Re: Afraid my partner will flip out, not be able to function

[Guest guest]

Dear Ann,

Am 25.08.2004 um 08:04 schrieb urmyprojection:

> I have tried to watch myself (how I react) when he is in a negative

> mood.

> It often starts with me noticing his face, the expression on his face

> (he gets tense and gets and intense look in his face. Not relaxed and

> not happy), or the way he eats (I label it " chewing with

> aggression " ), and he often warns me that he is in a horrible inner

> state. He warns me to be careful around him.

>

> Then my stomach tightens, and I feel like I have to be very careful

> around him, and I start feeling angry inside (and hopefully this is

> happening at home, so no one can witness it).

> He usually does not want any Help from me.

> He pushes me away.

> When I have tried to offer some positive or consoling words, he

> attacks back.

>

> He tells me that he is super scared that he will flip out in public.

> He says he has no control (sometimes).

> He says I should understand that he can not control his behaviour or

> his moods. (and I feel like negativity is a habit of his).

> Every morning he gets up with a headache and horrible thoughts. He

> also has horrible scarey dreams most nights and he wakes up usually 5

> times everynight.

> He has been suicidal many times. (Which also scares me)

Dear Ann, he tells you all these things. And can you *really* know them?

> I feel sorry for him. I wish he could be happy.

Yes, because you think you know what he feels like. And do you know how

*you* feel like? In that moment?

Turn it around.

> I have no solution for him.

>

> What I have learned from The Work is that I have to find my own peace

> in this situation. 

> I do ask myself " he is not supposed to be negative; Is it true? Can I

> really know that?    NO.

> How do I feel when I hold this belief?   HORRIBLE, SCARED, ANGRY,

> MANIPULATED, PRESSURE.....

> Who would I be if I did not hold the belief, my husband should not be

> negative/unstable/depressed...?   RELIEVED, AND A WITNESS.

Yes, while he is depressed. Picture him how he is

negative/unstable/depressed and see how you feel *in that situation*.

Who would you be if that thought would *never* occur to you again, that

*anyone* should not be negative/unstable/depressed - especially him?

Who is the one *really* depressed? about *his* depression?

Try to number six it.

> And I still have a really hard time dealing with this. 

> I still want to have a Happy partner.

What for? Whose buisness is you partner's happines?

I don't hear that you have one. And in my experience, if you *really*

wanted to have a happy partner, you would go and look for a happy

person and ask her to become your partner. I hear that you rather stay

with your *current* partner.

Turn it around.

> I want to have a partner who can take care of himself and be nice to

> me.

Yes, so you don't have to do your job. Turn it around.

> I want to have fun and not always a depressing/ angry / suicidal

> husband to deal with.

I hear that. And you stay with him.

How do I know what I want? - I've *got* it!

> I am spinning on this topic!

Put " my mind " in it.

> HELP!

> Ann

Love,

>

> > What to do when my partner is mentally unstable and I get afraid of

> > what will happen to us(especially me)!

> >

> > I have done the work over and over on this topic, and still it

> keeps

> > scaring me.  Help!

> >

> > So, what happens is that my partner has a history of being

> depressed,

> > negative, unstable, unable to deal with people, and overwhelmed by

> > simple daily things.

> >

> > He says he can not control his mind and he is also scared that he

> may

> > freak out.

> > I hate it when he gets in his black holes!

> > I hate having to control my behaviour so that I do not stress him.

> > I hate how he manipulates through his negativity.

> > I hate having an isolated life, because no one can come visit us in

> > our home, because he does not want to see anyone!

> >

> > I want him to function like a normal person and not be unstable.

> > I want him to be able to work at a normal job and earn money.

> >

> > He should not be depressed EVERYDAY! I am tired of his moods!

> > I am tired of his negativity and sensitivity!

> >

> > Conclusion:

> > I know that I can not change him nor can I Help him.

> > I know that I should stay out of his business and just work on my

> own

> > happiness, and I find it super hard.

> > This is the hardest thing for me to live with.

