Guest guest Posted February 28, 2004 Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 Kristi - You are courageous to keep working. Your questions are hard to answer. All I can think of is to tell you of my experiences. I have felt despair in my life. In the last few years I have finally seen that despair lift and it hasn't returned for a long time. My story about how that happened is that I was ready for it to happen and I found people to help me who were able to help me. I also have found that finding the right medication has helped me to get to a place where I can do this kind of work. I am hopeful that I will be able to cut the meds eventually. And doing The Work has helped to loosen the ties to a lot of the stories that held me in depression. There is my story. My other story is that if you keep working as you have you will find a way out. Lots of love and support, Kate > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for the first time? > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try and > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > well. > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2004 Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 Kristi, Hi there. I really relate to your many attempts to heal through workshops etc. I call it my search for the Holy Grail of health (physical and mental). In fact, " I want it and I want it now " has been my consuming obsession because of so much pain. When " it " (meaning freedom from depression, dissappintment and anger) doesn't appear to come in a given way after a trying a given formula, book, workshop or whatever, I feel like I've been cheated, and yep, " It didn't work, it'll never work, I'm stuck forever, nobody will ever help me, I can never trust anyone " ...all that get's revamped in my head. It's quite a set-up to have expectations like that for a given, highly desired and very noble RESULT and then sink into dissapointment or despair later. I also wonder just how much I have managed to sabotage potentially useful experiences in order to keep my old patterns and MY irrational thinking alive and intact. Anything familar seems to be preferred over the risk of change. Change for many people seems to indicate flaws and flaws bring up shame..and shame provokes defenses at the core level. It's quite a merry-go-round from personal history. You might want to play with, " I have to have a guarantee that the School will heal me before I will commit " " If other workshops didn't help me, The School won't either " " I'm too damaged for anything to help me, including the School " Since I am already committed to going to Ca in March, I also have many things popping up about it...in fact it seems like a hey-day for self-doubt and " other " -doubt...all kinds of trust issues...security issues, etc are surfacing...what an opportunity to go deep right now even, and at the school maybe go much deeper than the intensive....all the way. It means total submersion...surrender... " I have to have control to be safe and to heal " ...that just came up as an inquiry item. ..... " Step into the darkness and see if the light follows " ...that's been my motto for some time now when it comes trying again....risking a promising, but non-guaranteed possibility. Besides...how can you know if the School will make a difference unless you go??? Anything anyone says about it will just be their opinion...their experience. Your's is yet to be. If you are wanting to be coaxed, re-assured or convinced there is more work to do. What part of you might be wanting to sabotage this because of past experiences? What part wants to be coaxed so you have something to resist in the name of being right (I'm referring to the old familiar thinking that's in place) What are you really scared about?? If the secret, deeper part of you is convinced nothing will help, then it won't...and you will be 'right' again my friend. Sheez where is this coming from,these are the things I will go on to ask myself as soon as I am done here. Thanks for your post, what a blessing. always dancin' > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for the first time? > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try and > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > well. > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2004 Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 Kristi, I can't tell you how the school would be for you. I can only tell you that for me the first time I went to the school was quite a challenge financially. However I went and to me it was worth every penny and more. It was, and still is in the remembering, an experience that I could not put a price on now. Doreen thinking about The School in june Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for the first time? I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. Studying The Work and working with has been great but I always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try and then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel well. Any thoughts? Happiness to all, Kristi ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2004 Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 Hi Dancin You gave really wonderfully practical feedback to Kristi on her doubt about attending the School in June. What insight!!! I share Kristi's concern since I will be attending the School in March. I have many doubts. I guess now is as good a time to start working as any! Thanks again!! Randy > > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for > the first time? > > > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste > of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I > always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try > and > > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down > and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > > well. > > > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > > Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 28, 2004 Report Share Posted February 28, 2004 Randy, A wise old man once told me something when I was being fearful of risking. He said, " Just stick your neck out and see if it