Pull a thread...see what happens

[Guest guest]

I was heading out the door this morning to do errands. I saw

something that brought up a fleeting but strong emotional

reaction...and not the first time for this one either... it was like

seeing a loose thread on a sweater...so I pulled on it...

I thought,.... " The toilet seat is up again, damn! " Why can't Max do

that one simple thing I asked of him? Pow. I'm

angry...amazing...I'm really angry...this is amazing.

Max shouldn't leave the toilet seat up

Is that true? Yes! Everybody knows that it's simple courtesy to put

it down.

Can I absolutely know that it's true, Max should put the toilet seat

down?

Seems like it....boy (!) it seems like it on my secret scale of

shoulds and shouldn'ts...

But no...no, of course not. (I SHOULDN'T be petty like that,

right?!)

How do you REALLY feel when you think that thought, Max shouldn't

leave the toilet seat up?

Mad...and disappointed...and when I think about it more really

mad....

Ok....angry....almost livid, I'm practically coming unglued.

I've asked him at least a hundred times to put it down. He said he

would... but he rolls his eyes when I ask and just ignores me... He

never listens to me or respects my efforts to keep the house

orderly. He disregards me. He uses me to be the maid. I don't

count. The toilet seat is just one thing, there's a long list now.

(I'm on a roll now)...He's a slob. He's disrespectful! He doesn't

notice what I do. I have to do everything around here!!

How do you treat Max when you think that thought, Max shouldn't

leave the toilet seat up and ... he does?

I want to get his attention...finally, this time...throw something

at him!...tape the lid closed with wide cellophane tape so he'll

notice...I think of five ways to get his attention...he'd better

listen THIS TIME. I'll make him! I'm worth listening to!...my

students listen, my kids listen...even people on the LWI site

listen....why won't HE listen? Ghaah!...

I'm positive he's being deliberately doing this just to spite

me...again, again, again....he's such a dirty, rotten slob. I clean

the house, I clean the cars, I maintain everything around here, I

even managed the construction on this house. He's dumped on me

constantly since we got married. He goes to work, comes home, eats

and eats and eats...checks out, watches TV, leaves stuff everywhere.

He would live in squalor and be happy about it. What I do doesn't

count. He just disregards it all. I clean and organize till I'm worn

out and sick. He doesn't notice and he doesn't care. I could die

and he'd only care because the maid (or mother) would be gone.

How do you treat yourself when you think that thought, " Max

shouldn't leave the toilet seat up?

Like a zero...a maid...like a 'thing'...like when I was 6 and 7 and

8 and 9 and 10 and 11 and 12 and 13 and 14...forever...cleaning and

cleaning and cleaning, for what....for nothing but to get the crap

beat out of me for nothing. No respect, no appreciation, no

rewards, no acknowledgement...just do the diry work and disappear.

Nothing....that's me...nothing. Where's my mom? Where's my dad...

gone... nothing but D. and her fists and yelling...And I'm supposed

to be happy about it.

How would you be without that thought... " Max shouldn't leave the

toilet seat up " and he does?

cant...can't go there....it hurts....

It's so hard to let go!...this is hard everything is aching and

screaming inside.

Can you think of a reason to drop the thought, Max should leave the

toilet seat up, but please don't drop it.

Yes...pain...drop the pain....the associations...the forever

pain...the darkness, the lonely aching saddness....the

dissappointment...the loss....

Can you think of a stress free reason to Keep the thought, " Max

shouldn't leave the toilet seat up? Even one reason?....go deep....

It's hard...there are so many things here....

but

no....there's no stress-free reason at all...none

So...how would you be without the story that Max shouldn't leave the

toilet seat up?

just me....

simple...

a grown up woman looking at a toilet with the seat up...that's

all....a grown up woman just noticing it's up...and chosing to put

it down or not....just me....deciding if I like the seat up or

down...I get to choose, and maybe it doesn't matter so much now. Up,

down, up down...who said it makes a difference anyway...it was so

much like life and death before...life and death.

How does that feel?

Simple....easy....ok I guess...yeah, ok.

So turn it around, " Max shouldn't leave the toilet seat up " .

Max should leave the toilet seat up

Is that as true or truer?

It's true...it's reality...he does...until he doesn't.