> >

> > I would love some positive insight into this topic.

> > Thank you family!

[Guest guest]

Wow, what an amazing mail you sent. You are right. I am staying with

him for security. If I am totally honest, I am staying with him for

some financial security and to not be " all alone, poor, and

struggling to make ends meet " .

I would rather live with a difficult person, than try to do

everything alone. I am scared of being on my own, and I have never

done it before in my life.

I am not ready to leave him.

I have thought about it and I get very threatened by that idea.

And I dream about being in a happy relationship (with myself).

I believe that my insecurities will fall away if I keep doing The

Work. So, The Work is my hope for happiness.

Thank you sooo much for your mail!

Ann

> >

> > And I still have a really hard time dealing with this.

> > I still want to have a Happy partner.

> > I want to have a partner who can take care of himself and be nice

> > to me.

> > I want to have fun and not always a depressing/ angry / suicidal

> > husband to deal with.

> >

>

> Ann maybe the truth will set you free. Lets play

>

> You say " I still want to have a Happy partner " . Obviously that is a

> lie. How do I know? Because you are living with a

depressed/suicidal

> husband. It will be true that you want a happy partner, when you

> leave your current husband and find a happy partner. Living

> (believing) a lie, any lie is very painful.

>

> Honestly you want your depressed/suicidal husband. How do I know

> that? Because you continue to live with him. When you don't want

him

> you will leave, get a divorce or go on permanent holiday.

>

> You stay with your depressed/suicidal husband for a reason. What is

> it? Does he offer you financial or emotional security? Is it for

his

> love, approval and appreciation?

>

> I say that if you stay with your depressed/suicidal husband, lets

do

> it honestly. Understand why you are there and what you are getting

> from it Maybe the deal is not so bad after all.

>

> Loving what is ...

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Thank you for your insights.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people in this group. And, I am so

grateful for !

What is coming up for me is that I feel to insecure to leave this

relationship.

This reminds me of my mother. My father was alcoholic and my mother

complained about my dad everyday, but she never left him. She was too

afraid to leave.

I seem to be just like my mom!

I did not see that in myself before today. Amazing!

I will continue to do The Work on this.

Thank you!

Ann

> > > What to do when my partner is mentally unstable and I get

afraid of

> > > what will happen to us(especially me)!

> > >

> > > I have done the work over and over on this topic, and still it

> > keeps

> > > scaring me.  Help!

> > >

> > > So, what happens is that my partner has a history of being

> > depressed,

> > > negative, unstable, unable to deal with people, and

overwhelmed by

> > > simple daily things.

> > >

> > > He says he can not control his mind and he is also scared that

he

> > may

> > > freak out.

> > > I hate it when he gets in his black holes!

> > > I hate having to control my behaviour so that I do not stress

him.

> > > I hate how he manipulates through his negativity.

> > > I hate having an isolated life, because no one can come visit

us in

> > > our home, because he does not want to see anyone!

> > >

> > > I want him to function like a normal person and not be

unstable.

> > > I want him to be able to work at a normal job and earn money.

> > >

> > > He should not be depressed EVERYDAY! I am tired of his moods!

> > > I am tired of his negativity and sensitivity!

> > >

> > > Conclusion:

> > > I know that I can not change him nor can I Help him.

> > > I know that I should stay out of his business and just work on

my

> > own

> > > happiness, and I find it super hard.

> > > This is the hardest thing for me to live with.

> > >

> > > I would love some positive insight into this topic.

> > > Thank you family!

[Guest guest]

> Wow, what an amazing mail you sent. You are right. I am staying

with

> him for security. If I am totally honest, I am staying with him for

> some financial security and to not be " all alone, poor, and

> struggling to make ends meet " .

> I would rather live with a difficult person, than try to do

> everything alone. I am scared of being on my own, and I have never

> done it before in my life.

>

> I am not ready to leave him.

> I have thought about it and I get very threatened by that idea.

> And I dream about being in a happy relationship (with myself).

