Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Q....Alan holds me back because he wants a relationship with me and wants me to love & have sex with him... Is this true?...yes Can I absolutely know its true...Yes The reality is he left his wife for me..he keeps trying even thought I keep telling him I don't love him..I don't have chemistry for him....keeps coming back..takes me out..pays for everything..tells me how wonderful I am..treats me how I want to be treated..tries to please me...has changed his life for me.. Whose business is it what he dose..Its not my business how he thinks..but it is when he becomes part of my life.. Eventually I want a committed relationship with someone who accepts me as I am..not to judge me..to love me...to have sex with..to share life..someone who I am compatible with in all areas of life..sexually..intellectually..physically .financially.... Q...How do I react when I think this thought..? Confused....want to try to make it work, but scared it wont because of the past failed relationships..emotionally a mess. head a mess. I find fault in him..criticize him..compare him to the other relationships in my past..my internal talk is negative..I sabotage my self..look for minute faults in him..go over them all in my mind until I become so confused..talk to much about me...become emotional...get jealous...try to control outcomes.. How does it feel?...I feel emotional, cant think straight..want to cry...sinus problems..headaches..cant sleep...sore shoulders.. Yes I can see a reason to drop this thought..Feels good..relaxed.. no pressure..can enjoy life...enjoy his company like a friend.. TA...I hold me back because I want a relationship with Alan.. I already have a relationship with Alan..I am committed to being his friend..I love him as a friend..would like to be a lover as well if the right time happens in the future with out pressure from anyone.. I hold me back because I want a perfect relationship..is there ever such a thing? I hold me back because I am scared of failure. I hold me back because Alan wants a relationship with me.. Alan hold me back because I want a relationship with me..is this true?..he has told me he wont hold me back..he actually encourages me..he is homest..I beleive him..I know he is good for me..but I dont think I love him..he says he loves me..I am scared he is only infatuated with me...and in time I fear it will wear off.. I hold me back from loving me.. I hold Alan back from loving me....I push him away through criticism.. I hold me back from having a relationship with my friends because I criticize people to much I hold me back from having a relationship with me because I criticize me to much..I live in fear of the relationship failing..not being fulfilling enough.. I hold me back when I try to control relationships..when I have high expectation of the relationship..and outcomes.. I really need help here, I am getting more confused as I write.....any insights from the list would be very welcome.. Blessings, Roana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2004 Report Share Posted January 1, 2004 Roana, I would take what you wrote and break it up into small parts: Q....Alan holds me back because he wants a relationship with me and wants me to love & have sex with him... Is this true?...yes Can I absolutely know its true...Yes The reality is he left his wife for me..he keeps trying even thought I keep telling him I don't love him..I don't have chemistry for him....keeps coming back..takes me out..pays for everything..tells me how wonderful I am..treats me how I want to be treated..tries to please me...has changed his life for me.. 1. Alan holds me back... True? The proof of it And it means...... Etc. 2. Alan wants a relationship with me True? (how can you know what Alan really wants?) And it means..... What do I get out of that thought etc.... (you may find that " relationship " has a meaning for you too) What I have found is that we all have a " relationship " but often I put " conditions " on some of them so that they are " categorized " so I can have expectations of what that " should " or " should not " look like. A relationship with my daughter looks like: A relationship with a neighbor looks like: A relationship with my doctor looks like: etc etc... A relationship with a lover looks like: 3. Alan wants me to love him.... 4. Alan wants me to have sex with him... Just do the work on those 4 and really take them apart. Do all the steps and then the turn arounds.... The part about his wife, chemistry, paying for things, what he says, how he pleases are all evidence for the story of " Alan " . You have a story and picture of Alan that gives you a belief about him, so now examining the very basic beliefs can set you free from your thoughts about Alan and perhaps they will sit more comfortable with you... or not. When the mind wants to be right it sure can come up with all the evidence! I wrote a full worksheet on my ex-husband and it took an hour to get through three words and that was with help and facilitation! <smile> try to keep it simple! Lovingly, April Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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