I shouldn't leave the toilet seat up...

Is that equally as true?

Yes, I notice it's up. I'm there. I can choose to put it down or

not.

whoah, I'm worn out...carrying that load (of belief) for so long.

What do you never want to experience with this person again?

To feel like....Like I don't count, like my preferences don't

matter, like I'm not important enough to be listened to.

I am willing to...

I'm willing to feel like I don't count, like my preferences don't

matter, like I'm not important enough to be listened to....to bring

me back to myself...toilet seats not included....maybe for the first

time ever...

The demons are leaving. It's pretty peaceful now.

Turn arounds...

Max doesn't disregard me, I disregard me.

Max doesn't have to respect me, I respect me.

Max is not a slob, I'm a slob (I can find it)

Max is not disrespectful to me, I'm disrespectful to me

Max doesn't need to notice what I do, I need to notice what I do.

I don't " have " to do " everything " around here. (hopeless)

Max isn't being deliberately spiteful, I'm being deliberately

spiteful...yes I can see that.

Max doesn't dump on me, I dump on me. Oh yes...all that pain.

Max doesn't leave stuff everywhere, I leave stuff

everywhere...especially my thoughts that lead to anger.

I'm not a zero. I'm not a maid. I'm not a thing.

I count

My preferences matter

Im important enough for me to listen to me.

I don't HAVE to be happy,

but I don't have to be sad either.

Max doesn't use me to be the maid, I 'use' me to be the maid.

I DON'T use me to be the maid.

If I clean it's for something, it's for me

If I organize its for something, it's for me

If I work, it's for something, it's for me

I'm for me.

______________

PS....

Toilet seats should remain in the " down " position when not in use.

Is it true....hahahahahahaha!

no

How do you feel when you think that thought?

Like I'm on the toilet seat patrol....I'm captain, guardian of the

toilet...my sacred duty is to protect it against all who might

disrespect its proper usage.

How would you be without that thought?

Sweet. In my very own business. An adult. A happy lovely

lady...just very happy....just me.

Turn it around

Toilet seats are hereby deemed NOT to remain in the " down position

when not in use.

How does that feel?

That feels much better....truer....saner.

Done

thanks friends...

Dancin'

[Guest guest]

Hi Dancin'

Wow, that was a powerful piece of work... all about a toilet seat

that gets left up! Thank you.

I live with a relative saint. She isn't bugged by most of the stuff I

do. But I have huge expectations about just about everything she

does. As a result I experience upset, irritation, annoyance,

impatience, anger, even rage, abusive thoughts and behaviors.

This blew up in my face on Monday. I got upset and angry - apparently

out of nowhere. Something she said triggered a thought. She was hurt.

(and sent me to my worksheet)

I did the work on it - on all the expectations about her work and

what she does with her life. And what an amazing turnaround. From

" knowing " she should do things a certain way to being 100% open to

exactly how she's doing things. Amazing.

I'm now aware of a whole domain called expectations that was hidden

to me before. The expectations about how another behaves or thinks or

lives their life absolutely kills the relationship and any

possibility of real love of intimacy.

For me, all the " talk about the Work " isn't so interesting. Applying

it in real life situations is incredible beyond words. The bottom

line is that it works.

Cheers,

M.

[Guest guest]

Hello Dancin,

Thank you so much. That was very powerful to read. I have never

experienced anything quite like the work. It's stunning to see in

action.

Thankx

Turena

> Hi Dancin'

>

> Wow, that was a powerful piece of work... all about a toilet seat

> that gets left up! Thank you.

>

> I live with a relative saint. She isn't bugged by most of the stuff

I

> do. But I have huge expectations about just about everything she

> does. As a result I experience upset, irritation, annoyance,

> impatience, anger, even rage, abusive thoughts and behaviors.

>

> This blew up in my face on Monday. I got upset and angry -

apparently

> out of nowhere. Something she said triggered a thought. She was

hurt.

> (and sent me to my worksheet)

>

> I did the work on it - on all the expectations about her work and

> what she does with her life. And what an amazing turnaround. From

> " knowing " she should do things a certain way to being 100% open to

> exactly how she's doing things. Amazing.

>

> I'm now aware of a whole domain called expectations that was hidden

> to me before. The expectations about how another behaves or thinks

or

> lives their life absolutely kills the relationship and any

> possibility of real love of intimacy.