gets chopped off. " We laughed and then I made the decision to move forward in my life. Eddie > >Reply-To: Loving-what-is >To: Loving-what-is >Subject: Re: thinking about The School in june >Date: Sat, 28 Feb 2004 23:59:00 -0000 > >Hi Dancin >You gave really wonderfully practical feedback to Kristi on her >doubt about attending the School in June. What insight!!! > >I share Kristi's concern since I will be attending the School in >March. I have many doubts. I guess now is as good a time to start >working as any! > >Thanks again!! > >Randy > > > > > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > > > > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else >for > > the first time? > > > > > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big >waste > > of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > > > > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I > > always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try > > and > > > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me >down > > and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > > > well. > > > > > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > > > Kristi > _________________________________________________________________ Watch high-quality video with fast playback at MSN Video. Free! http://click.atdmt.com/AVE/go/onm00200365ave/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2004 Report Share Posted March 2, 2004 --- Dancin' I'm new to the group and also thinking about going to the school in June, but I'm worried that I might be getting myself into a " cult " situation. I'm getting scared. Do you have any thoughts on that? In Loving-what-is , " dancin2you " <ut_artpro@h...> wrote: > Kristi, > > Hi there. I really relate to your many attempts to heal through > workshops etc. I call it my search for the Holy Grail of health > (physical and mental). > In fact, " I want it and I want it now " has been my consuming > obsession because of so much pain. When " it " (meaning freedom from > depression, dissappintment and anger) doesn't appear to come in a > given way after a trying a given formula, book, workshop or > whatever, I feel like I've been cheated, and yep, " It didn't work, > it'll never work, I'm stuck forever, nobody will ever help me, I can > never trust anyone " ...all that get's revamped in my head. > > It's quite a set-up to have expectations like that for a given, > highly desired and very noble RESULT and then sink into > dissapointment or despair later. > > I also wonder just how much I have managed to sabotage potentially > useful experiences in order to keep my old patterns and MY > irrational thinking alive and intact. Anything familar seems to be > preferred over the risk of change. Change for many people seems to > indicate flaws and flaws bring up shame..and shame provokes defenses > at the core level. It's quite a merry-go-round from personal > history. > > You might want to play with, > > " I have to have a guarantee that the School will heal me before I > will commit " > > " If other workshops didn't help me, The School won't either " > > " I'm too damaged for anything to help me, including the School " > > Since I am already committed to going to Ca in March, I also have > many things popping up about it...in fact it seems like a hey-day > for self-doubt and " other " -doubt...all kinds of trust > issues...security issues, etc are surfacing...what an opportunity to > go deep right now even, and at the school maybe go much deeper than > the intensive....all the way. It means total > submersion...surrender... > > " I have to have control to be safe and to heal " ...that just came up > as an inquiry item. > > .... " Step into the darkness and see if the light follows " ...that's > been my motto for some time now when it comes trying > again....risking a promising, but non-guaranteed possibility. > > Besides...how can you know if the School will make a difference > unless you go??? Anything anyone says about it will just be their > opinion...their experience. Your's is yet to be. If you are > wanting to be coaxed, re-assured or convinced there is more work to > do. What part of you might be wanting to sabotage this because of > past experiences? What part wants to be coaxed so you have > something to resist in the name of being right (I'm referring to the > old familiar thinking that's in place) What are you really scared > about?? If the secret, deeper part of you is convinced nothing will > help, then it won't...and you will be 'right' again my friend. > > Sheez where is this coming from,these are the things I will go on to > ask myself as soon as I am done here. > > Thanks for your post, what a blessing. > > always > dancin' > > > > > > > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for > the first time? > > > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste > of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I > always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try > and > > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down > and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > > well. > > > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > > Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 > --- Dancin' > I'm new to the group and also thinking about going to the school in > June, but I'm worried that I might be getting myself into a " cult " > situation. I'm getting scared. Do you have any thoughts on that? > > --this was a good one, thanks much. I think yes, it might be a cult. I went to a weekend intensive once and part of me was secretly doing the old " roll eye " at times---but alot of it totally blew me away. I have been doing the work for about three years, and while I don't think I will ever attend the School, I have bought a couple of copies of the CD's (gave them away) and other tapes/CD's, have the book, and I do the Work every day. So I am clearly a member of the cult, especially since I don't mind the fact that the Work seems to have taken up residence in my thinking. I am glad to call myself a Bliss Ninny. I try to be respectful of my family and friends but secretly I have this intense desire to make them experience