> I believe that my insecurities will fall away if I keep doing The

> Work. So, The Work is my hope for happiness.

>

> Thank you sooo much for your mail!

> Ann

Ann isn't the truth grand

So now if someone asks why you are staying with your

depressed/suicidal husband, you can be honest and say that its for

financial security.

I want financial security more than I want a happy partner.

An honest life is a precious thing. As says, no one makes me do

anything. No one makes me go to my job every morning. I go to work

because I get something i.e. a pay check, something to do, contact

with others. No one makes me stay with my partner. I stay with her

because I get something i.e. sex, company, financial security. If I

don't get what I want from my job or partner, then I get what I want

somewhere else. The point is that I am 100% responsible for whatever

is happening in my life, and no one is making me do anything I don't

want to do.

Loving what is ...

[Guest guest]

Dear Ann,

So I don't see where he is a difficult person.

All I hear from you is that he gives you what you need.

He protects you from what you are scared of.

Sounds pretty simple to me.

Love,

Am 26.08.2004 um 01:19 schrieb lovetheworkofbk:

>

> > Wow, what an amazing mail you sent.  You are right. I am staying

> with

> > him for security. If I am totally honest, I am staying with him for

> > some financial security and to not be " all alone, poor, and

> > struggling to make ends meet " .

> > I would rather live with a difficult person, than try to do

> > everything alone.  I am scared of being on my own, and I have never

> > done it before in my life.

> >

> > I am not ready to leave him.

> > I have thought about it and I get very threatened by that idea. 

> > And I dream about being in a happy relationship (with myself).

> > I believe that my insecurities will fall away if I keep doing The

> > Work. So, The Work is my hope for happiness.

> >

> > Thank you sooo much for your mail!

> > Ann

>

>

> Ann isn't the truth grand

>

> So now if someone asks why you are staying with your

> depressed/suicidal husband, you can be honest and say that its for

> financial security.

>

> I want financial security more than I want a happy partner.

>

> An honest life is a precious thing. As says, no one makes me do

> anything. No one makes me go to my job every morning. I go to work

> because I get something i.e. a pay check, something to do, contact

> with others. No one makes me stay with my partner. I stay with her

> because I get something i.e. sex, company, financial security. If I

> don't get what I want from my job or partner, then I get what I want

> somewhere else. The point is that I am 100% responsible for whatever

> is happening in my life, and no one is making me do anything I don't

> want to do.

>

> Loving what is ...

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

" So I dont see where he is a difficult person. "

I pondered this sentence for a while.

I understand that he is only my projection.

He is only the story I tell about him.

And that story changes during the day, depending on what he is doing.

I noticed how focused I am on him. The awareness of the extent of my

focus on him is amazing to me. My life seems to revolve around him

in Many ways.

So, I notice I would like to focus on Me more.

When he tells me he is feeling unstable and that he is afraid he

might fall apart, I dont have to take on that story.

I can ask myself " He is going to fall apart " . Is it true? Can I

really know that he is going to fall apart?

What do I get when I hold the belief he might fall apart? Fear. Tons

of fear and contraction...

" He is not supposed to fall apart "

Is it true? Can I really know that he is not supposed to fall apart?

(This wording is a bit more tricky for me, because I worry about the

consequences of him falling apart).

I can not know that he is not supposed to fall apart.

Who's business is it if he falls apart?

His!

This is an important question, because it deals with my being focused

on him and therefore stuck in story and worry.......

I want to be free!

I want to experience Me without all of these horrible stories!

I want to keep doing The Work on this in order to come home to Me!

Wanting to love Me and focus on Me!

Ann

> > > Wow, what an amazing mail you sent.  You are right. I am

staying

> > with

> > > him for security. If I am totally honest, I am staying with

him for

> > > some financial security and to not be " all alone, poor, and

> > > struggling to make ends meet " .

> > > I would rather live with a difficult person, than try to do

> > > everything alone.  I am scared of being on my own, and I have

never

> > > done it before in my life.

> > >

> > > I am not ready to leave him.