>

> For me, all the " talk about the Work " isn't so interesting.

Applying

> it in real life situations is incredible beyond words. The bottom

> line is that it works.

>

> Cheers,

>

> M.

[Guest guest]

> How would you be without that thought?

> Sweet. In my very own business. An adult. A happy lovely

> lady...just very happy....just me.

>

> Turn it around

> Toilet seats are hereby deemed NOT to remain in the " down position

> when not in use.

>

> How does that feel?

> That feels much better....truer....saner.

>

> Done

> thanks friends...

> Dancin'

Wow, you are a naked dancing guru....amazing work...I love the part

about how the toilet is hereby deemed not to remain open...my boys let

me know they are thinking of me when they leave mine in the upright

and peed on position <smile>

love,

nne

[Guest guest]

Hello , Thank you for the your kind comments and personal

insight. I am so glad to hear you are also using the Work to

release the hold of your own painful expectations. Isn't it

wonderful to have just one real breakthrough?!

I have this notion that I live in an entire web of these 'stories'

and the threads weave themselves back in time to places where I

first attatched to them... I am so incredibly loyal to them and all

they represent!

Well... It is such a relief to feel even a few of the cobwebs fall

away. Tonight my dear Max did his usual thing leaving the good ole'

lid up on the toilet. I just noticed it from from the other room

and thought. " There you are...you..you...you toilet (!)...ha....I

guess I could say I finally got a little idea about 'loving what

is'...it is a just toilet...nothing more or less than that....I had

made you some kind of monument out of it, a symbol of my unresolved

sorrows and anger...my focus of right and wrong, life and death...my

passion was so intense....but now it has become just what it is... a

white cerami thing,...and I'm out of the job of being it's

guardian, no more making war over it... haha...what relief. I just

stood there and soaked in the awareness of the contrast to a few

hours ago....the change was simply delightful.

....something had indeed shifted...

I am grateful. Healing is so sweet...yes, incredible beyond words

blessings friend, still

dancin'

-- In Loving-what-is , Middleton

<robertm@a...> wrote:

> Hi Dancin'

>

> Wow, that was a powerful piece of work... all about a toilet seat

> that gets left up! Thank you.

>

> I live with a relative saint. She isn't bugged by most of the

stuff I

> do. But I have huge expectations about just about everything she

> does. As a result I experience upset, irritation, annoyance,

> impatience, anger, even rage, abusive thoughts and behaviors.

>

> This blew up in my face on Monday. I got upset and angry -

apparently

> out of nowhere. Something she said triggered a thought. She was

hurt.

> (and sent me to my worksheet)

>

> I did the work on it - on all the expectations about her work and

> what she does with her life. And what an amazing turnaround. From

> " knowing " she should do things a certain way to being 100% open to

> exactly how she's doing things. Amazing.

>

> I'm now aware of a whole domain called expectations that was

hidden

> to me before. The expectations about how another behaves or thinks

or

> lives their life absolutely kills the relationship and any

> possibility of real love of intimacy.

>

> For me, all the " talk about the Work " isn't so interesting.

Applying

> it in real life situations is incredible beyond words. The bottom

> line is that it works.

>

> Cheers,

>

> M.

[Guest guest]

nne dear,

I think I'm going to consider changing my group name to " naked

Dancing Guru " it really has a nice 'ring to

it...hahaha...delightful.......

speaking of your boys and my man...where would we be without our

teachers??

nomistake - just for you

naked dancing guru....haha

>

> > How would you be without that thought?

> > Sweet. In my very own business. An adult. A happy lovely

> > lady...just very happy....just me.

> >

> > Turn it around

> > Toilet seats are hereby deemed NOT to remain in the " down

position

> > when not in use.

> >

> > How does that feel?

> > That feels much better....truer....saner.

> >

> > Done

> > thanks friends...

> > Dancin'

>

> Wow, you are a naked dancing guru....amazing work...I love the part

> about how the toilet is hereby deemed not to remain open...my boys

let

> me know they are thinking of me when they leave mine in the upright

> and peed on position <smile>

> love,

> nne

[Guest guest]

Wonderful, dancin'

Amazing what appears to be hidden behind a toilet seat!

Eva