what I experience with the work--I think it might be just good manners that keeps me from prosletyzing my butt off all day long. Yet I know that there are others out there who have taken more steps into it than I, perhaps " true " Bliss Ninnies, while I use that term sort of ironically, sort of like a buying a logo baseball cap or something. I guess I am not completely cultified. I guess my point is that even though it might be a cult, I think it offers you the possibility of taking it at your own pace, and even exiting if need be, which is not very cultish. And maybe you won't want to exit, in which case, welcome to the cult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2004 Report Share Posted March 3, 2004 Thank you. Smiling. " So I am clearly a member of the cult, especially since I don't mind the > fact that the Work seems to have taken up residence in my thinking. I > am glad to call myself a Bliss Ninny. I try to be respectful of my > family and friends but secretly I have this intense desire to make > them experience what I experience with the work--I think it might be just good manners that keeps me from prosletyzing my butt off all day long. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2004 Report Share Posted March 4, 2004 Hi Singingcardinal....thanks for your post...and all that came after. I did appreciate and (I think) understand your question and with so much response (I've never seen so much activity in one day), perhaps your questions about cult' has been adressed quite fully. as for my thoughts at this time.... Ok, I am up on all the posts on Tue, I go to work for one day, ONE DAY...I come back this morning, and what do I fine??? THREE AND A HALF HOURS of reading to catch up on what everyone's been writing!!!....OH MY HECK....we have the esoterics, we have the philosophers (brain cell exploding-wow), we have the cultists (toungue in cheek), we have the soap boxers, we have the sillies, the arguers, the complainers, we have the evangelists (of sort) we have the hunters, the gatherers, the rescuers and the attackers, we have the doubters and the believers....we have the confused, the enlighted,and the ultimate clients and the ultimate therapists Haha. Have I missed anyone here? (labels are only that BTW) I really have never found anything so dynamic, so challenging, so heart wrenching (almost), so funny, .....so INTIMATE as the overall nature of this bulletin board. It reminds me of my own family....one doctor, one bar tender, one teacher's aid, one artist/teacher, one Harley motorcycle salesperson, one iron worker. But I would never call this my " family " ...ho no, relax guys, I'm not going there.... I do consider it, after participating for only a few of weeks, a group of very intimate and endearing friends...even the ones that come across like little porquipines. It has stretched my brain considerably. I have received profoundly responsible and kind and challenging responses to my posts. I have noticed that these, and all the other dozens, actually hundreds, of posts and responses between people have helped me accelerate my own process. I am a work in progress (small w).....the site and The Work is a great vehicle for me to facilitate that. I feel that I am in the drivers seat all the time, even when I invite others to sit beside me and assist me to get where I'm going (envision the drivers ed cars with their dual sets of brakes if you will). After over 20 years in and out of insight therapy (and with a great professional), I am going at a speed that I find thrilling. Not that my jerky ride earlier wasn't exactly what I needed at the time, but I am up for this pace. I loooove it. I can see and feel the " scales " falling off my eyes. There have been so many layers (of the scales) that I can hardly imagine what Reality is REally like. So far this taste of freedom is great, in fact it's absolutely delicious. I confess that I'm ravenously hungry for more....my soul longs for love truth, freedom. I encourage my doubts and fears to surface so that I may wrestle and reason with them, in hopes of releasing them. I once participated in a custody action that required I take some psych tests. The evaluator showed me some results that were puzzling. He said that my 'intelligence' score was very high, but my corresponding 'abstract reasoning skills were dramatically lower than one would expect. One think I have noticed since starting the work in December, is that, at least on occasions I feel mentally much more clear...cetainly much less depressed/anxious. I have very much enjoyed the freedom and encouragement to be bold, open and inquisitive on this site. I am learning from the " ping- pong " responses back and forth by others. I constant am reflecting on all the input. I don't think I need to say anything about cults. I will definitely be happy to respond after the School...hmm...well who knows what I will be doing after the School. In retrospective, my life has been (in some important ways)a broken record of repeated experiences based in what I now see as very suspicious thinking. > > > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > > > > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for > > the first time? > > > > > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste > > of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > > > > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I > > always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try > > and > > > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down > > and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > > > well. > > > > > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > > > Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2004 Report Share Posted March 4, 2004 Hi Singingcardinal....thanks for your post...and all that came after. I did appreciate it and (I think) I understand your question but with so much response (I've never seen so much activity in one day), perhaps your questions about cult' has been adressed quite fully. as for my thoughts at this time.... Ok, I am up on all the posts on Tue, I go to work for one day, ONE DAY...I come back this morning, and what do I