> > > I have thought about it and I get very threatened by that

idea. 

> > > And I dream about being in a happy relationship (with myself).

> > > I believe that my insecurities will fall away if I keep doing

The

> > > Work. So, The Work is my hope for happiness.

> > >

> > > Thank you sooo much for your mail!

> > > Ann

> >

> >

> > Ann isn't the truth grand

> >

> > So now if someone asks why you are staying with your

> > depressed/suicidal husband, you can be honest and say that its

for

> > financial security.

> >

> > I want financial security more than I want a happy partner.

> >

> > An honest life is a precious thing. As says, no one makes

me do

> > anything. No one makes me go to my job every morning. I go to

work

> > because I get something i.e. a pay check, something to do,

contact

> > with others. No one makes me stay with my partner. I stay with

her

> > because I get something i.e. sex, company, financial security.

If I

> > don't get what I want from my job or partner, then I get what I

want

> > somewhere else. The point is that I am 100% responsible for

whatever

> > is happening in my life, and no one is making me do anything I

don't

> > want to do.

> >

> > Loving what is ...

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dear Andy,

Thanks for your mail. It is so nice that you took the time to read

what I wrote and to reply!

You wrote:

1. " You may want to consider that you might be functioning as an

enabler. You might want to examine whether he is subtly manipulating

you (consciously or unconsciously on his part). "

What is an enabler?

I know that I feel like he manipulates with anger. I told him that I

am tired of having to be careful how I act around him, just so that

he wont be disturbed or get upset.

He knows that he has anger problems (he never hits me).

Anger is like an automatic habit for him. He gets angry at

everything (almost).

He says he can not control his emotions and therefore he is a poor

victim of these intense emotions.

I feel like he is not taking responsibility for his anger and that by

saying that he can not control it, he makes it okay to continue being

angry.

I understood that by doing The Work, the situation would change. And

that could mean that I would not see him as angry/unstable.. anymore.

seemed to remain totally at peace even when would get

angry and yell..... She did not hold any story about and so she

was totally at peace inside.

This is what I am trying to get to.

Ann

>

> I hope you don't mind my offering my two cents, Ann. Some thoughts

> were provoked by this dialogue....

>

>

> Dear ,

> " So I dont see where he is a difficult person. "

> I pondered this sentence for a while.

> I understand that he is only my projection.

> He is only the story I tell about him.

> And that story changes during the day, depending on what he is

doing.

>

>

> *****Yes, he -- and the rest of the world -- exist for Ann only

> in " her " consciousness. But if that projection starts slapping you

> around, isn't it highly likely that you will either walk away or

grap

> the hand that is slapping you? If the projection is causing you

pain

> mentally or emotionally (as opposed to physically), I think you're

> equally valid in dealing with it, taking some action, perhaps.

> LOVING WHAT IS does not mean, in my opinion, being an emotional or

> physical punching bag for someone else or your self.

>

>

>

> I noticed how focused I am on him. The awareness of the extent of my

> focus on him is amazing to me. My life seems to revolve around him

> in Many ways. So, I notice I would like to focus on Me more.

>

>

> *****Sounds like a sane way to live. To the extent that other

things

> (including people) enrich and fulfill our lives, they are a

> blessing. If we find that our life energy is drained and sapped by

> engaging with some people or situations.....perhaps we may avoid

them

> if we sense a destructiveness or an unhealthiness there; or it is

> possible that we develop strategies so as not to be drained and

> wither.

>

>

>

> When he tells me he is feeling unstable and that he is afraid he

> might fall apart, I dont have to take on that story.

> I can ask myself " He is going to fall apart " . Is it true? Can I

> really know that he is going to fall apart?

> What do I get when I hold the belief he might fall apart? Fear. Tons

> of fear and contraction...

