New Here...my story.

[Guest guest]

I am Kirsten, 30 yrs old, married 10 yrs, a 12 month old daughter.

I always knew that something was " crazy and wacked " about my mother,

but until I seriously started investigating personality disorders

after her latest outburst of insanity, I had only casually studied

BPD (I majored in Psychology). I can't believe there are actually

people in the world who understand what I went through as a child

and becoming an adult! I always tell people, if it hadn't been for

my Dad, who was the most wonderful, loving person I've ever known,

I'd probably have been the " bad, evil child " my mother always

claimed I was. So many things that I've experienced in the past

fall right in line with the experiences of other Non's (like my mom

telling me I couldn't go to a Valentine party in 6th grade because I

was a " slut " and would come home pregnant. I had to look up " slut "

in the dictionary). I've always been passive when it comes to my

mom, not because I think what she says is right, but because I

learned long ago that nothing I say will help. The best thing to do

is to look straight into her eyes, nod, and scream silently to

yourself. This last week though, my mom has started teetering on

the dark edge of true insanity.

Here's the situation in a nutshell. My mother lives in AR. I grew

up there, went to college where I met and married a man from IL. My

mom wasn't keen on this, but she hates everyone so no suprise.

After college, we moved to WI (sort of on a whim because I told

hubby I couldn't live around mom). We love WI, but all his family

is in IL and I would like my daughter to grow up knowing her

extended family (about 50 people) I haven't told my mom that we are

moving to IL when he finds a job. My Dad died about 2 years ago,

and since then things have gone down since then. I call my mom once

a week and she constantly berates me for living in WI and

is " insistant " that I move back down to AR " where my home is " . NO

CHANCE IN HELL!! My dad built the house that she lives in and it is

very nice. Unfortunately, I really have no wish to move into it

when my mom is old so it would be sold (I haven't mentioned this I

told her we would use it for a vacation home). She is insisting

that my family move into the 2 story storage building on the

property (my dad built it and its nice for a storage building and

looks like a little house on the outside, but no water, heat,

insulation, only 2 little rooms, etc etc.) If I don't, she will

sign the house over to charity instead of willing it to me--she

says " If you don't use it, you could lose it " and " I'm not financing

WI or IL " " We live in AR, your home base is HERE! " . (I have a

brother but he has Asperger's and could not live on his own, she is

codependent with him). Anyone had this happen about the cutting

them out of the will? She's never acted out on these rages before,

but she REALLY wants me to move into her storage building.

Thanks for listening to my rant...I've never found people who

understand before..