find??? THREE AND A HALF HOURS of reading to catch up on what everyone's been writing!!!....OH MY HECK....we have the esoterics, we have the philosophers (brain cell exploding-wow), we have the cultists (toungue in cheek), we have the soap boxers, we have the sillies, the arguers, the complainers, we have the evangelists (of sort) we have the hunters, the gatherers, the rescuers and the attackers, we have the doubters and the believers....we have the confused, the enlighted,and the ultimate clients and the ultimate therapists Haha. Have I missed anyone here? (labels are only that BTW) And having said that I love and appreciate you all... I really have never found anything so dynamic, so challenging, so heart wrenching, so funny, .....so INTIMATE as the overall nature of this bulletin board. It is life...from one end to the other...on paper...cyberspace paper of course. The diversity reminds me of my own family....one doctor, one bar tender, one teacher's aid, one artist/teacher, one Harley motorcycle salesperson, one iron worker. But I would never call this my " family " ...ho no, relax guys, I'm not going there.... I do consider it, after participating for only a few of weeks, a group of very intimate and endearing friends...even the ones that come across like little porquipines. There have been moments I just wanted to invite everyone over for hot chocolate and brownies and soak in the hot tub for a few hours....let the snowflakes fall on our faces and relax....not think, just be. (is that possible?) Nevertheless, the LWIMB (Loving What Is MEssage Board) has stretched my brain considerably. I have received profoundly responsible, intelligent, kind and challenging responses to my posts. I have noticed that these, and all the other dozens, actually hundreds, of posts and responses between people have helped me accelerate my own process. What an education!! I am a work in progress (small w) trying to rediscover my actual perfection.....the site and The Work is a great vehicle for me to facilitate that. I feel that I am in the drivers seat all the time, even when I invite others to sit beside me and assist me in getting where I'm going (envision the drivers ed. cars if you will). And I say that in full light of my notion about 'what if I come back from the school as some kind of cult nut' (I was laughing when I wrote that BTW) After over 20 years in and out of insight therapy (and with a great professional assisting me), I am now going at a speed that I find so much more effective...and that is simply thrilling. Not that my jerky stop and go ride earlier wasn't exactly what I needed at the time, but I am up for this pace now and I relish it. I can see and feel the " scales " falling from my eyes so to speak. There have been so many layers (of those scales) that I can hardly imagine what Reality REally is like. So far this taste of freedom is great, in fact it's absolutely delicious. I confess that I'm ravenously hungry for more....my soul longs for love truth, freedom. ...so... I encourage my doubts and fears to surface here, so that I may wrestle and reason with them, in hopes of releasing them. I once participated in a custody action that required taking some psych tests. The evaluator showed me some puzzling results. He said that my 'intelligence' score was very high, but my corresponding 'abstract reasoning skills' were dramatically lower than one would expect. I wondered what that meant. When I pondered it, I could look back at a number of traumatic incidences as a child when injuries could have accounted for that. And it (confusion) did show up in various and troublesome ways over the years. I felt flawed most of my life because I would become so 'dithered' at times...(the stereotypic 'spacey' artist). I never stopped trying to figure it out...sort things out...why why why....why do I do this, why did this happen...but often it just seamed like I was on the playground stuck on the spinning merry-go- round. Since starting the work in December, I have noticed that, at least on occasions I feel mentally much more clear...cetainly much less depressed/anxious. I am indeed a happy camper compared to six months ago. I get confused at times, but I do not dispair...I just do the work, and study the work via observation of this site and through s tapes & CD's I have very much enjoyed the freedom and encouragement here to be bold, open and inquisitive. I am learning a lot from the " ping- pong " responses back and forth by others. I constant am reflecting on all the input. People are so similar, yet so diverse. It will be most interesting to experience depth and intensity by being at the school. I have reconciled my worries about cults and criticism of my particular religious flavor. It seems, that the interchanges on the web here encourage and allow for true individuality and liberating self examination with the full support of some very fine human beans. Thank you one and all. smiling and still dancin' ps....Tom...I'm guessing the banter on the site leads and inspires people to do a lot of private inquiry without posting it. love and thanks so much for all you do. I don't think I need to say anything about cults. I will definitely be happy to respond after the School...hmm...well who knows what I will be doing after the School. In retrospective, my life has been (in some important ways)a broken record of repeated experiences based in what I now see as very suspicious thinking. > > > Hello Workers. Or are we the Workees? > > > > > > Well I'm considering going to the school in June, anyone else for > > the first time? > > > > > > I'm just wondering though if it will feel like another big waste > > of money just like most of the retreats and therapies I've done. > > > > > > Studying The Work and working with has been great but I > > always seem to just get temporary relief from any technique I try > > and > > > then my despair and sickness comes back 10-fold....knocks me down > > and makes it so hard to persist with hope that I will ever feel > > > well. > > > > > > Any thoughts? Happiness to all, > > > Kristi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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