>

>

> *****You may want to consider that you might be functioning as an

> enabler. You might want to examine whether he is subtly

manipulating

> you (consciously or unconsciously on his part). Also, you can look

> at whether " you " have any power to prevent him from falling

> apart....as if by an act of " your " will his falling apart will not

> happen. And if it did? Hasn't it happened before? And you're

still

> here, functioning. Apparently it is survivable. :-))) Perhaps

this

> is some neurotic dance the two of you have orchestrated

> (unconsciously) to keep a little drama going. And I'm not saying

> that this is what's happening. I'm just posing possible scenarios

> for consideration.

>

>

> " He is not supposed to fall apart " Is it true? Can I really know

> that he is not supposed to fall apart? (This wording is a bit more

> tricky for me, because I worry about the consequences of him

falling

> apart). I can not know that he is not supposed to fall apart.

>

>

> *****The actual fact of the matter is that you can not know

ANYTHING

> until it happens. Until then it is imagination of a potential

future

> which doesn't exist except in thought. That is where ALL upset

> exists, right?

>

>

> Who's business is it if he falls apart? His!

> This is an important question, because it deals with my being

focused

> on him and therefore stuck in story and worry.......

>

>

> *****I know that is a notion that is commonly accepted here, but it

> might also be YOUR business depending on your relationship with him

> and how you interact with him. If my wife fell apart it would

> CERTAINLY also be MY business in that I am in relationship with

her,

> a relationship where I do what I can for her (and in doing that I

am

> also doing it for me too; it isn't her OR me, it is a her/me

> thingy). Perhaps I am not clear on what you mean when you say it

is

> his business if he falls apart. Do you want to elaborate on that?

>

>

>

> I want to be free!

>

>

> *****Ha! Tell me, what would this " being free " look like to you?

>

>

>

> I want to experience Me without all of these horrible stories!

>

>

> *****Perhaps it is not the horrible stories that are causing the

> upset? Only when thoughts are believed do they have the power to

> caress or burn, cheer or depress. When thought is seen to be

empty,

> it is just thought, simply a passing notion. You may always

> have " these horrible stories, " but their ability to wound may

> decrease or entirely cease.

>

>

>

> I want to keep doing The Work on this in order to come home to Me!

>

> Wanting to love Me and focus on Me!

>

>

> *****Good luck Ann.

[Guest guest]

Dear Ann,

Am 31.08.2004 um 13:10 schrieb urmyprojection:

> Dear ,

> " So I dont see where he is a difficult person. "

> I pondered this sentence for a while.

> I understand that he is only my projection.

> He is only the story I tell about him.

> And that story changes during the day, depending on what he is doing.

Well said. And more accurate would be: " ...depending on what I am

projecting " .

And even more accurate would be: " ...the story that I project now " .

> I noticed how focused I am on him.

And that's good news, because it leaves you, instead of him, to be

there for you.

> The awareness of the extent of my focus on him is amazing to me.

Isn't that *fun*?

> My life seems to revolve around him in Many ways.

> So, I notice I would like to focus on Me more.

>

> When he tells me he is feeling unstable and that he is afraid he

> might fall apart, I dont have to take on that story.

> I can ask myself " He is going to fall apart " . Is it true? Can I

> really know that he is going to fall apart?

> What do I get when I hold the belief he might fall apart? Fear. Tons

> of fear and contraction...

And who would you be without it?

And if I want to explore it further I can look on what I get for

holding that belief.

> " He is not supposed to fall apart "

> Is it true? Can I really know that he is not supposed to fall apart?

> (This wording is a bit more tricky for me, because I worry about the

> consequences of him falling apart).

Yes, I understand that. So: what is the *worst* thing that could

happen, if he falls appart. - And you asked: " he will fall apart, can I

*really* know that? " , what was your answer?

> I can not know that he is not supposed to fall apart.

>

> Who's business is it if he falls apart?

> His!

> This is an important question, because it deals with my being focused

> on him and therefore stuck in story and worry.......

More stories... Wonderful how mind plays!

> I want to be free!

> I want to experience Me without all of these horrible stories!

> I want to keep doing The Work on this in order to come home to Me!

>

> Wanting to love Me and focus on Me!

