquire/laugh. All other confusion comes

from that one mistake.

My experience is that, as you said, we can understand that

intellectually; however, until we can make it our reality, we will

not accept are true identity and " jumping " to a turn around has no

effect.

Blessings, Steve D.

> > > I am disappointed in you because you want me to be more than i

> am.

> > >

> > > You should not want me to have sex more often.

> > > You should not equate me giving you a blow job with you giving

> me a

> > backrub.

> > > You should be happy with once or twice a week.

> > > You should understand there's other ways to make love.

> > > You should understand that my not wanting to have sex with you

> as

> > often as you want it

> > > doesn't mean i don't love you.

> > >

> > > I need you to be happy with me just as i am.

> > > I need you to appreciate me however i show up.

> > > I need you to be patient with my cyclical nature.

> > >

> > > You are overly sexualized, live in fantasy land, a big baby,

> > immature, want others to meet

> > > your needs.

> > >

> > > I don't ever want to feel your disappointment in my libido

again.

> > > I dont' ever want to fear that your disappointment will make

you

> > leave me again.

> > > I don't ever want to do something i'm not totally into just to

> > please you again.

> > >

> > > ------

> > >

> > > And on the flipside:

> > >

> > > I'm disappointed in me b/c i don't want to have sex more often.

> > >

> > > I should be able to turn on my sexual desire to match my

> partner's.

> > > I should not have any hangups about sex.

> > > I should not be so in my head and worried -- those kill the sex

> > drive.

> > >

> > > I need me to be more playful and lighthearted, the way i love

to

> be.

> > >

> > > I am too uptight, too worried, too repressed, too fearful.

> > >

> > > I don't ever want to be disappointed in myself again.

> > > I don't ever want to feel disappointed in my partner again.

> > > I don't ever want to feel unhappy and worried about sex again.