Guest guest Posted May 29, 2000 Report Share Posted May 29, 2000 Kiersten, I thought That was the way he was for A long time. It did not help me to hear that my in-law and husband thought I was the one who caused ' problems. It took several years for my husband to realize that no amount of discipline would change the way was. My in-laws still do not fully understand. I doubt they ever will. Needless to say , we do not go and visit them very often. To much stress for everyone involved. Michele strange question Did anyone you talk yourself into thinking that your child is normal, or that the cause of your child's problem are your fault?? Is this normal?? Or an I just strange??KierstenMother of Nathainiel, (19 Months old) With Autism, Hyperactivity, Chronic Ear infections, S/P Bilat Myringotomy with Ventilation Tubes, Positional Plagiocephaly, and Torticollis.Southern Ca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2000 Report Share Posted May 29, 2000 KMCDLPN@... wrote: > Did anyone you talk yourself into thinking that your child is normal, > or that > the cause of your child's problem are your fault?? > > Is this normal?? Or an I just strange?? > > > Kiersten There isn't a mom or dad in the world that doesn't go through this. You keep wondering what you should have done, or what you shouldn't have done....... The truth is, no one knows why our kids are born autistic but all the experts agree that it isn't the fault of the parents involved. One thing that helped me was to get over the idea that there is any such thing as " normal. " There isn't, you know. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has their own little quirks and ideosyncracies that keep them from fitting that particular mold, from the highest officials right on down to Auntie in her rocker. We are all atypical one from another. And some of us are a bit more atypical than most. Our kids usually fall in this category. However, atypicality does not equal abnormality. Louie, my HF/AS/EOD son, is not abnormal, but he surely is atypical. But then, so is his NT sister Kris, the Goth artist.....she's just not as atypical as Louie but much more atypical from the rest of the world of so-called " normals. " Louie is a perfectly typical autistic person as a whole, although he (as all autistics) has atypicalities as an autistic. Hope this helps! Annie, who loves ya annie@... -- Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. -- anon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2000 Report Share Posted May 29, 2000 Kiersten wrote... >>>>>>>>>>Did anyone you talk yourself into thinking that your child is normal, or that the cause of your child's problem are your fault?? Is this normal?? Or an I just strange??<<<<<<<<<< No no no, Kiersten, not strange at all...... You JOIN THE CLUB of self-blaming-mothers/fathers )) If it wasn't the whole world saying these things to me, then I would said it to MYSELF. Of course it was ME that did everything wrong. Or I was ME seeing things that are not there at all and that RH was just an NT as it can be. Also I blamed myself for all things I did (or didn't do) in my pregnancy, or in the first years of RH's life...... Confusing as it is...... But I think it is part of the process to deal with, accept, that your kid IS different. That he needs special care. That you did NOTHING wrong. And that you are searching for the good things for your Nathainiel.. Kiersten, now, 1,5 years after the diagnose, and ME finally accepted I am NOT to blame, then people will say that there is NOTHING wrong with him and BLAME me being an overanxious, overprotective, oversensitive or overwhatever mother. But, what do they actually know...... ( No matter what..... You are not strange..... it is your big mama heart that is 'talking'..... You are his mother, loving him and doing the best you can )) Trish (My RH is nearly 5yo) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2000 Report Share Posted May 29, 2000 Kiersten wrote > Did anyone you talk yourself into thinking that your child is normal, or >that > the cause of your child's problem are your fault?? > > Is this normal?? Or an I just strange?? What is normal? Nobody is completely normal. Are you strange? without knowing you i can safely say that someone will see you as strange and some one else will see you as normal. Where do we point the finger of blame? Whose fault is a child's difficulties? The parent's? If that were true then your problems as a parent are the fault of your parents and thier problems the fault of thier parents and on and on all the way back to the garden of eden......and original sin. If you are Christian know that you share the blame equally with all of humanity and repent. If you are not religious note that blame goes nowhere, results in no understanding and does not help one get better results. Either way, blaming or finding fault is pointless. If someone else is blaming you, ask them why they aren't helping here. I believe that everybody does the best they know how to do. We make mistakes and we learn from them. You are not alone in your worries. Ric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2000 Report Share Posted May 29, 2000 Kiersten, As a mommy to a 3 year old little cherub, I know exactly how you feel. Everyone, including the doctors told me there was nothing wrong.Your mothers heart knows...........as far as it being your fault, that is ludicrous, if anything you are very blessed that GOD gave you this child to watch over, he trusted you. No one will be more important in his life or more diligent with his treatment and education then you! So GOD bless you and look to him for your answers, he is always listening! strange question >Did anyone you talk yourself into thinking that your child is normal, or that >the cause of your child's problem are your fault?? > >Is this normal?? Or an I just strange?? > > >Kiersten >Mother of Nathainiel, (19 Months old) With Autism, Hyperactivity, Chronic >Ear infections, S/P Bilat Myringotomy with Ventilation Tubes, Positional >Plagiocephaly, and Torticollis. >Southern Ca > >------------------------------------------------------------------------ >Missing old school friends? Find them here: >http://click./1/4055/2/_/_/_/959565614/ >------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 29, 2000 Report Share Posted May 29, 2000 Kiersten, I think this is very normal. All of us at one time want our children to be normal, and try to ignore their problems and say they are normal. Also, when we hear something is wrong with our child, the first thing we all do is blame ourselves, what could we have done differently, did i do everything right during the pregnancy, etc? These are all normal reactions. The important thing is not to continue to blame ourselves, and to accept our child the way they are, no matter how different. Our children are beautiful and unique, and very special. Nothing is our fault. We need to get our kids the help they need, and take each day as it comes. one day at a time, and realize that we are pretty special parents to be chosen to raise such special kids. Sharon(moderator) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 30, 2000 Report Share Posted May 30, 2000 Annie: I totally agree with you. The guilt (of having an AS child, etc.) can be overwhelming. Then you move into the phase where you just want to learn all you can about it, to make sense of things. That is where I am now. Betty Jo Marshall Re: strange question > KMCDLPN@... wrote: > > > Did anyone you talk yourself into thinking that your child is normal, > > or that > > the cause of your child's problem are your fault?? > > > > Is this normal?? Or an I just strange?? > > > > > > Kiersten > > There isn't a mom or dad in the world that doesn't go through this. You > keep wondering what you should have done, or what you shouldn't have > done....... The truth is, no one knows why our kids are born autistic > but all the experts agree that it isn't the fault of the parents > involved. One thing that helped me was to get over the idea that there > is any such thing as " normal. " There isn't, you know. Everyone, and I > mean everyone, has their own little quirks and ideosyncracies that keep > them from fitting that particular mold, from the highest officials right > on down to Auntie in her rocker. We are all atypical one from > another. And some of us are a bit more atypical than most. > Our kids usually fall in this category. However, atypicality does not > equal abnormality. Louie, my HF/AS/EOD son, is not abnormal, but he > surely is atypical. But then, so is his NT sister Kris, the Goth > artist.....she's just not as atypical as Louie but much more atypical > from the rest of the world of so-called " normals. " Louie is a > perfectly typical autistic person as a whole, although he (as all > autistics) has atypicalities as an autistic. > > Hope this helps! > > Annie, who loves ya annie@... > -- > Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. -- > anon > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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