> Ann

Dear Ann, the wanting is what keeps you from experiencing it in the

first place.

I want to be free! - Am I? I am supposed to be free! - Is that true?

And who would you be without the belief that you *ever* had to

become... anything else than what you are in *this* precious moment?

Love,

>

> > >  > Wow, what an amazing mail you sent.  You are right. I am

> staying

> > >  with

> > >  > him for security. If I am totally honest, I am staying with

> him for

> > >  > some financial security and to not be " all alone, poor, and

> > >  > struggling to make ends meet " .

> > >  > I would rather live with a difficult person, than try to do

> > >  > everything alone.  I am scared of being on my own, and I have

> never

> > >  > done it before in my life.

> > >  >

> > >  > I am not ready to leave him.

> > >  > I have thought about it and I get very threatened by that

> idea. 

> > >  > And I dream about being in a happy relationship (with myself).

> > >  > I believe that my insecurities will fall away if I keep doing

> The

> > >  > Work. So, The Work is my hope for happiness.

> > >  >

> > >  > Thank you sooo much for your mail!

> > >  > Ann

> > >

> > >

> > >  Ann isn't the truth grand

> > >

> > >  So now if someone asks why you are staying with your

> > >  depressed/suicidal husband, you can be honest and say that its

> for

> > >  financial security.

> > >

> > >  I want financial security more than I want a happy partner.

> > >

> > >  An honest life is a precious thing. As says, no one makes

> me do

> > >  anything. No one makes me go to my job every morning. I go to

> work

> > >  because I get something i.e. a pay check, something to do,

> contact

> > >  with others. No one makes me stay with my partner. I stay with

> her

> > >  because I get something i.e. sex, company, financial security.

> If I

> > >  don't get what I want from my job or partner, then I get what I

> want

> > >  somewhere else. The point is that I am 100% responsible for

> whatever

> > >  is happening in my life, and no one is making me do anything I

> don't

> > >  want to do.

> > >

> > >  Loving what is ...

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Ann,

Am 01.09.2004 um 08:00 schrieb urmyprojection:

> You wrote:

> 1. " You may want to consider that you might be functioning as an

> enabler.  You might want to examine whether he is subtly manipulating

> you (consciously or unconsciously on his part). "

>

> What is an enabler?

> I know that I feel like he manipulates with anger.

>   I told him that I am tired of having to be careful how I act around

> him, just so that he wont be disturbed or get upset.

Oh, Ann. So you try that, and he gets disturbed or upset, anyway.

You *have* to be careful on how you act around him. - Is it true?

and how do you treat *him* when you think that thought?

I hear that you act careful to make *him* not be disturbed or upset. So

who is manipulating? And does it work? How about the times it doesn't?

What do you feel arising, then?

Isn't that interesting?

Who would you be without the thought, that you *ever* had to be

careful? Especially around your husband?

> He knows that he has anger problems (he never hits me).

> Anger is like an automatic habit for him.  He gets angry at

> everything (almost).

> He says he can not control his emotions and therefore he is a poor

> victim of these intense emotions.

Who can? Turn it around. You may want to try " thinking " in the place

where anger is.

> I feel like he is not taking responsibility for his anger and that by

> saying that he can not control it, he makes it okay to continue being

> angry.

Turn it around.

> I understood that by doing The Work, the situation would change. And

> that could mean that I would not see him as angry/unstable.. anymore.

Well, I don't know, and that *is* my experience.

> seemed to remain totally at peace even when would get

> angry and yell..... She did not hold any story about and so she

> was totally at peace inside.

> This is what I am trying to get to.

> Ann

Love,

>

>

> >

> > I hope you don't mind my offering my two cents, Ann.  Some thoughts

> > were provoked by this dialogue....

> >

> >

> > Dear ,

> > " So I dont see where he is a difficult person. "

> > I pondered this sentence for a while.

> > I understand that he is only my projection.

> > He is only the story I tell about him.

> > And that story changes during the day, depending on what he is

> doing.

> >

> >

> > *****Yes, he -- and the rest of the world -- exist for Ann only

> > in " her " consciousness.  But if that projection starts slapping you

> > around, isn't it highly likely that you will either walk away or

> grap

> > the hand that is slapping you?  If the projection is causing you

> pain

> > mentally or emotionally (as opposed to physically), I think you're

> > equally valid in dealing with it, taking some action, perhaps. 

> > LOVING WHAT IS does not mean, in my opinion, being an emotional or

> > physical punching bag for someone else or your self.

> >

> >

> >

> > I noticed how focused I am on him. The awareness of the extent of my

> > focus on him is amazing to me. My life seems to revolve around him

> > in Many ways.  So, I notice I would like to focus on Me more.

> >

> >

> > *****Sounds like a sane way to live.  To the extent that other

> things

> > (including people) enrich and fulfill our lives, they are a

> > blessing.  If we find that our life energy is drained and sapped by

> > engaging with some people or situations.....perhaps we may avoid

> them

> > if we sense a destructiveness or an unhealthiness there; or it is

> > possible that we develop strategies so as not to be drained and

> > wither.

> >

> >

> >

> > When he tells me he is feeling unstable and that he is afraid he

> > might fall apart, I dont have to take on that story.

> > I can ask myself " He is going to fall apart " . Is it true? Can I

> > really know that he is going to fall apart?

> > What do I get when I hold the belief he might fall apart? Fear. Tons

> > of fear and contraction...

> >

> >

> > *****You may want to consider that you might be functioning as an

> > enabler.  You might want to examine whether he is subtly

> manipulating

> > you (consciously or unconsciously on his part).  Also, you can look

> > at whether " you " have any power to prevent him from falling

> > apart....as if by an act of " your " will his falling apart will not

> > happen.  And if it did?  Hasn't it happened before?  And you're

> still

> > here, functioning.  Apparently it is survivable. :-)))  Perhaps

> this

> > is some neurotic dance the two of you have orchestrated

> > (unconsciously) to keep a little drama going.  And I'm not saying

> > that this is what's happening.  I'm just posing possible scenarios

> > for consideration.

> >

> >

> > " He is not supposed to fall apart "   Is it true? Can I really know

> > that he is not supposed to fall apart?  (This wording is a bit more

> > tricky for me, because I worry about the consequences of him

> falling

> > apart).  I can not know that he is not supposed to fall apart.

> >

> >

> > *****The actual fact of the matter is that you can not know

> ANYTHING

> > until it happens.  Until then it is imagination of a potential

> future

> > which doesn't exist except in thought.  That is where ALL upset

> > exists, right?

> >

> >

> > Who's business is it if he falls apart?  His!

> > This is an important question, because it deals with my being

> focused

> > on him and therefore stuck in story and worry.......

> >

> >

> > *****I know that is a notion that is commonly accepted here, but it

> > might also be YOUR business depending on your relationship with him

> > and how you interact with him.  If my wife fell apart it would

> > CERTAINLY also be MY business in that I am in relationship with

> her,

> > a relationship where I do what I can for her (and in doing that I

> am

> > also doing it for me too; it isn't her OR me, it is a her/me

> > thingy).  Perhaps I am not clear on what you mean when you say it

> is

> > his business if he falls apart.  Do you want to elaborate on that?

> >  

> >

> >

> > I want to be free!

> >

> >

> > *****Ha!  Tell me, what would this " being free " look like to you?

> >

> >

> >

> > I want to experience Me without all of these horrible stories!

> >

> >

> > *****Perhaps it is not the horrible stories that are causing the

> > upset?  Only when thoughts are believed do they have the power to

> > caress or burn, cheer or depress.  When thought is seen to be

> empty,

> > it is just thought, simply a passing notion.  You may always

> > have " these horrible stories, " but their ability to wound may

> > decrease or entirely cease.

> >

> >

> >

> > I want to keep doing The Work on this in order to come home to Me!

> >

> > Wanting to love Me and focus on Me!

> >

> >

> > *****Good luck Ann.